💾 Archived View for midnight.pub › posts › 772 captured on 2022-04-28 at 17:39:15. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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(Heh... interesting.. the title sounds like a horse gallop if you say it just right....)
So here's a hallmark marriage aspect in my experience.
A few months back, I completely reorganized the shelves above and below the really nice workbench the previous owners of this house created in the basement, including hanging tools rather nicely on its accompanying pegboard.
Subsequently, *someone* (only two of us live here, so take a wild guess..) started putting things atop the work surface I so labored to clear.
The first such items that arrived were accompanied by an explanation that their presence was extremely temporary, and would "soon" be relocated to where they really belonged once it was determined/decided where that should be.
Well... instead of that happening, the entire surface is now so covered in what from my point of view is "complete and total shit" that I've completely lost interest in ever doing any fix-it projects requiring a work surface, because the work involved in shove that goddamned shit aside would likely constitute more effort than would any fix-it project.
Now... um... I want to be "enlightened" about approaching the personified cause on this.
But.. you know? That just basically never works. What pretty much always happens is selves (yes, mine too...) become predictably self-defensive, and soon enough the, um, "discussion" <coughs violently> will be about anything and everything *but* that work surface.
So to me the more "enlightened" path is to just devalue the surface's importance relative to the relationship, and "let it go".
But, see... then... just like with the kids at school, that will no doubt (mmm.. Gwen..) lead to the taking of even more liberties with me, until I eventually "can't take it anymore", and melt down in ugly(er) ways.
So, again.. what's the "enlightened" path, here?
Is it possible to continue to "let it go" until I eventually don't give so much as a quark-width's fuck about anything anyone ever does anymore?
It's that it?
Or is it more along the lines of finding a way to "discuss" such things in some perpetual "don't care how it goes" unshakable inner calm?
See, to me the latter implies there being no point in "discussion" in the first place, because if you honestly don't care, then what's the point of doing something - e.g. "discussion" - that implies caring? If one doesn't care, well, then just "let have" from an inner lotus position whilst humming George Harrison's "I'd Have You Anytime", right?
(I'm kind of chuckling, now... because what I'm describing is sometimes loosely referred to as "being the bigger person", yet per my beliefs "personhood" is precisely the problem aching to explode at any moment in the first place, such that making said inner cretin "bigger" is without question the last thing one seeking inner peace should do....)
Go on a walk with your partner. Don't say a goddamn thing unless they do. Bring up the shelf again. See whether the discussion escalates again. If so, go for another walk with them. Repeat ad infinitum.