💾 Archived View for gemini.susa.net › give_and_get_back_ya_bastard.gmi captured on 2022-04-28 at 17:37:35. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2021-11-30)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Communities are formed on the basis of giving and receiving goodness. You say someting nice, and someone says something nice back again.
It's a reinforcing and reaffirming thing, and it's so pervasive that when it doesn't go your way then you get annoyed in an entitled sort of way. Nobody likes being rejected, and getting bad back for giving good is like rejection.
This is at the heart of the emotional damange done to people who grow up in a hostile environment. someone 'other' growing up in a 'phobic' or 'ist' environment. you sometimes don't get back what you feel you deserve, sometimes quite the opposite.
So a black kid growing up in a white racist-majority environment will get bad back for good. That's going to hurt, because nobody likes being rejected.
Similarly with a gay kid growing up in a conservative religious community, or a trans kid growing up pretty much anywhere, or a girl growing up in a male-dominated community.
That's going to affect you emotionally, affect your self-image, your self-esteem, your senses of worth.
When you see someone who obviously identifies as being gay, or trans, view it as a sign of strength and integrity. If you meeet someone female or black and they seem like a decent person, think what they had to live through to get here, the strength and integrity to remain a decent person.
Footnote:
Curiously, I personally find the give and get back model a bit banal and slightly awkward, yet I feel its comfort when it rewards me.