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It feels strange to publish this, but eh. Cheers to emotional growth.
My internal emotional state is generally very stable over time. I tend not to get excited about much or too stressed about things, although I certainly can. Socially, I tend not to connect with people especially strongly in groups or pairs. Here is the greatest exception to that stability; when I latch onto a person, I don't mess around. In proper balanced fashion, the exceptionally positive defines the exceptionally negative. My greatest source of anxiety and fear is, I think, shared with many people, but it's hard to talk about, especially with those it concerns. Let's talk about it.
(What follows is my own speculation on the behavior of people. It's probably wrong in most cases. Consider this my qualifying disclaimer, and let me write with a confident tone.)
Let's call it affective commensalism, named as the emotional instance of a symbiotic relationship in which one party benefits and the other is unaffected. In its actual, realized form, it describes a relationship wherein one person's significance to the other far outweights the reverse sentiment. A strong such relationship is not impossible, but its existence will depend on each participant's perception of the phenomenon.
Consider first the case wherein neither participant perceives the relationship as affective commensalism. I could guess, but no two relationships are alike, and if neither party perceives anything relevant here, it's tough to say how the dynamic may proceed.
Consider second the case where one participant perceives the relationship as affective commensalism, and they perceive themselves to be the giver of greater significance. Depending on the person, this might invite sadness, disappointment, anger, or jealousy. This is simple enough; care deserves to be returned in a romantic or close platonic relationship. On the other hand, I'm sure some people are quite satisfied with a bit of idolization, and are therefore happy in this situation. I myself am legitimately okay with a bit of it for a long time, which probably comes as no surprise to those who know me. Over time, however, it wears me down.
Consider third where one participant is perceiving, and they perceive themselves to be the giver of less significance. Maybe some people appreciate being aloof in such a way, perhaps as a defense against a fear of commitment or dependence. For myself, I can think of little other than guilt in this case. It's been clear to me in the past that I was unable to genuinely reciprocate someone's significance to me, and it felt bad. The trouble is that no matter my deliberate actions, the significance I ascribe to a person is not under my control. Maybe I'll talk more about this another time.
Consider fourth and finally where both participants perceive an affective commensalism. In a healthy relationship, it's been discussed, and may have followed thus from one of the previous two cases. Then each knows their jointly perceived role. This is the last stage of this particular game. In conversation, decisions must be made between the two parties. It may be determined that the situation is intolerable and incorrigible; in this case, the relationship may end. Alternatively, a course of action may be devised by which one or both participants may grow emotionally and close the gap between them. It's generally assumed that the giver of lower significance should try to raise their affection to match that of the other, but the opposite plan, or something in between, should also be workable in some cases. Finally, there is the case where neither party is particular forthcoming, and it's decided that no change is necessary, even though at least one party knows that this is unfeasible. This case degenerates to the second or third mentioned, and the acknowledging party will likely be slightly to severely more distressed than in any earlier cycles of this resolution process. Don't do this.
Well, there's a soup of pedantry and soul-baring for you. Do with it what you will.
BYE!
Ty (affected)