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SECTARIANS ANONYMOUS -------------------- Do you miss the feeling of being in the true vanguard of the revolutionary tendency? Do situations with no one in charge make you nervous? Do you secretly wish you really did have a science of history? Do you find yourself scouting the room for potential cadre material in casual social situations? Do you still feel more mature and disciplined than the rest of the Left? Do you miss that knowing feeling of superiority? Are your eyes always drawn to your old Party newspaper when you go to the bookstore or newsstand? Do you find yourself terrified and confused by having to make your own judgements about things that the Party always decided on for you? Do you find it hard to stop daydreaming about how well you would have carried out your duties in the Ministry after the Revolution? Do you sometimes feel that the meetings you go to now are just a little too open, too unpredictable, too chaotic, too relaxed--too anarchic? Do you still feel that you understand most people's needs better than they do themselves? Does the mention of certain seemingly meaningless, insignificant words or dates, like Kronstadt, Solidarity, 1956, 1968, etc., leave you feeling strangely irritable? Well, you're not alone. We know how difficult it is for former Leninists to adjust to life outside a dogmatic vanguard party. That's why we've formed a support group for people just like you called Sectarians Anonymous. Every time you feel yourself weakening in your newfound libertarianism you'll be able to call another former Leninist like yourself and talk over your nagging desires to submit to authority and dominate the cadres. Just call 1-800-YOU-OBEY and talk to someone who understands. ---------------------------------------- (The above originally appeared in the infamous "Shoe Polish Week," Sacred Journal of the Jihad of Our Lady of Perpetual Chaos. It "may be reproduced freely, giving credit to the source, by anyone but filthy profit-seekers.")