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What does sexual deviancy mean? Is it better than "normal" sex?
What if I'm content with "normal" sex -- am I not radical then?
Should I keep quiet about my desires if they might shock you ? If I
think about it enough, will it make me want to do it? Are fantasies
based on desire? Is a fantasy ever "wrong"? Are my desires my own
or have they been fed to me -- am I sexually brainwashed? Does the
expressed acceptable sexual imagery around me sum up my desires?
How much of my life is eroticisedAre male and female fantasies and
desires the same? A world apart? If they are a world apart can I
ever have a truely connected and satisfying heterosexual sexual
relationship? Are sex and emotion connected? Seperate? Is sex
love? Solo sex - only a substitute for "real" sex, or "real" sex in
and of itself? Is it to share with my partner, or only appropriate
when I'm not in a relationship? Sex in a relationship -- better
than sex 'no strings attached'? The other way around? Are orgasms
the beall and endall? Can I take them further? Make them better?
Is it possible for me to de-emphasize them in my sexual encounters?
Hetero, homo, bi-? Omni-sexual or just SEXUAL? Can I be one one
day, another the next and yet another ten years from now? Will you
let me without giving me shit? Am I sexually open and free? Will I
ever be sexually liberated? What is sexual lliberation? Does
capitalism set the pace for the sexual revolution? If I love and
kiss, play and fuck too much, will I forget about the class
struggle? Why are some sex radicals I see so politically
conservative? How do others from my class and from other classes
experience their sexuality differently and similarly as me? Why are
riots so erotic? Can I still be a feminist and have desires of
submission and fantasies of rape? Will these disappear come
revolucion glorioso? Will sexual play with power disappear in an
anarchist society? What will sex look like in anarchy? Why is sex
so facinating? Why do we always seek it? Is it worth all the
energy, time and thought put into it? Is it worth all this???
- That was the sidebar text of the publicity leaflet produced for
the contraFLOW benifit cafe we held on the 28th May at the sex
parlour surroundings of the famous 121 Anarchist Centre in Brixton.
In case you don't know, we have a benefit every last Sunday of the
month there, each one with acts and food and videos based around a
different theme. Anyway, May's cafe (trumpets sound!!!) the SEX CAFE
was basically our attempt to out some anarchist sexual desire and
perversion, get a little confessional thing going on, admit to some
serious stuff, you know.
Early on, we dedcided that we were dead against the Sex Cafe
re-inforcing traditional definitions and labels of sexuality, those
descriptions of our sex lives or our rigid politicial lifestyles
that limit, mentally and physically, what exciting and weird sex
antics we want to enjoy. It's important to us to understand that
today we may enjoy fucking with men, with women another year, back
to men on Monday, masturbating with our pillowns all next year and
then maybe giving it all up for stamp collecting of something. To
aid this, we got together a bunch of videos and acts that talked it
like they walked it. Sex is there, they said, most of us do it and
most of us enjoy it, so why don't we ever loosen up and talk about
it. If we're not getting any and that's driving us nuts then
shouldn't we chat about that too? Just being able to spend six hours
in a place where you were encouraged to let it all hang out,
verbally or literally, is such a refreshing change. For once, we
could talk openly about our sexy desires and realities and not be
embarrassed or feel politically wrong or judged by our 'scene' and
that's a time spent feeling empowered, temporarily free form the
gossips, the rumour-mongers the be-littlers who seem to have a
problem with our self-expression.
Watching the comfort levels of people dealing with our in-your-face
style was fascinating. Some people just handled the "contraFLOW
Benefit Hand-Jobs...only 5 quid" sign, others were a bit disturbed.
Some people sniggered a lot, others got into the spirit of it all.
In the end, no one rung the bell for a session so we didn't have to
bluff our way through that and no-one paid 50p for a peep at our
contraFLOW members live sex act despite it really happening in a
discrete silk-lined booth below the stairs. You blew it folks, and
so did we!! Other contraFLOW members got to consider a change of
career too with their sterling performance as the Anarko-Dales, the
lithe young anarchist dance troupe that whipped the crowd up into a
virtual sneeze with their sexy strip show. Masked-up anarchist boys
may never seem sexy again. Wah! A load of people sat quite happily
through the hour long video of male genital massage or the Betty
Dodson art of female masturbation film. Annie Sprinkle's "Sluts And
Goddesses" movie with its six minute orgasms, female ejaculation and
polysexual perversity went down well too. Another contraFLOW member
sung a song about inadequacy, some poets diid some...er, poems and
some folks did sexy readings too. We even had a couple fo serious
wrkshops, one for men and one for women. The men ummed and ahhed
around the question of "love, sex and emotions - what do mehn really
want and is that alright?", trying to hide the issues in a cloud of
class anaylisis (but that was stamped on after half an hour!) whilst
the women's discussion on "fakin' it, wanking it and other secrets"
remained fairly reserved, some saying they had a difficult time
opening up to stranges about such personal issues. Two self-defined
feminist women discussed tehir experience of rape fantasy role play,
and whether it contradicted their feminist attack on patriarchy or
their anarchist critique of power.
The lack of interesting confessions garnered in our sex survey that
we hassled every attendee to anonymously fill in was disappointing
although we had fun reading out some of the answers as a final
'entertainment'. Who indeed borrowed a certain Abba LP when they
were young just so they could masturbate over the girls in the
band's picture (They admitted they never even played the record)?
Who was it that scored at a out-of-doors political event, blissfully
fucking under the moon and the stars? and who amongst us concluded
that a "revolution" is all that is necessary to sort out our sexual
problems?
Anyway, it was a challenge to organise and we had a lot of fun. It
didn't get too bogged down in detail or too 'shock horror....aren't
we so cool' either. We wanted the cafe and the questions above to
kick in a little something to our weirdlyu represed society and
'scene' to free up a little time and space inour heads about our
desires and fetishes and to jug around with the things that
'revolutionary' debates around sexuality don't usually encompass. If
you missed it, you missed a good effort. Thanks to those that came.