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I have been smoking for around 5 years now, after managing to avoid it in my teenage years. I still like it. It feels good, and the taste and smell of good tobacco is comforting. No doubt about it. But the post-lunch cigarette is more stifling than a pleasure now. Thinking about having enough of each part of the holy trinity (tobacco/leaves/filters) all the time gets tiresome.
The cause of my smoking shall be looked at directly without flinching: it is purely a social matter. I started smoking when I arrived in this new city where I knew nobody and I had to meet people but my anxiety would not let me. It worked, but it was probably unnecessary: lots of them were not smoking anyway. It is still the same today, I smoke a lot in social situations, and way less when I'm alone doing whatever I enjoy on my own. It gives my hands something to do, put up a front, have a reason to go to the balcony during parties and initiate more intimate conversations, participate in smoke breaks at work.
Be better than that. My hands can do what they want, I do not need to put up a front, and I can go to the balcony with a glass of something or simply to get some air. Nobody cares.
This really is not about health, but for my future self it's good to note the following improvements, according to some app I just downloaded:
This is not about money either, but it's enough to buy a few albums per month or go to a restaurant.
Alternatives? Vaping is a mess of expensive shit that keeps breaking. Liquid can be cheap if done with products but what the hell is propylene glycol? Also, the most important thing is the gesture, which is the same. Nicotine substitutes (gums, patches), why not but as a last resort in times of weakness. I still have packs of gums and they work, so don't forget them.
Do not smoke another cigarette. Not even just one per day, or during parties, etc, this can be treacherous in times of weakness. This is not worth it. I can do it!
Tuesday the 2nd of November, 2021, around 1:30 in the morning.
~dece