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the last fifteen minutes of work

... are the worst. i'm sitting here, at the front desk, i've read through capcom, i've read through spacewalk, i've written a Thing, read hnews, lobsters, tildenews, npr, done my crossword, read some lisp book, basically done everything i generally do to keep the crushing weight of the banality of work off my back for just a little longer, and now i'm looking at the clock, watching the seconds tick by, waiting for it to end so i can log off, get to my car, drive home, make dinner (mac and cheese with hot dogs -- a favorite), do the evening programming with the place i volunteer at, then finally have some time to myself, where i'll still probably scroll thru reddit and read more lisp book, maybe crochet a bit. the cynical might say that's just more waiting around for ... death i suppose, but i refuse to let the cynical into my house. this isn't about the meaninglessness of life or the banality of being alive or the impending doom of death or anything, oh no, it's just a complaint about the last fifteen minutes of work. really, honest. there's no sarcasm mark on this page.

do you ever try to sound like you're being serious because you're worried someone may've taken you as joking and the more you assure them that no, it's for real, you are serious, it just sounds more and more, at least to your mind, and probably theirs too, you can see their smirk widening, like you're taking the biggest piss there ever was pissed? i do. anyway that's all to say that really, this little two-paragrapher is just about the last fifteen, that weird in-between time where i'd rather just shrug off because i've got nothing to do but i can't because i'm paid by the hour, who thought of that anyway, definitely a sadist.

the worst part is (oh, three-paragrapher now, how long can i keep this up?) that i haven't even used up all the time yet. i'm only halfway to the bell after all these words. of course, i'm better off than you, you've definitely read these words faster than i've written them, you who live in this time of hyper-literacy. i'm lucky, thought doesn't work any faster than it ever did, but reading has really taken off. so if you're in my predicament, which i hope you're not, i'm not a sadist like whoever came up with hourly -- oh, joy, i had a patron, that took about two minutes -- wages, you're going to have to put up with

and now i've got to go