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y0lk #116: "true love #2", by kreid
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It had been such a simple day. A perfectly simple day, really,
because it was really quite memorable and yet almost completely effortless.
Probably the way life would be if people didn�t have so much shit to put up
with all the time.
That's really a terribly vague judgment, but there isn't much to say
about it at all besides that. What I mean is, if we lived in a utopia, which
I believe is quite possible, every day would probably just work out like the
one I'm going to describe to you right now. Effortless and memorable, or
memorably effortless, or however you feel like saying it.
It was a Sunday and I had absolutely nothing to do, but I was feeling
motivated enough to leave the house and go do something that day, rather than
just sit on my ass and play nintendo. I really wish I could get myself to do
that every day. It certainly would be a more healthy lifestyle than the shit
I put myself through on a regular basis. Anyway, I wake up around noontime
and I shower and watch the television for about 15 minutes while I prepare
myself for the day, putting my socks on and all that tedious routine crap.
I finish up with that idiocy and then, in an unusual gesture, I just get
right into my car and drive out the driveway, not really knowing where to go.
I decided firstly that I would need some breakfast. I had missed
dinner on the previous day and was feeling some sharp pangs in my stomach
which were quite troublesome. So I drove, maybe ten miles, to the town
where I grew up. Mind you, I'm still not quite grown up, I'm eighteen as I'm
writing this to you now, but I went to elementary school in this little town
and moved out when I was about ten. I know for a fact that there's a really
nice diner in this town so I decide to get my breakfast/lunch there.
I went to the diner and ate toast with strawberry jelly, since my
stomach is feeling quite fragile from all the alcohol I had drunk that
Saturday night. I did not have a hangover, just a general shitty feeling
about me which I did not wish to enhance. Anyway, the meal is just fine, and
I eat it nice and slowly because I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do
that day, right? But I'm feeling great about myself, despite my queasy
stomach, I'm really motivated and feeling quite clean and healthy. I want to
do something to take the edge off my life, as sitting around and playing
nintendo on a Sunday can really be quite stressful on a person like me.
And hanging out with friends was out, I was just bored sick with all of them,
really, after seeing all of them drunk the night before. I wanted to do
something new, and to relax.
So I decide on what to do that day, as I'm tossing back the last
little bit of my jellied toast, and smiling all the while. I decide that I'm
going to take a walk around the old neighborhood, and see my old school, and
ponder all that golden days bullshit while I'm getting some fresh air. It
sounded like a such a great idea in my head, and I'm really happy with
myself. Really impressed by my own motivation. And my stomach, at this
point, is beginning to settle. I felt such a calm, like that was what
Sundays were supposed to be about, you know?
I leave ten bucks on the table of the diner to pay for my toast and
to tip the nice lady that served it to me. A stupid gesture, actually, I'm
always short of cash, but money was not really mattering to me that day, so I
decide to squander it and make a waitress feel happy and good about herself.
That seemed worthy of ten bucks, why not? It was Sunday for everybody, even
the waitresses. Anyway, I throw this money down on my table and walk out of
the little diner and into my black car, then I start the motor and zigzag
down a few streets and park my car right next to where I used to live. I sit
in the car for a while and look at the house, there, looking in all the
windows and remembering the stupid little things that went on in each of
those rooms every day. I couldn't see the window to my own old room, because
it doesn't face the street, but it doesn't bother me too much. After looking
at the house a bit, I decide to get out of the car and I consider ringing the
doorbell and asking to have a look around the house, but I decided not to
bother the nice family that lived there. Best to get on with my life and my
Sunday stroll.
And I walk down every little street, looking at the houses that all
my old friends lived in and remembering this and that. Thinking about it
now, it's really quite boring, but sometimes boredom can be so satisfying. I
guess that's how I was feeling at that point. After I walk about a mile
through the old residential area I start to get really bored and decide maybe
I'll head back to my car. But then, fortunately for me, I look up on one of
the little colonial house porches and I see a familiar face sitting there,
and what do you know, she's reading a book. Not something you see every day,
really, a teenager, a girl, and she's dressed in all black and she's just
sitting there reading a book, in the summertime, no less. Really, it's quite
an arousing thought to a bastard like me who just can't help himself from
being fixated by mental shit like that. A girl, and she's quite good
looking, and she's reading a fucking book, and I *know* her, she used to go
to elementary school with me. It doesn't seem uncommon, sure, but it's such
a prize to me, you just rarely see such a thing with a life as dull as mine.
I wonder what the book is that she's reading.
I am feeling oh-so friendly on that Sunday afternoon, so I decide to
go up to this girl's porch and have a chat with her. Maybe she's not the
social type, but neither am I, so I hoped we'd get along. The book she's
reading, I see, is _Crome Yellow_, by Aldous Huxley. I haven't read it, but
I plan to soon. I'm sure it's a decent book. Aldous Huxley, I see an old
picture of his face on the back of the book, he had to be one hell of a guy.
I heard he was into LSD, somewhere, that he had his wife give it to him on
his death bed or something. I'm sure he was a great guy, I can just tell,
looking at him on the back of that book. I move my glance away from the book
and have a seat next to this girl, and I'm not going to mention her name or
mine, so forget about that. But I haven't spoken a word to this girl, and
I'm sitting next to her on this porch, and I'm sure she recognizes me from
way back when. But she looks at her book for like 30 seconds more like she's
finishing a paragraph or something, then she closes the book without marking
her place and takes a good look directly in my eyes. Nonchalantly, she says
to me:
"Hey, Dave."
Oh, shit, I know I've said I'm not going to reveal my name to you and
all, but what the fuck, you know, I don't want to kill the whole effect of
it. So my name's Dave, big fucking deal.
I tell the girl hello and how are you doing and all that crap. She
seems unimpressed by the chit-chat, but very open to hear whatever I've got
to say. I read all this from the look in her eye and decide to cut to some
more meaningful conversation. I ease into it by telling her how fucking
great it is to get off your ass once in a while and do something completely
pointless but unusual, like take a walk around an old town. Yeah, she says,
it's stupid that we all just make routines and all that shit. Sitting on a
porch and reading can be just as self-destructive as masturbating or playing
nintendo by yourself, if you do it enough. I say I know, and I really
fucking relate to that. It's hard to make something of every day, but really
satisfying when you do.
We have this little conversation about how it sucks that we waste our
lives the way we do. I won't bore you with the details, but I can tell you
the conversation lasts about three quarters of an hour. I find out that this
girl is into heroin, and she reads and writes, and neither of us can believe
the luck of meeting on this Sunday, because we both can see a great
friendship in the making. I suggest a change of scenery and she suggests
that we go to the coffee shop downtown, and I'm not really into the whole
coffee shop scene, but I decide it could be nice to hang out there and talk
for a while indoors.
So we both go, and it's a half a mile to get there, but we're
enjoying our company and having a good time talking to each other, so it's no
bother, although I'm glad when we get there because my legs were starting to
get a little tired. I think of my car and how I'll eventually have to walk a
mile and a half back to get to it. Fuck it, though, because the expedition
has surely been worth it. We get a seat on some couch in the coffee shop and
we're talking all the while, and she's laughing at my jokes and all that
shit. She orders a black coffee and I say I'm ordering nothing, but the
fucking place has a one drink minimum so I order a coke, which I don't plan
on drinking. We talk a little and then the drinks come and then there's a
short silence while this girl takes a sip of her coffee and I say:
"I can't drink caffeine, I've promised myself not to."
"Why the hell is that?" She looks interested but not surprised.
"It kills sperm. I can't bring myself to do that." I think she
takes that to mean that I'm a sex maniac, and she smiles at me. I'm not a
sex maniac, I'm practically a virgin, but I don't bother to say anything
about it. I think she understands that I'm not the type of guy to be
interested in loveless sex.
There's some really fucking bad music playing in there quite loudly,
so I'm raising my voice to say all this. It doesn't look like she's going to
reply so I keep talking. "I think my body is too chemically unstable
for that shit, anyway. Last time I had coffee I broke into sweats all night
and I woke up the next morning with some kind of fucked-up hangover. I
prefer a glass of orange juice anytime." Brief pause. "It might make me
look immature and all that bullshit, but it's what makes me feel good, so
fuck everybody else." Another brief pause. She's drinking her coffee and
she's still smiling at me, kind of seductive-like. "I'm not a fucking health
nut or anything, but I know my body is just too sensitive for a lot of that
shit. It just goes to show you how weak I really am, despite my
hard-as-nails exterior, right?" She laughs at this because she can see how
skinny and unthreatening I am, despite my being six foot three. I'm really
fucking happy, and relaxed with this girl. It has been an amazing day,
really.
But this is the part of the story where it gets interesting, right?
Not because we go off and fuck and shoot heroin or any of that happily ever
after shit, but because my whole day just fucking slips away from underneath
me. It turns from a relaxing little Sunday venture to a fucked-up disruption
of my quaint little life. No, we didn't go back to her place and we didn't
fuck and we didn't shoot heroin. Not at all. I really fucking wish that
could have happened, but it didn't. Let me just tell you know how quickly my
life got turned to the completely fucking insane mess that it is now:
Me and the girl are sitting and talking and I'm just so sure that
things are going to work out great between us, right? We're in this coffee
shop for about two hours, and we're really enjoying ourselves. But I notice
that there's this shady-looking character sitting across the room from me,
with gray hair and dressed real nice, in some kind of dark gray suit with
expensive shoes and all that. And for like half an hour, he keeps making eye
contact with me, like, looking at me for a while and then looking away real
quick once I catch sight of him, right? Then after he's through with that
little game, he puts on these sunglasses, and mind you the place is really
dim, it being a coffee shop and all. But with these sunglasses on I can tell
he's still staring at me with this girl, but we're not making eye contact
anymore. It's all quite mysterious and pissing me off just the slightest
bit, like my perfect Sunday could be ruined because of this fuck. But I try
to ignore him.
Anyway, he's staring at us for like two straight hours, and we're
getting ready to go back to her place, which is really great, but then this
guy gets up and walks across the coffee shop and sits himself down right next
to me. It seems just too fucking shady to me, I don't like it at all. And
I'm waiting for him to say whatever the fuck's on his mind so we can get out
of there, but he's just sitting there and smiling, being all dramatic-like.
Then as soon as I'm ready to walk away from the fucker, he decides to open
his mouth and say something:
"How would you two kids like to make one thousand dollars?"
Now this is the kind of thing that when you hear, you should really
just walk away, especially when you hear it from a shady fucker like this
one. But one thousand dollars, you know, we're young at we can't help but be
intrigued. So we let the gray fucker finish what he has to say. I tell him
to "go on with it, then," and he does.
"Okay, kids," I don't like how he's calling us kids so much. He
looks like he's only about ten years our elder. "I am a scientist and I'm
conducting a simple experiment. I won't get into it but let me assure you
that it is for the great benefit of mankind." I don't know why, but I really
trust him when he says this, and I can tell the girl does too. "I need two
people to conduct this experiment with � and I've been watching you two, as
you've probably noticed, and you are perfect for this experiment. Are you
two interested in a little mind-expansion, maybe a little profound
self-improvement?"
We both stay silent and nod him on to keep talking, of course keeping
our poker-faces on at all times.
"Well, simply put, I have a machine that will do you no harm, but
will drastically alter the way you perceive reality. Your mental abilities
will be remarkably enhanced, I can promise you that."
I don't know why, it really seems fucking stupid, but we both agree
wholeheartedly that we want to do this. Not like we valued our lives as they
were, anyway. We were both prepared for a little risky behavior. And so we
follow this scientist fucker out of the coffee shop and he escorts us to his
Japanese car and drives us for about an hour back to wherever the fuck he
lives. All the while, we're totally silent. In the back seat of his car,
the girl is being quite affectionate, you know, and really starting to come
on to me, which is all-too amazing, but sex was certainly not what was on
either of our minds. It was just a little healthy affection for that night,
we were both a little scared, you know, but the leather seats and the heated
car was quite comfortable, and we felt safe since we were with each other.
I feel a little sad when we get to the guy's house because it means
me and this wonderful girl I've found have to stop cuddling and get to the
serious shit. I stepped out of the car wondering what I would do with the
thousand bucks. One thousand?
"You're paying us one thousand apiece, right?" The voiced concern
for money was a compromise of my character, I'm sure, but business was
business and I had to get that straight.
The scientist guy answered me very briefly and I was satisfied:
"Yes."
And he leads me and the girl into his house, which is a really nice
place, real great architecture and all that, and then into his basement. You
know, I really feel bad about calling my companion "the girl," but soon
enough you'll understand why I have to protect her identity. I suppose I
could pick some fake-name for her or something, but that would just make me
feel dishonest and I would hate that. Just keep in mind that even though I
am calling her simply "girl," I harbor great, loving feelings for this woman
and I in no way mean to diminish my affection for her by not calling her by
her name.
But regardless of all that� the scientist-guy's basement was fucking
phenomenal. Real Buck Rogers type shit. Lights and switches and crazy shit.
Looked like the equipment in there must have cost about a billion dollars,
maybe more. But specifically, there's a whole extra room in this guy's
basement, with see-through walls, and a real thick door, and it looks like
the room is totally soundproof and radiation-proof and all that shit. It
kind of excited me, really, seeing all that technology and knowing I was to
become part of this. My doubt for the guy's credibility as a scientist was
totally vanquished with the sight of his laboratory.
He says to us, "Step into the room," and he hits a button which opens
the big heavy door to it, so we walk in. From then on we can only hear his
voice through speakers in the ceiling. "Now lie down and relax," he says to
us. I notice that the floor and all the walls except the see-through one are
padded with like white canvas, but it's really soft to lie down on, so we
comply with his orders. I felt like I could go to sleep right there on the
floor, it was so comfortable.
"I'm going to expose you to something now, which you will not be able
to detect, of course, but it will cause you to feel extremely strange. It is
imperative that you completely relax yourself or else the experiment will be
a failure, and you will not expand your mind, and you will not make one
thousand dollars. Is that clear?"
We both nod to him, and I say "yes sir," just to make it all
crystal-clear. And without further explanation he flips some kind of huge
lever and says to us, "put you heads down and relax. We have begun." And
then it gets really, really, fucked up for the both of us. I felt like my
arms were melting, and all my flesh was turning to ectoplasm, and then I
picked my head up to take a look at myself, and holy shit, my flesh was
ectoplasm, and it was swirling and melting into itself. Flesh was melting
off my arms and spiraling into my chest, dripping all over the place but then
coming together like I was made of mercury. It was really fucked up, worse
than any acid I've ever taken, and I swear to that. I looked over to see
what was happening to my female companion, but I couldn't see that far away.
All I could see was my own body, and everything else was blurred and severely
fucked up. So I put my head back down on the soft canvas and tried to enjoy
the experience.
And actually, it is quite enjoyable, in the same way that a shitload
of acid can be enjoyable. A little frightening, but really quite exciting to
me. I am quite happy, and I begin to ponder and focus on what exactly is
happening to me, besides the melting flesh and blinding lights and all that
sensory phenomena. I feel like I'm becoming completely conscious of
everything that is happening to my body. I visualize my optic nerves sending
impulses to my brain, my heart pumping blood which feeds all parts of my
ectoplasmic body. And I see the cells in my blood and in my organs wage war
on themselves. It is all quite confusing, becoming fully conscious of all
one does. Like I could see everything that happened and control every bit of
it with my brain and all that. It feels really fucking great, and I have
completely lost sense of time. But I look up and then I'm kind of conscious
again, my vision is no longer blurry, and I see this scientist guy turning
the switch off. I stand up and walk up to the see-through wall.
"What the fuck? That was incredible, man, what did you do?" I was
still fully conscious of my body's functioning. I thought that maybe this
was the extent of my mind-expansion. I look over to the girl and she's doing
pretty much exactly what I'm doing, standing there, looking expectantly at
the scientist. He says nothing to us, just stares from beyond the glassy
wall and opens the door for us to come back into the laboratory where he's
standing. I slowly walk in and the girl follows, and everyone's still
completely silent, but that's when I realize, sort of, what was going on with
us.
I focused on my warring cells inside my bloodstream. It doesn't seem
right. Some of the cells inside there seem foreign to me, like they're not
part of my body. I can't control them like I control the rest of my cells.
And then I realize something, in my enhanced state. Something quite
horrible, in one word: virus.
"Did you fucking put some living shit in our bodies? I feel really
fucking weird, man. I feel like there's something foreign inside me." For
some reason I wonder at this point why the girl has been so silent all along.
I feel selfish for doing all the talking, but then I kind of feel like the
protecting male, and she wants me to do the talking, because I'm her
protector. That makes me feel good. Somehow I know exactly how things are
between us, and I no longer feel guilty for keeping her silent all this time.
Still, though, I am quite concerned about this virus thing.
The scientist spoke for the first time after letting us out, and he
is smiling. "Obviously my experiment has worked. Yes, you figured it out.
The virus inside you, Dave, is the AIDS virus. My experiment involves curing
this horrible disease, and you two are part of it."
This was absolutely terrifying to me. "AIDS! You motherfucker! I
can't fucking believe you! AIDS? How could you fucking do this to us
without telling us? We're fucking dead meat now! You total fucking
asshole!" I feel my profanity is justified by the absolute fucking
selfishness of this inconsiderate bastard who has decided to kill us for the
good of science. I wait for his explanation.
"It is a strain of the virus which I have created. The virii are
significantly evolved. In fact, they are far more evolved than humans. If
the experiment works, the virii will have learned to keep you alive, using
your body as a host, and not destroying you like the typical AIDS virus
would. You should be better off, afterwards. You and the virii will have a
symbiotic relationship, rather than a parasitic one."
That was a whole fucking lot to handle, but my mind seemed to grasp
it quite quickly. I felt like I had been corrupted, like I was no longer
human. I trusted this guy, in a strange way, but now I was not so sure I was
happy with my enhanced mind. After all, I was no longer my own man.
Instead, I belonged to myself and a colony of virii who were all smarter than
me. It made me feel pretty fucking low. And then, I still had doubts.
"How do you know that this shit won't kill us?"
"Well, I don't."
"Motherfucker! What do you think the chances are?"
"Well..." there was a very long pause. "Fifty-fifty. You are the
first subjects I've tested this on."
I just stood there and shookmy fucking head. I didn't know what to
say, so I just said "okay. Fine. Just take us home, okay? Today has been
pretty tiring." It was probably stupid of me to cease my interrogation of
this scientist guy, but I really was quite tired, and I had some pondering to
do. I figured he would contact us another day, which he hasn't yet (it's
been three days since), but I'm really sure he will. He seemed like a really
great guy, actually, I just still don't know how I feel about what he did to
me and this wonderful girl. It's a very complex issue to think about, even
for an expanded mind.
The guy was definitely very nice and cordial with us. He took us in
his car and gave us a nice quiet ride home. He had a very reassuring
attitude, and I couldn't help but respect the fucker, even though I hate
scientists. I do look forward to hearing from him again.
Oh, and by the way, I lied before. It wasn't true when I said "we
didn't go back to her place." In fact, he dropped us both off there and I
slept over. But we didn't shoot heroin. We were just too exhausted, even
for that. And we didn't fuck, either. No, we made love. And I've claimed
to have "made love" to other girls before, but really, I was mistaken before
now. What I did that Sunday night was really making love. That's another
story altogether. Kind of a cliche, but I really mean it, seriously. And
fuck you if you won't believe it, because I don't even care for anyone but
her anymore. It's pretty ironic, actually, I never imagined this would be
what it's like to be in an AIDS-infested love relationship. To think, every
time we make love now, we're transferring that shit. A little disgusting,
eh? Yes, I fill her up with my hot AIDS-infested semen. And I have no shame
for it, either. We're in love, and fuck everything else. Heh.
I do genuinely feel that my mind has been expanded profoundly. I am
able to conjure things into my mind that I had never even considered before
this experience. It still amazes me; as I said, it's only been three days.
And today, I was sitting on this wonderful girl's porch, it was 3:00 PM, and
I swear to you, I made the sun set with my mind. At 3:00 PM. I have a
strong feeling that I am capable of much more, if that isn't the most
fucked-up thing you've ever heard. A little bit frightening, actually. Is
every asshole with AIDS going to get to be like me one day? That's really
fucking scary.
Anyway, that is my story. That's how I became superhuman, and I have
AIDS to thank. "The gay plague." But I'll tell you what, now that I'm
thinking of it, and I hate to sound cheesy, but it's true, I am just not
concerned with my superhuman powers, now that I have them. This is because I
know I have something far more important, and that is love. Maybe one day
when everyone has got this magic virus in their bodies, people will
understand that. Making the sun set is really fucking boring when you have
something as magical as a loving relationship, a human being who you can
share everything with, even your own flesh. For two people to share two
minds and two bodies, as if they were both their own, well, it's really
fucking amazing. Far more amazing than any setting sun. I know, I'm sorry
this story has to end up so damned cheesy, but that's what mind-expansion
does to you, I guess. Some things have to sound cheesy because they're just
so true. Love between two living human beings is beautiful. But love
between two living human beings and two living super-evolved virus colonies,
well, that's just too fucking exquisite for words to describe.