💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › Y0LK › y0lk-068… captured on 2022-01-08 at 17:42:37.

View Raw

More Information

⬅️ Previous capture (2021-12-05)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

--[y0lk #68: "some puppet plays"]---------------------------------------------

time for the ass-key.

          .oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
        .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
       .$$�                                                        �$$.
       $$�                         ,00                              �$$
       $$                         ,00'                               $$
       $$       .$.   .$.   ,$$,00'$.  .$.          .$.   .$.      $$
       $$       $$   $$   $$ 00'$$  $$          $$  .$$      $$
       $$       $$   $$   $$  00 $$  $$          $$ .$$�      $$
       $$       $$% %$$   $$  00 $$  $$          $$.$$�       $$
       $$       `$$$


   $$ ,00 $$  $$          $$$'        $$
       $$        `���`$S   $$ 00' $$  $$          $$$$.       $$
       $$             $$   $$ 00  $$  $$      .%. $$��$$.      $$
       $$       .$.  .$$   $$ 00  $$  $$.    .$$ $$  �$$.     $$
       $$       $$..$$�   $$,00 $$  �$$%..o$$� $$   �$$     $$
       $$       �$$$�    `$,00'$$'   �$$$$�  $$    $$     $$
       $$         `��'        00' ���'      `����'    `�'    `�'     $$
       $$.                   00'                                    ,$$
       �$$%.   .azkii^br^ta2.                                     .%$$�
        �$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$�
          `����������������������������������������������������������'

        look at that big, beautiful ascii.  y0lk-bl3ss1ngs go to... umm...
some wacky guy in #tatoo.

        argh, i forgot his nick already.

--[anyway.  intro time!#]-----------------------------------------------------

        i go to church.

        *every* sunday.

        don't ask me why.  my father comes from a family of scrict, practicing
presbyterians.  so, we go to the presbyterian church every sunday.  my mother
comes from taiwan, and she didn't really have much religion above your every-
day customs/rituals or something.  like eating a certain meal of rice on a
certain day.  she's a presbyterian too, now.

        i don't really like going to church, but i've been forced to go ever
since i was born.  hmph.  it's interesting, watching them presbyterians and
their rituals, and i usually find something to occupy myself with during this
time.

        right now i am reading the book of revelation.  as a subgenius
minister (another reason i feel out-of-place in church), i feel i should know
what other religions are saying about X-day (the apocolypse).

        last week, however, i wrote puppet plays.  my sister has these little
"fuzzy friends," as she calls them, that she's had since she was but a young
child.  (she's 14 now.)  we had to put on a puppet show for the 3-year-old son
of some friends of our family (his birthday).

        the cast:
        polly, the pelican
        daisy, the panda
        cheesy, the mouse
        funky, the monkey
        ralph, the black bear.
        (the child's name is "matthew.")

        the following is a product of one of these sunday mornings.  all
"ereet spellings" are transcribed straight from the original pencil.

--["first try"]---------------------------------------------------------------

cheesy:         y0e.  eye yAm a m0use, y0e.
funky:          yEp.  yew sURe aRe.
polly:          wEwP.
ralph:          DeR ... eYe Be a BeAr.
daisy:          HeY-0.  eye yAm a BeaR, tew.  a PanN-dAh.
ralph:          HEy, tHaT "pandah" acti0n is puRty RaD, y0e.
daisy:          Yah, eye be mOre rAd thaN yEw.

(my sister scribbles in: "try it again seriously")

--["second try"]--------------------------------------------------------------

                          why is the rain blue?
                             (a puppet play)
                        by rev. c. chris erway, esq.

cheesy:         why is the rain blue?
funky:          just because, dumbo.

                                  (finis)

(my sister pokes me in the ribs)

--["third try"]---------------------------------------------------------------

                           "ALF for president"

funky:          ALF is my hero.
cheesy:         me tew.
ralph:          let's make him president.
daisy:          okay.  look, a voting booth.
funky:          yay.

                               (the end)

(sister again shoves, then writes: "the search for the birthday present")

--["fourth try"]--------------------------------------------------------------

                      "The Search for matthew's present."

cheesy:         where's matt's present, yo?
ralph:          umm.
daisy:          i ate it.
funky:          dumbo.

                                 (the end)

(sister gets mad)

--["fifth try (and, luckily, the last)"]--------------------------------------

                     "the search for presents, part deux"

cheesy:         okay, i have a knife.
daisy:          ouch.
funky:          here is the present.
daisy:          oww.  you cut open my stomach.
cheesy:         here ya go.  right next to the pancreas.

                                (Fin)

--[man.  those are bad.]------------------------------------------------------

that last one was a bit strange.  church has that effect on me.

please email me.  my email address is: phorce@openix.com

the eleet y0lk ftp site is, no matter what creed says,

        ftp://ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk

--[index]---------------------------------------------------------------------

.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$${body}amp;b.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder cometh y0lk!                $ creed   $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue        $ phorce  $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass!                                  $ creed   $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars                  $ creed   $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers             $ creed   $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed   $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life      $ creed   $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst                                      $ creed   $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave          $ trip    $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet                                             $ creed   $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost                                            $ poots   $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!#                                      $ phorce  $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death               $ creed   $
$ 56 $ dead cats                                                  $ juke    $
$ 57 $ my inner taco                                              $ handle  $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours?                                        $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money               $ lumpy   $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant                       $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road?                        $ insane  $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern                                          $ mutter  $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself                          $ creed   $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two                     $ creed   $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed   $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta)                             $ creed   $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles             $ ideal   $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays                                          $ phorce  $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"

--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------

     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.

phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!  beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
creed is god.  get used to it.

to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk

or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373.  k-rad.



email me (phorce) at phorce@openix.com.