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--[porgie tirebiter...]-------------------------------------------------------

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                    and pears.            `�$$�'   phorce

--[...and a girl delighter]---------------------------------------------------

     luv the ascii?  i made it.  all by myself.  y'see, ascii is easier than
ansi 'cuz there'z no colors involved in ascii.  but one could argue that a
GOOD ascii guy should worry about texture, density of those little pixely
thangs, etc.. i only worry about whether or not the borders that the chars
make fit into a form and look good.

     don't like it?  blame it on the backwards-P/paragraph chars i took out
'cuz it didn't post on hooch's TAG board.  that's why the circles don't look
round.  waak.

--[pox on your firstborn, son of god]-----------------------------------------

     xmas season's comin' soon.  feh.  being a non-jew, i gotta get gifts for
people..  which gave me a great idea.. the y0lk holiday catalog.  y'know, i
could sell y0lk-related products through the mail and make major moolah!

     i know that you're thinking, "kinda like the bloom county holiday gift
catalog?"  you betcha!@  exactly like the bloom county gift catalog.

     what i'm thinking is to offer some products, and wait for the mail to
come in.  if i get any money, i'll do my best to mail a product out to you b4
december 25.  if not.. hell, just write the person an i.o.u. or something.

     it works if yur jewish, too, 'cept you're not gonna get your y0lk product
before chanukah is over.  (note the "ch" spelling of chanukah.  yay.)

--[on with the l.l. y0lk]-----------------------------------------------------

                                the y0lk 1995 
                         holiday gift-giving catalog

1.  your own customized y0lk:  yes, you can, for a price, hire y0lk!  hell, i
        haven't asked anyone else in y0lk, but i'm sure they're all for it..
        the basic idea here is - you send me money, i'll write the y0lk, or
        give the money to hooch or someone, or someone else, and they'll write
        the y0lk.. just for you!  remember to include yur name, handle, or
        whatever sick fetish you want to see in your y0lk.  makes a great gift
        for the k-radgod/doodleb0y/hax0r with everything.  available in print
        and/or electronic form.

2.  the y0lk toy:  send money and get a cheap plastic toy with the word "y0lk"
        somewhere on it.  the more money you send, the nicer the toy will be.
        the santa clause: i will not buy sex toys for you.

3.  "y0lk" brand condoms:  sheesh, forget i offered it.

4.  the y0lk cereal-of-the-month club:  you have, no doubt, heard of the neato
        "fruit-of-the-month," "meat-of-the-month," "insert-name-of-food-here-
        of-the-month" clubs.  if not, then i will explain.  the way it works
        for my mom (don't try to read any y0m4m4 jokes into that phrase) is
        that the fruit-of-the-month company sends her catalogs of all the
        fruit-plans or something and try to get her to buy, as business gifts,
        a "fruit-of-the-month-plan" for her customers (she's a realtor).  you
        can get a 3-month, 6-month, 9-month, and whole year subscription to
        this for your customer, and, of course, they will always remember you
        the next time someone asks them, "i'm thiking of buying a house with
        someone who gives me free fruit.. got any suggestions?"  the way MY
        cereal-of-the-month club works is that you send me money, i'll figger
        out how many months of cereal-club action that'll buy, and send out
        regular monthly doses of cereal ranging from the strange, hard-to-find
        brands to the mainstream cereals.  hell, buy this for yourself if you
        really like cereal.  then you can tell friends, "i just got my `goat-
        herder's krispies' yesterday, and it's grrrreat!"  be the first on
        your block!  amaze neighbors!  make new friends!

--[welp, that's all the products i could think of]----------------------------

     i hope i actually get some orders.  i'm counting on some regular (hah!)
reader of y0lk to get it into their noggin to order something.  let's see..
it's almost sunday, 10 december.  so if you want to order you better order
RIGHT NOW.

     pricing?  umm.. basically, however much money you can fit in an envelope.
the key here is to take the bills (no change, damn you) and wrap them in paper
so that you can't hold the envelope up to the light and see the money.  it
helps if you have security envelopes, too.

     cash, please.  if you pay by check, make checks payable to (debating
whether or not to put name.. ahh, who cares) "c. erway".  that's all you'll
need to know.

     ookay, well i guess all you need is an address.  here ya go.  send all
orders to:

                y0lk holiday gift-giving extravaganza
                p.o. box 4414
                warren, nj 07059

--[welp, send me moolah]------------------------------------------------------

     my ultimate goal is for someone to send me money.  c'mon, ya li'l modem
rat, dig deep into yer pockets and send $$ to da 3l33t p.o. box.  send dead
animals too.  that'll earn tons of free products.  death threats will be typed
and published.

--[signin' off]---------------------------------------------------------------

     g'night, y0lkf0lks.  send me $$.

--[index!@]-------------------------------------------------------------------

.s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$${body}amp;s.
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan.                           $ creed   $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $
$ 35 $ the y0lk 1995 holiday catalog                              $ phorce  $
`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$





     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.  woog.

        mindcrime is an official y0lk member.


--[richard m. nixon's ssn is 567-68-0515]-------------------------------------