💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › TURD › turd-01.… captured on 2022-01-08 at 17:34:32.
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/\/\OO/\/\ ASCII BAT AND STUFF PROUDLY PRESENT /\/\OO/\/\
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ttttttttttttt uuuu uuuu rrr ddddddddddd
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THE UNDEAD RISE, DAMMIT!
AN EZINE FOR ZOMBIES
BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO CRAVE BRAINS
THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE TURD FILE, THE FIRST TURD FILE TO REACH THE MASSES!
\\_//
~~x\ "MLARGH... UMARL... BRAINS!" //////
/~~ \ /O-O\
\ C /____ "DIE!" \o /
|_____ /|\
| - - - - - - - - - ----- / | \
| ) (/ | \
|\ |
| \ / \
__| \__ __/ \__
Ever wonder what it is about zombies that make people with automatic weapons
want to shoot us? I find myself wondering the same thing all the time. But
wait, I'm a zombie! How am I thinking!?!? OH NO! YOU'VE DISCOVERED THE LONG
KEPT ZOMBIE SECRET OF THE AGES: WE CAN DO MORE THAN EAT BRAINS! In fact,
that's what keeps us alive!
For those of you unfamiliar with the nature of zombie powers, when a zombie
eats a brain (depending on the superstitions of said zombie) he might inherit
the memories of the person he just ate. This can cause some zombies to throw
nasty zombie tantrums. One time, when I was still new to the eating of
brains, I ate the brain of a thug gangster. It was then that I understood why
people like to shoot me with automatic weapons: because everyone likes to shoot
automatic weapons. For the brief time that my thoughts were plagued by those
of a thug ganster. He shot at everything at moved. And sometimes, he'd get
really drunk after slamming 40's with his niggas and then stuff that I've never
seen move would start moving. The thug gangster would then shoot his automatic
piece at the moving stuff that normally doesn't move.
I don't think he ever shot a zombie though. He tried to pull out that
automatic piece shit on me but I had gnawed well into his pale flesh by then.
Yes, that's right. This thug ganster was paler than I've ever been, more pale
than a ghost. (That is, if you believe in ghosts. But what you're reading was
made by a zombie.)
Had I not waited to tell you this story until after the thug gangster's mind
had left me, it would've sounded much different.
But that was a long time ago and I've eaten many brains since then. And it is
my keeper, ASCII BAT, who keeps me in line sometimes. But he knows that if he
doesn't deliver me the fleshiest of brains, then I'll eat his and then things
will really get interesting.
Even though none of your precious low class zombie pictures have depicted it,
when zombies laugh, it's the most evil cackle. So pretend as you read this
that my evil zombie cackle is ringing in your ears.
Should my keeper ever betray me, I might begin to seek out those who know of my
existence and now that you are done reading this file, you know.
Let the reader beware...
OF ZOMBIES!
END OF TURD #1
WRITTEN BY: ASCII BAT
11-19-02