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Netmonkey Weekly Report
Issue XIX
November 24th, 1998

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`Y$ [ n ] ETMONKEY [ W ] EEKLY [ R ] EPORT

Well damnit man, 3 weeks in a row. I don't think we can keep
this up too much longer. We continue the "Quote of the week"
segment we added last week, and we are also going to add the
letters to the editor stuff. I will be thinking about some other
new sections this week and so expect another strange area of the
mag next week. We would also like someone to do a game group
review weekly, if you feel you can do this well, let us know.
Cya next week

Lester [Co-Editor/Head Writer]

W00t! another issue out the door!
The bot is in full effect now, and #nwr should be where you
can get the latest issues, if we can get zeus, our botmaster
to post the issues.. ;)
Good to see so many ppl love the mag, remember to msg
lester and tell him how much you love the shit he writes,
and how it would be good if he wrote more, cause you love
him, and shit... or smth..
Be sure to check out the AWESOME pic of MRPUMPKIN that
we so thoughtfully included in this week's issue!! its a
candid shot of him out on a DATE!!!
Also check out the included log of a bunch of jackasses
arguing with dee about PFTP.. i don't think i need to say much
about it, other than dee rules, and darkiex, who the fuck are you
besides some pftp lame-ass?

Webpage/coded mag coming soon!!

ndetroit [Co-Editor/Head Fatass]

-----------[ index ]-----------

I.) Intro
a) Lester
b) ndetroit

II.) Quotes of the Week

III.) Stats - Weekly Stats, and comments on Sites.
IV.) Lester's Biased Courier Report

V.) Articles
a) Movie Review - "AHX", "EotS", "Celebrity"
b) STH loses its affils - ndetroit

VI.) Scene News - All the news thats fit to print

VII.) Rumors!

VIII.) Closing

---------------------[ Quotes of the Week! ]---------------------

-<Stigma> whats this bullshit?
<Stigma> now-dead mnm?
<Stigma> i shove my dick in nwr's ass

-<duranus> CWS would take a month to do in my head
<duranus> i have 100 chinnese kids in a sweatshop
<duranus> adding up weektops for me

-gimi changes topic to "sth - no longer affliated with class"
Honker changes topic to "sth - no longer affiliated with class or mfd"
mgd changes topic to "FiRESiTE Welcomes MFD as WHQ"

-<loke-> sth is in trouble now
<duranged> they should turn it into a shellbox maybe

-*** Now talking in #M??
<duranged> !deluser DarkieX
<duranged> !del DarkieX
<DarkieX> !own duranged
<duranged> !-user DarkieX
*** DarkieX was kicked by duranged (PFTPER)

Hrmm... wtf does duranged have 3 quotes in here??
Hi bernis
hi grind
hi blas
etc, etc... ;]

-----------[ ndetroit's sites and stats section ]-----------

Good week this week. A lot of strong sites out there, and most
of them making a good showing. I dunno what is going on with those
TFA guys, but they have more traders on chart this week, so... wtf?
Good work to them.

Shocking news with that whole STH situation... read up more later
in the issue about that.. ;)

FS = far and away the best site in the world, making it difficult
to find competitors for, now that STH has taken such a big hit.
I have grave doubts that they will get either Razor or Paradigm
to fill the gaping hole left by CLASS, and losing MFD didn't help
them too much either...
oh well.. at least they still have VGN. ;>

MP is back to being the hotshit site it was before it went down..
thats good to see, and they will probably get either pdm or
class soon, i imagine, now that class has that lovely EHQ position
open...

IC was good enough to be on the list this week, but i had to leave
it off, because some bitches (not naming any names, *cough*kf*cough,
cough*sj*cough) didn't bother to add me to the bots, so fuck if
I could find a weektop... :) next week tho..

Darklands seems to be showing up fairly regularly these days, so
good job to them, and new this week is MG, midgaard, dms's ehq, or
smth... Look for MDK to join the list next week if they can pick
up a few good affils, and get their daemon issues fixed up..

=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=
Sites are rated on a 3X and 2X scale.. if you want to know why we
do it that way, read an old issue. Couriers get 10 points per site they get
#1 on, 9 points for 2nd place, 8 points for 3rd, etc, etc.
Sites are rated by us. If you don't like the ratings, then....
heh... fuck off and die..
=--------------------------------------------------------------------------=

The Top Ten sites for this week are:

x3 FS -*- STH -*- ET -*- E -*- MP
x2 RDX -*- ROC -*- DLS -*- MG -*- LA

---=NETMONKEY COURiER REPORT=---

trader group FS STH ET E MP RDX ROC DLS MG LA pts pos
------------------------------------------------------------------
garoto DEV 2 2 1 8 2 1 0 0 0 0 140 [1]
kruzin RiSC 0 0 2 1 0 7 4 1 1 5 131 [2]
glen MnM 5 6 0 3 0 0 5 7 0 6 87 [3]
tc VGN 3 1 0 7 6 0 6 0 0 0 61 [4]
dualstandard RiSC 8 8 0 6 10 0 0 6 0 3 61 [4]
lethal VGN 0 0 0 4 0 3 2 0 0 0 55 [6]
nightshade TFA 7 0 9 2 0 0 7 0 0 0 53 [7]
poo TFA 0 0 3 5 0 0 0 0 6 0 52 [8]
blas TFA 0 0 5 0 0 0 1 0 4 0 52 [8]
slammar DEV 0 4 6 10 7 0 0 0 0 0 51 [10]

* = no weektop this week.

=--------------------------------=--------------------------------------=

-----------[ Lester's Biased Courier Section ]-----------

Lester's Biased Courier Report

Biased Report Bitchez

My second week in a row being back at the old post. Again, I didn't
trade so I missed some things but I do have a few nuggets to toss out.
So read up.

Dimension: Another solid week, not quite as good as last week, but still
won where it counted. The other surprise was DMS picking up Jess, the
longtime VGN slut who has departed from them. More information on that
at the end. Jess was a trading force again last week, pulling #1 on a few
key sites.

Devotion: Solid as usual, making the race closer this week than last week.
Same crew, same story, and Jaydee is a fag.

Millennium: Well, after stating they were dead last week, I got alot
of harrassment from their sole trader, glen. He traded as hard as he
could this week and turned up #3. So they aren't dead, but close enough
to it to make me happy:)

Risc: Bahahaahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha. Need I say more?

VGN: Read above review. I will also add the 2 of the 3 things VGN had
going for them are fucked now. Jess is out, and STH is now fallen
completely from grace. I guess my story couldn't save them. Losing Class
and Manifest in the span of an hour.. get more info later in the mag on how
that happened. So VGN's one shining mark of having STH as whq is more or
less useless now.

Other groups: are there other groups? Who gives a shit.

Well I said I would talk about Jess a little bit here. I'd like to
continue my chronicling of the fact that Hawkeye has become a total moron
in his days, maybe a little too much man on man action from his army days,
I dont know. Jess wants to trade again, and so the logical reaction for a
dead group would be: GREAT. Jess may be a slut, but she can trade pretty
damn good. But what does VGN's fearless leader do? Laugh at her and blow
her off. What does Ddruid do when she asks for a shell? Blows her off
as well. Some respect for the loyalty she has shown, so you can really
hardly blame her for quitting. I asked her for a quote, check it out:

<Lester> want to give me a few quotes?
<jess0r> no!
<jess0r> :)
<Lester> haha
<Lester> bitch
<jess0r> u are :)

So, as you can see, she's plenty upset..:P
I will also show you a little more of the log here as we kept talking

<jess0r> Damn you make me so hot, I can barely even trade anymore. I'm
always thinking about you.

And it just goes on and on from there.

Enjoy the magazine babies.

Les

=----------------------------------=--------------------------------------=

-----------[ Articles ]-----------

=----------------------------------=-------------------------------------=

=---------[ Lester's Movie Review Section ]----------=

Sure he's a prominent scene member, leader of the #1 courier
group, and former "Miss Scene 1995".. But did you also know that
in real life, Lester's real name is "Roger", and he hosts a popular
syndicated television show, where he plays a big fatass who has
nothing better to do with his time than go to every single movie
ever released? Well.. now you know..

Well boys, I was even busier this weekend, seeing 3 films in 2 days,
all 3 were quality films and so I'll go over them for ya.

American History X
New Line Pictures
Starring: Edward Norton, Edward Furlong, Beverly D'angelo
Rating: 4 Stars / Out of 4)

Well this is probably the best film I've ever seen where the director
didn't even want his name put on it. There's been numerous articles
and interviews with Tony Kaye on his feelings that the movie was raped
by Norton and New Line Pictures. They deny doing any more editing than
normal, but none the less, Kaye wants nothing to do with his own film.
Which is a sad thing, American History is the best film of 1998 as of
yet, the second oscar caliber film of this year, the only other being
Saving Private Ryan. I consider this film better than SPR though, the
performance that Norton gives as the lead character is amazing, the
emotions that he delivers with just the look in his eyes is enough to
give you chills. I really dont wish to give away much of the movie, but
Norton proves for the third time that he is a truly gifted actor, debuting
in Primal Fear with an amazing performance, and then in People Vs. Larry
Flint he was once again very good. Neither performance compares to this
one though, I was highly impressed. The rest of the cast is pretty good
as well, Furlong plays Norton's younger brother who grows up idolizing
big bro. The movie is disturbing in the sense that you are faced with
the fact that there truly are people that ignorant. But we all faced that
fact last week with Sitez's log. :)
If we had to give out awards right now I'd have to give this movie Best
Picture, so I tell you all to check it out! Also look for Sitez playing
the character "Seth"!

PICK OF THE WEEK^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Celebrity
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Charlize Theron, Kenneth Branagh, and a
bunch of other people you will recognize.
Rating: 3 stars / out of 4

I am not usually a big fan of Woody Allen films, the whole black and
white and his terribly annoying speech. Well this film is also in B&W,
but it does not have Woody in it at all, which was surprising. They do
make Kenneth Branagh's character a woody allen clone in the way he speaks,
which was one of the few things that bothered me. The movie is about
celebrities and the different lives that they lead, it centers around
Branagh's character, a strugglin travel magazine writer who wants to get
someone to act in his screenplay, and his ex-wife a neurotic woman who's
life gets turned around. Most of the big names have small parts in the film,
just appearing to play for 15-20 minutes at the most. One of my friends was
telling me that he had to see this movie, because all of Woody's movies are generally about oral sex, and this movie being no different, there are a few
oral sex based scenes. If you like Woody Allen films, you'll like this one,
and even if you don't really like him, like myself. You may still enjoy this
film, it's got comedy, and alot of big names in there. Also, it is not overly
long at a mere 2 hours and 10 minutes, which is a change of pace for the way
movies are going these days. So anyways, check it out.

-----------------------------

Enemy of the State
Touchstone Pictures
Starring: Will Smith, Gene Hackman, Jon Voight
Rating: 3 and 1/2 stars / out of 4)

Well, Mr. Smith is back again with another bigtime movie. Little
bit different role for him, not battling aliens, but still a role
that fits him. Directed by Tony Scott and produced by Jerry
Bruckheimer, with Smith in the lead role, you pretty much have
yourself a money making film. Bruckheimer has produced some of the
biggest movies of all time, and consistantly does it every year,
last year it was Armageddon. Anyways, the movie is about a lawyer
who has a videotape of a congressman being murdered handed to him
unknowningly, and the murderers proceed to hunt him down and try to
ruin his life to get the tape. Hackman plays the only one he can trust
and they play off of each other quite well in this movie. Jon Voight
plays his typical anal retentive bad guy, and he does it as well as
always, a few highlights that most people may not care about. Jason
Lee, Seth Green and Jamie Kennedy are all in this movie. Jason Lee of
the Kevin Smith films, Mallrats & Chasing Amy. Seth Green from hundreds
of films but most recently playing "Oz" in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
series. Jamie Kennedy, the best character in the Scream films,
playing Randy the video store geek. All are fun to watch. The movie
is typically what you would expect, lots of action, plenty of Will
Smith jokes, the usual bit. But it doesn't come across as the same
old shit. The story doesn't develop too predictably, and there's
plenty of high tech devices for us computer freaks to be impressed with.
For the general movie going audience, this is the film to see this week.
If you want to see the best film, then AHX is the best one, but Enemy
of the State is still a very good movie. Enjoy folks, I need to sleep:)

=----------------------------------=--------------------------------------=

--------------[STH Loses Its Affils]--------------

Well, well, well.. What a week it was for the scene's two best sites.
Firesite and Stairway to Heaven, long regarded as the scene's #1 and #2
site (depending on who you talk to!) had one hell of a weekend.. ;)

Lets start at the start... namely: mgd.

It all started a few weeks ago, when all siteop privilages were taken
away by the STH staff, in the hopes of "tightening things up"..
Mgd happened to have useradd, etc privilages, as he was a member of
class, and longtime supporter of STH...
He wasn't too happy about his privs being revoked...
Mgd's tagline on STH and other sites the past few weeks:
200- | 09 mgd FiRESiTE=The ONLY real site 0 116.207 megs

Needless to say, this didn't sit too well with the STH siteops, especially
considering STH was class..

So they removed him..

Probably not the best idea.. Not only was mgd a high-ranking member
of their games affil (cls), but he was also ranked somewhere on their
alltime list..

All hell broke loose.

And.. (there has been a lot of dispute over this) Class dropped STH..
(not, it WASNT the other way around)..
Class stood by their member, and lost an affiliation with the #1/2 site
in the world for him..

What happened next is perhaps not as well known in the scene, but what
it amounts to is those wacky guys at mfd dropping sth, "just so they could
piss gimi and hawkeye off".... bahahaha... hey, i didn't say it... ;)

FS picked up MFD, on the justification that MFD released both larger
and better quality releases... Fallen left FS shortly thereafter,
and is still on the lookout for a new WHQ..

My spin on the situation:

Love him or hate him (and there are a lot out there who do!), what
mgd did amounts to siteop and group manoevering GENIUS. By getting CLASS
to drop STH, he not only improved CLASS's position (freed to take MP, or
one of the other promising EUROs), but he also did FS a HUGE favor, by
seeing to it that CLS now only has one euro site that they can pre to..
(for now)...
The holiday season is coming up, and having a games group becomes
critical for both the desireability and credibility of your site, during
the BUSY BUSY weeks ahead..

STH lost out bigtime, as they are unlikely to pick up PDM (not a lot
of love between the two), or razor (already have more than enough HQs).
What will likely end up happening is that FALLEN will go to STH,
effectively making it so that they and MFD swapped sites... Which is better
is a matter of opinion, but you can bet that mgd isn't a real popular guy
in #g???? right now..

If i were STH, i would get moving now, to try to find SOME affils
to replace my lost gems.. (siege alone ain't gonna cut it).. Current
reports are that ORiGiN is lukewarm at best to the prospect, and one
member is quoted as saying "I will NEVER let STH be ogn WHQ.."
Hrmm...

If i were mgd, i'd watch my back.. There are an aweful lot of pissed
off ppl right now who are out for his blood... <g>

-ndetroit
=----------------------------------=--------------------------------------=

-----------[The Scene News]-----------

All the news thats fit to print...
and then some...

-Well, well, well... what can i say? Did i call it, or what?
Last week, i believe i said something all the lines of "Firesite
is the best site in the world"... or smth.. This week.. well,
lets just say this: where the fuck else is CLASS going to pre
all those big fatty fat XMAS releases now??

-Mpower is doing DAMN good.. dms whq soon? cls ehq soon? you'll
find out here first!!

-group moves: dthangel to mnm, hazzy quits ent, cedric to mnm,
jess to dms, (nice pickup, btw), stigma quit mnm, and weeze
joined vgn..

-Apparently Stigma quit MnM over some huge fight, in which
he called dee a "homo", or "loser" or smth like that.. this
pissed off weeze, who MnM were recruiting, and caused MnM
to take a vote on whether or not to kick stigma for his
disrepectful comments... All of this is 2nd-hand info tho,
so fuck me if i am wrong.. and really.. who the fuck cares? ;p

-Bleh.. i did NOT say that QSR = Quasar last week.. ndetroit
wasn't looking wtf he was doing, and pasted that shit wrong..
FOR THE RECORD, QSR = Quicksilver, and are still a bunch of
wankers for not kicking darkiex... wake the fuck up, you homo's,
or read the goddamn log we have this week..

-REBELS: i'm sure you are a good group of ppl, and you put out
some nice stuff, but PLEASE, do the fucking scene a favor, and
LEARN HOW TO GODDAMN PRE@!@^*#(&*!^!
12 mins/disk is NOT cool... it took you 2 hours to do a 15 disk
release!!! make friends with some nice curry group, and let them
do it for you, or smth.. for GOD'S SAKES.

-darkiex = kicked from mdk, good work mdk staff..

-sky masterson
=----------------------------------=----------------------------------------=

--------[Stories from the Watercooler]----------

Ahh yes, rumors, we all love them even though we love to say how much we
hate them when they are about us. And these are some of the better ones
circulating around this week. Email us or find us on irc if you have a
good rumor you'd like entered, your name will not be included, but we
do not add rumors like that say "Tdpriest is having anal sex with Fusion"
because we know that Fusion is only having sex with Xtremist and therefore
there is no hard evidence of that rumor, so if you have real rumors, let us
know. Let's begin!

-Rumor has it that MnM is not dead?!?! wtf?? yes they are!!

-Rumor has it that pdm is going to MDK, cls is going to MP,
and rzr is going to pick up another 15 HQ's this week.. ;p

-Rumor has it that MP will soon be DMS WHQ, now that jess has
joined up with them.. DMS currently only has MG, TV, and TMS..
none are of world hq caliber quality..

-Rumor has it that mandrake and george have LEFT australia,
and are on their way to LAS VEGAS this week, to ELOPE together
Mandrake: for the good of the scene, DON'T DO IT!!

-Rumor has it that [grind] has a 3 inch penis!!! (i guess its
not really *that* shocking)

-Rumor has it that Kruzin is still a big fat cheater, and if you
haven't kicked him off your site yet... wtf are you waiting for??

=-------------------------------------=--------------------------------------=

Well friends.. Thats about it. If you've read this far, we sincerly thank you.
We like to know this thing gets read, so if you get the time, drop one of us
a quick msg, and tell us what you think, give us suggestions, tell us it sucks,
or just say "hi" to us!....

Greets fly out to: jaydee, mgd, stix, tdp, hr, eci, jamili, raptor, skill,
mandrake, zeus, speedy, subzero, superfly@okcomputer, dee, sj, paledeth, dur,
tech+his crew, Kusa, ssava, acidapple, and all the rest of you that we love...

Find us on IRC in #nwr, (channel commands: !nwr 23, or whatever issue you want),
or email us at our phearsome address: (that may or may not still work!)

netmonkey@penis.com

take care..

peace.

-ndetroit + lester.

NWR 11/24/98