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[ null - issue twee, september circa 1996 ]
[ editors - myrddin (gerritt) aka " the mighty gerrakis " and krieg (chris) ]
[ music - listen to any of frank zappas records while reading this ]
[ " in every genius there is a tincture of madness " - aristotle (smart guy) ]
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disclaimer ::
null magazine is NOT to be read or understood by the following : fruit bats,
large home appliances, the letter q, odly colored vegetables, orangutans, any
carnivorus utilties of destruction and/or utilities of the bathroom, blinking
green lights, stop watches, small women and old children, the lost boys (only
applicable if not in the fatherly hand of peter pan), socks with faces, govt
approved cheese, copper nickels, law students, the coroner and racist camels.
any of those partys reading this magazine may not receive health benefits not
granted to anyone else or anyone in the first place. void within ten seconds.
no drugs other than caffine and chocolalte are used in the production of null
electronic magazine. all articles are/were written between 1:00am-5:00am.
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null.ruiz (another rockin editorial) the mighty gerrakis
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" and youll be my dutchess, my dutchess of prunes "
i gotta say the result to the past two issues has been great! we have insulted
many peoples intelligences and have recived several flames from 31337 hax0rs
to ansi doodleboys!! i would say we are doing great so far! woohoo!!
if you ever wanna get some good food while down in florida, look round for
some fresh panther or manatee, its really good eatin. you have to catch the
big sea cows though, theyre hard to pull in, not very quick. just go to any
florida everglades offical and give him 200 bucks, wink your left eye and
proceed to jump for his gun, its the secret password down here to get that
kind of rare food. you didnt hear it from me *wink* teehee
-
this issue will have nothing to do with what is within these two little lines,
its just something i gotta say and its not neccecary to read to get the rest
of the issue, so continue or dont, either way, keep reading.
i only wanna talk about this once, and i promise i wont do it again, since
null is strictly non-computer crapo stuff as far as im concerned. if i could,
i wanna insult people who draw ansi. you people suck, dont you have something
better to do? i mean cmon, anyone who pays money for colored blocks in a tfile
has got to be the biggest loser this earth has spawned. why do you waste your
time drawing crap on the computer and jerking off in #ansi all day, damn that
is really pitiful.
just the other day i went into channel #ansi to offer the latest null packs
and whodini asked me what null was, i said meaningless psychobable and he said
if he wanted to read psychobable he would lie down and imagine it himself, in
other words, you suck. that kinda pissed me off, he had not even read either
of the issues of null, i dont know if that owuld have changed anything but it
may have.
i admit, i did ansi crap for like a year and i sucked at it, kinda, i wasnt
bad .. i draw in real life though and do a lot of other things that i can
make money at, things that are worthwile. i wasted that year i was an ansi
d00d and i regret it, but people like whodini (who have been around since i
was in the "scene" are still lame as shit, i member i even drew him an ansi
back when i was in spastic, hahah, oh well, time to end this crap.
-
harumph, that parts over with, and i promise i wont talk like that anymore,
i can only hope i get email from ansi d00dlers and flamed on irc, what fun.
krieg is back this issue, with some real quality stuff, im still working
towards his style, he is really good at it. well, here we go again ..
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null.ruiz (frank zappa rules) the mighty gerrakis
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damn he sure does, listening to his music while i write is perfect inspiration
for null. if you have not ever heard his music before, you have to, he is a
master of all instruments, he can play anything, a bike, a washing machine,
whatever.
lyricaly he is a genius, a master of the obscure and rediculous. here is an
example, a couple short lines from the song " the duke of prunes " :
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the cheese i have for you, my dear ( reaching out with his cheese, he shows
his love for the subject. )
is real and very new ( he wont give her any second rate cheese, none of that
old and moldy stuff, yuck!, only the best )
prune! (pah-da-dah!) ( ah his true love shows here, the prune, a majestical
fruit, wonderous and powerful. )
if it is a real prune knows no cheese ( here he shows the contrast in power
between the prune and the cheese )
-
writing this article and examining these lyrics almost brings me to tears,
the majesty of his writing has been unmatched for years.
here at null, we strive to attain the powerful writing style that he had,
although we are very far, we hope, in another 30 or 40 years that we may
become equal, but that will most likely never happen.
frank actually had a gigantic influence on null, frank and the word stoth
are the two turning points for chris and my own deveopment in writing. of
corse, chocolate milk, rootbeer, stork reisen and nachos can be attributed
to at least 40% of the creative process.
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null.ruiz (the stoth quote) the mighty gerrakis
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this is the quote that chris and i have rememberd for 4 years now, we will
never forget it, an old friend of mine ian and myself made it up, it is the
code of the stoth, a short quote that is to be rememberd by all psychotics
who write of the stoth and its mysterious nature.
a stoth doesnt bleed till its shot
but when it stops bleeding, its over
remember these words, never forget, dont ever forget.
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null.ruiz (peter pan ruiz) the mighty gerrakis
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nice to see ya bob, hows the kids
peter piper blew a whistle
sang a song to (yeeee yeeeee) scare the mice
jumpin monkey munched some corn
rabid frog turned into an ogre
evil orcus kicked (yeeee yeeeee) tv in the shoes
school for bums in summer is new
they have no shoes, they shine the blues
jerkis merkis (yeeee yeeeee) they play the spoons
dolly preventing production (yeeee yeeeee)
drumset playing the bar-top
and the stoth waits, playing the slot machine
yeeee yeeeee, yeeee yeeeee
its time to close, tip your waitress
fin.
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null.ruiz (boggle the card) the mighty gerrakis
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i hate writing stuff on paper, it takes so damn long and comes out looking
like crap. typing is much faster and is a lot neater, takes less space too.
damn this rules, im typing about how awesome typing is. only thing paper is
good for is like, drawing stuff, like frogs, and fish, and ducks.
fish are cool, specially tuna, tuna with some cajun seasoning grilled to a
nice brown/black is the most amazing food ever, mmmm.
see that burger king commercial with the cure song on it? its got like
mmm mmm mmmm
mmmm mmmmm mmmm.
on it with a bouncing burger and stuff, pretty stupid, the cure sucks, so does
all 80's music. harumph. im gonna go draw some cool stuff on paper and scan
it in, thatll be fun, wee..
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null.ruiz (a sloth like woman) krieg
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Sophy was a booth for rodents and rotodendrons. She had a big yellow braid
in her loevly little armpit. A slig-like-crawler was a-climbing on up it.
She spotted a cat, and gave it her rash. Jack was a donkey that
liked to bash. Jack sat on his pail, and Sophy came into the mire.
Jack sat still, and threw a quill from the hill. Sophy came a-round,
and ducked way down, and the slig-like-crawler hopped off and wallowed
in the mire, doing a jig-like-dance with a pig-like-prance. Jack tugged
Sophy's braid, and a whirl of sweat poured on his hand. Sophy removed
the bucket from Jack's ass, and he became a man not a lass. A flashlight
grew from the mold, and buzzed and whirred and catamarazzed. And just then,
just very then, Sophy pulled out a hug, from her very moldy jug. Jack
jumped at the sight and ran in fright. Sophy dirked his head with a hug
before he could grug.
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_anything that gerritt and chris wrote is copyright us, dont mess with it!!!_