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      The Neo-Comintern Electronic Magazine  --  Installment Number 201
 .... .. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . .. ....
    `""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
      
                  Subversive Literature for Subverted People

                  Date:                         May 16, 2002

                  Editor:                                BMC

                  Writers:                          Pavement
                                                      Heckat
                                                Gnarly Wayne
                                                         BMC


  d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
 ;P                      Featured in this installment:                     .b
 $                                                                          $
 $                           ASCII Buddha - Heckat                          $
 $                          Accompanying Story - BMC                        $
 $                       Paid Advertisement - Pavement                      $
 $              The Deejay's Guide to Timepieces - Gnarly Wayne             $
 `q                                                                        p'
   `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'

                                EDITOR'S NOTE
                      (please do not read the following)

  Here again it's the N-Com with the knowledge you can't find in college.
  Within the characters of this textfile you will find many things.  You
  will find more spirituality and mysticism than you ever thought could be
  discovered on a computer screen.  Next you will learn a valuable lesson
  about capitalism and how wonderful it is.  Finally, if you still don't
  know what time it is, you'll find out how the devices of time can rock the
  house without a doubt.  Have you heard of our sordid past?  FUCK FUCK FUCK
  fuck me, fuck me up, fuck me over, fuck me on the phone,
  fuck me two times baby, fuck me any way you like, fuck my world,
  I love fuck 'n roll.

  -slap-

  Thanks, I needed that.  Truly, this one is for you.

  And now... THE ZINE!

                                                                       ,o$o
   o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Y$$b
  d$


                                                               `  `$b 
 d$'                            ASCII Buddha                             ,$
 $:                               By Heckat                             ,$P
  `$n,.. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . ..P' 
    `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

       880
     0888888
      88888
     8888808
      80888
        |  O
        | <I>
        | <->
  mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  above find the tree of life and its companion (here read spiritual leader)

  worship it if you must

                                                                       ,o$o
   o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Y$$b
  d$


                                                               `  `$b 
 d$'                         Accompanying Story                          ,$
 $:                                by BMC                               ,$P
  `$n,.. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . ..P' 
    `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

  One day Buddha decided that he had spent too much time being an ascetic.
  He came to this conclusion when he looked at himself in a pool's
  reflection and could see his spine from the front.  What's more, he could
  see through his spine as well.

  "That's it," said Buddha.  "I'm finah get my grub on."

  Buddha put on his Halloween costume from the year before when he went as a
  spirit and sat under a tree in a woman's yard.  When the woman came out of
  the house to smoke a blunt, Buddha popped out from behind the tree and
  said, "Let's do dis."

  This woman was like, "Who dis?"

  Buddha was like, "I'm the spirit of the tree, foo-el.  Now pass the
  joint."  But the woman had already finished off the whole thing so it was
  too late.  Instead, she gave Buddha a bowl - not of weed, but of rice!

  And when he was done eating, Buddha simply said "Word."  He had attained
  enlightenment.

                                                                       ,o$o
   o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Y$$b
  d$


                                                               `  `$b 
 d$'                         Paid Advertisement                          ,$
 $:                              by Pavement                            ,$P
  `$n,.. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . ..P' 
    `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

  I planned to write an article for The Neo-Comintern about the relation of 
  humanity to a cruel, uncaring universe.  Why bother?  Advertising is
  rapidly gobbling up every inch of free space in the world, so I deleted
  the whole thing.  Articles are passe; branded "content" is IN IN IN.  Ever
  one to keep up with the times, my new, improved "article" is an
  advertisment.  Viva Coca-Cola.  Jigga what.

  |Personals|

  --Men Seeking Women--

  *Correctional institute inmate seeks special lady.  Hobbies include bread 
  and water by candlelight, long walks down cell block "D," and passionately 
  dropping the soap.  I'll rock your world, girl.  I'll rock it harder than
  I rocked that fucker at the liquor store.  That is if I were guilty, which
  I'm not.  Free handsewn pot mitt with every inquiry.

  --Women Seeking Men--

  *Blonde, blue-eyed, big-breasted, 110 lbs.  Hobbies include football,
  video games, fetching beer for my man, and having sex all night, every
  night.  (full disclosure: none of that was true)

  --Men Seeking Men--

  *Party boi seeking same.  What better way to show our gay pride than 
  drinking overpriced margaritas and listening to shitty eurodance music?

  |Help Wanted|

  *ARE YOU EARNING AT LEAST $10,000 A YEAR?  No?  Then you won't mind
  becoming a member of the McDonald's Team!  Here's what some of our
  McWorkers are saying about a McDonald's career:

     +Mickey D's is great.  I have a lot more time off these days.

     +McThanks!  No need to worry about taxes anymore -- I don't make enough
      to pay them!


  |Lost/Found|

  *Missing: Brown dog.  Distinguishing features: ears, tail.  Will respond
  to a kick in the ass.  Lost him during trip to a marketplace in Beijing.

  |Items For Sale|

  *PLASTIC COLLECTOR CUPS from McDonald's.  Selling a full set of Batmans,
  and a partially completed set of Jurassic Parks.  Holy future college
  education for your kids, Batman -- these cups are HOT!  With a scant 90
  million in circulation, there just aren't enough to go around.

  *WIPE YOUR ASS!  With Osama Bin Laden toilet paper, that is!  This clever 
  novelty item is a surefire way to show the terrorists WE MEAN BUSINESS!

  *COLLECTIBLE PLATES, boldy emblazoned with "Britney Spears 4ever" logo.
  Will be produced for 45 firing days, then the mold will be destroyed
  forever!  How many plates can be "fired" by 926 machines, producing 600
  minutes plates a minute, 24 hours a day?  Let's find out!

  *AL'S AUTO ABODE wants YOU to have a car!  No credit -- no problem!  Bad 
  credit -- even better!

  *BUY A STATUS SYMBOL LIKE NO OTHER.  This handsome item has no purpose 
  whatsoever.  As seen in the New Yorker.

                                                                       ,o$o
   o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Y$$b
  d$


                                                               `  `$b 
 d$'                  The DeeJay's Guide to Timepieces                   ,$
 $:                           by Gnarly Wayne                           ,$P
  `$n,.. .  .   .    .     .      .        .      .     .    .   .  . ..P' 
    `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'

  I've recently been approached by many a persons telling me "Yo, G. Wang, I
  know what candy to eat and what isht to use when I injure myself, but what
  I really want to know is what is the best device to tell time and to alarm
  me when I need to be awoken."  To this I replied "JEAH!" and proceeded to
  reserch the best ways to tell time.  Obviously.  Though I suppose you got
  that from the title so really this is just a waste of space, much like
  most of my articles.


  Position of Sun via Eyesight: obviously this is the worst out of all.  If
  it was any bloody good, people wouldn't have invented other time telling
  devices.  Though if you look closely enough into the sun, you can see a
  baby.  Sometimes he will giggle at you, and when he does, you become one
  with the universe, which is cool enough but doesn't tell you the correct
  time.

  Rank: C (because of Baby Sun)


  Sundial Watch: I never got how these worked.  They seemed to work grand on
  Flintstones, but when I made one it was always wrong unless I was facing
  North, which I usually am not.  And it didn't come with an alarm.  I guess
  that's why whatever race made these watches died out.  HahHAhAHAHhaha on
  that race.

  Rank: D-


  Clocks with hour and minute hands (sometimes second hand): Yeah!  These
  are cool because you can get funny things like Goofy with his crazy hands
  going all over the place.  Though the second hand is always a red stick.
  It'd be cool if they made it his leg or something.  LOOK AT THAT CRAZY
  LEG!  IT'S MAKING A FULL ROTATION EVERY MINUTE! Flavour Flav wore a plain
  one of these clocks around his neck, much like I do.  Everyone says I'm
  /<-rad with it on, but I assume they are laughing behind my back (not
  caring cause I know the correct time).

  Rank: B-


  Digital Alarm Clocks: These are so accurate (as long as you set it right)
  that its not even funny.  My alarm goes like this:

  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

  I hate it sooooooo much.  Even if I hear it when I am already awake, it
  sends shivers down my spine.  I hate that noise so much, but am way far
  too lazy/cheap/stupid to buy a new one.  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
  How would you like to wake up to that every single fucking day.
  "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" There is no God.  I would like one that you could
  download mp3 or wav files to.  I'd pick the beginning of "Blackman in
  Effect" or possibly the old "Spiderman" theme song.  That way I could just
  get up and dance my wayne into the shower.

  Rank: C-


  Greenwich Synchronization via Internet: This is just stupid.  Everyone
  knows that the Internet is just a fad, so don't waste your 0 dollars on
  using this.  Get a good solid club instead.

  Rank: F+


  Asking Someone: this is good if you want to meet someone, which most
  people don't, or maybe they just don't want to meet me.  *giggle*  Anywho,
  people are morons that can't tell time anyway, so this is a waste of time,
  just like telling time is.  Who really cares in the long run?

  Rank: Who cares about time? Not me. I don't really do anything anywayne
  that requires me to notice time.


  Use this article in good or bad health, I don't really care.
  

 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.

  The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions.
  Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or
  anti-capitalist nature are wanted.  Contributors are encouraged to
  submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings
  into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of
  General Mirth.  The more creative and astray from the norm, the better.
  For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at
  <http://www.neo-comintern.com>.

  Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is
  approximately 200-1000 words.  Send submissions via email attachment to
  <bmc@neo-comintern.com>, or through ICQ to #29981964.

  Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The
  Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for
  publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern
  Magazine.

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -
    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | TWILIGHT ZONE                      (905) 432-7667 |
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |     Website at: http://www.neo-comintern.com      |
   |        Questions?  Comments?  Submissions?        |
   |        Email BMC at bmc@neo-comintern.com         |
   |___________________________________________________|

 -    -   -  - -- -------===========================------- -- -  -   -    -
  copyright 2002 by                                            #201-05/16/02
  the neo-comintern

  All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
  You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and
  the content must not be altered or modified in any way.  Unauthorized use
  of any part of this document is prohibited.  All rights reserved.  Made in
  Canada.