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Contents Of MLiR #6
01 - Editorial .......................... DaN aBNoRMaL
02 - A Boring Party ..................... DaN aBNoRMaL
03 - Slagoff ............................ BaRoN
04 - Porn Thesaurus ..................... DaN aBNoRMaL
05 - How Rude! .......................... BaRoN
06 - Human Implant Chip ................. DaN aBNoRMaL
07 - A Kid Called Jonas #5 .............. DaN aBNoRMaL
08 - Fun On Public BBS'S ................ DaN aBNoRMaL
09 - Irc Log: Auto Greet Scripts ........ DaN aBNoRMaL
10 - Big Night .......................... BaRoN
11 - Exposed! Microsoft Are Warez Pups .. DaN aBNoRMaL
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Editorial By DaN aBNoRMaL
Underpants. Yes that's right you heard me. Underpants, Ok I've filled the
monthly quota of the word "underpants" you won't hear any longer. Now that's
out of the way, onto the main reason I wrote this editorial.
The main subject for this article is people who charge money for their bbs. Hey
I do that say some people. Well you're stupid then. Why charge money for it?
It's already costing the people money to call you, so why charge them? That's
the governments job to charge people for stupid things, not you, anyway it came
to my attention that an un-named bbs in the 08 area was/is charging $25 a month
for access to the board. How bloody stupid is that? Like anyone is gonna pay 25
dollars a month for some caggy board and its files. When you can get internet
access for the same price or lower and get newer, updated files. It just seems
ridiculous to me. Anyway, like I've said before - if the hacker ethic is meant
to be "information wants to be free" then why charge money for it? Or has the
hacker ethic "changed" just like the word "lamer" has to suit the needs of the
elite computer nerds. Warez boards charge this amount of money as well or even
more, this is also a bit stupid because they didn't anything for the game, why
should you? I suspect that it's to make you feel as if you are actually buying
a game :) Anyway back to the $25 a month shenanigans <hi flipside>. What will
the sysop running the bbs use this money for? Will he spend it on getting more
files for the users? Will he spend it on upgrading his computer; theoretically
making the bbs better? Or will he spend it on something for himself, like a new
HAM radio. I sure hope that no-one has paid this money as it seems like a
complete rip off and the feds should bust his sorry ass for being a nerd or
something. See you all later, I'm off to go logon a *free* bbs, gee that's a
weird concept for some!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Boring Party By DaN aBNoRMaL
Here's some details of a boring party that JuLeZ and I went to a while ago.
7:30) We arrived and talked to Sputnik 3 and his girlfriend.
7:40) Talked to Craig for a while about basketball and other stuff.
7:45) Had a cone or two with JuLeZ.
8:00) BaRoN and his girlfriend arrived. Had a chat, realised that this party
was crap.
8:10) Joanna <the hostess> had a chat with us and wondered if the party would
get any better <errr.. no>.
8:15) Had a beer <or two?> as more and more people arrived that I had never met
before. Some chick with perky breasts was sitting on a guys lap staring at me
and BaRoN.
8:30) BaRoN left after a while with his g/f, JuLeZ and I stupidly refused a
lift home.
8:31) Had a few more beers.
9:00) Starting to get really bored now, but we thought we would hang around a
bit longer "To see how things turn out" well, not much more did happen. I was
too busy staring at Louise, a very nice year 9! :)
9:30) Jenny had some gin <haha> I think it was, had a bit, tasted crap
9:40) Karen <some fat chick> was bored too and said whoever's bored come back
to my house and play pool. We thought, why not so we jumped in da car , pity
that there was also Mark, Louise, Jenny, Helena, Copycat, Me and JuLeZ in da
car, so the last three had to sit in the boot <its a station wagon> while
drawing rude pictures on her car.
10:00) We arrived at Karen's after a uncomfortable ride there, although we
managed to persuade her to go round the round-a-bout a few times.
10:01) Starting playing pool, w0w! just as exciting as before. The only thing
keeping us from going home was 1 - Didn't have a clue where we were and 2 -
Louise :)
10:30) <these times are REALLY approximate> played darts for a while, then
started drinking one of those BIG bottles of coke, all to myself. As I was
doing this, my fly must have been undone and I didn't notice until after :) Oh
yeah, I won pool twice in a row as well.
11:00) Went back to the party to see if anything at all was going on. Woohoo
somehow I got Louise to sit on my lap for the ride home <I guess it wasn't all
bad after all>.
11:20) Got back, awfully bored and a bit tired as well. Then I thought of a
revenge for such a terrible party...
11:25) Started packing beers into my bag - 1,2,3, 4,5,6! yeah. As we were
leaving these guys were apparently "chasing" us. Well the hostess thinks that
"chasing" is people walking very slowly after you saying something. Anyway, me
and JuLeZ weren't scared one bit and just kept walking home and home. Had about
one beer on the way home, the rest we chucked on peoples lawns and in parks.
12:00) Eww got home with a headache. Went to sleep thinking of Louise.
As you can see it was a VERY crap party and I hope I never go to one of those
again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Slagoff By BaRoN
I've been doing a bit of reading lately in between everything else. I don't
mean books I mean zines; and there is an awful amount of shit about. I don't
mean the content I mean the attitude. WE ARE THE BEST and all of that
bullshit. Do you really need or want to hear about how great people think they
are? You might think that I should just shut up and stop complaining well maybe
I should but why do we need this attitude. I'm better than everyone around me,
and why do they think this? I don't fucken know, maybe they know something
that we don't! but the chances are probably not. Maybe cause they are on some
scene boards? w0w so if I get the prime ministers phone number does that make
me better than the average Joe blow? NO it doesn't so please cut the crap we
know that you're no different. Now all you have to do is accept it ...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The MLiR Porn Thesaurus By DaN aBNoRMaL
Here's the MLiR Porn Thesaurus, it contains a fairly large selection of names
for common male and female sex organs and sex actions. Mainly thanks to a whole
load <g> of adult stories from Cryptic :) Others are just from and school etc.
Penis - Cock, Cockmeat, Throbbing Cock, Whopper, Hardened Male Flesh, Dong,
Schlong, Prick, Shaft, 8 Incher, Dick, Super Erect Penis, Peter, Prick
Meat, Stiffy, Hard On, Chop, Meat
Vagina - Cavern Of Love, Cunt, Love Tunnel, Dripping Cunt Lips, Snatch, Pussy,
Sex Box, Wet Box, Slit, Bush, Twizzer, Bush, Moisty, Love Hole
Fingering - Oyster Soup, Two Finger Tango
Testicles - Beefy Balls, Balls, Heavy Hairy Balls, Nuts, Family Jewels
Semen - Long Pearly String Of Cum, Jism, Cum , Ropes Of Cum, Fat Wads Of Cum,
Suntan Lotion, Gobs And Gobs Of Hot Wet Semen, Jets Of Jism, Cheese,
Sprog, Spoof - some girl i know says that her boyfriends cum tates like
mouldy popcorn <added by JuLez>
Breasts - Hooters, Pets, Tits, Goodies, Gems, Boobies, Norgs, Jugs, Milk Buds
Bottom - Arse, Ass, Hiney, Sphincter Muscles, Shithole, Anus, Puckered Brown
Hole
If anyone has a hard-on after reading this article please yell "I've got a
throbbing peter" at the top of their voice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How Rude! By BaRoN
After reading one of "adelaides underground zines" I decided to call a bbs,
after all it said in the zine " I'd highly recommend giving it a call if you
can get your hands on the number, as it is the only bbs in SA that's devoted
entirely to hacking and phreaking, and unquestionably the best HPCV bbs in 0z."
So I did just that, I got my hands on the number and gave it a call. I logged
on as a new user (no worries there) and then I was greeted with a questionaire
<interesting questions ??> I thought this was a bbs not a bloody quiz show.
After doing that I was greeted by a screen "system password" hmm I thought so I
tried a few things none of which worked. After a few attempts it read
"incorrect password" and then let me on to the bbs. I scanned the new files
<all old though> and as soon as I had finished looking and was on the main menu
the sysop broke in for a friendly chat. He seemed a little bit pissed off that
I didn't know the system password, anyway after a brief chat about that he
moved onto "where did you get this number???" me not being one to give out my
sources didn't tell him and then he called me a "lamer" but shit I thought I
can walk just fine :). He then asked me if I had anything to say before he
kicked me off. I called him a computer geek hung up <although I'm not sure
which one of us got to it first>.
So there you have it. Don't believe everything you read and by the way I told
him what he wrote and he said that he didn't care. So in other words he is full
of shit and if you're reading this then you should go and shove your HAM radio
up your arse if you haven't already. Bloody liar... .not very friendly chap
either ...
Well till next time cya
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Human Implant Chip By DaN aBNoRMaL
As promised in an earlier issue of MLiR we know have finished our beta testing
of the HIC (Human Implant Chip) and it's finally ready for release to the
public. You may be all a bit worried about the HIC, well let me assure you that
there is no problem with the HIC, it can't damage your health, the only thing
it does is increase your bodily functions by up to 450%! Here are some amazing
stats on the HIC ...
1) Increased Memory, now you can remember everything you hear!
2) Increased Erections, porno star John Bobbit has tried the HIC and said that
it helped him have an erection lasting over 20 hours, and he came 24 times in
that 20 hour period!
3) Faster reading skill, need to finish a 500 page book for English tonight?
well worry no more, because the HIC can allow you to read 500 page books in
under 20 minutes!
This Is How We Do It
--------------------
Now I spose you're wondering how we at MLiR scientific research have done this
great feat? well its simple we just attach our HIC chip to a certain electrode
on your brain. We will not give the plans for the chip away as we don't want
the technology getting into the wrong hands (i.e. Satan). Anyway we then simply
activate the chip from our home made operating system <there's no way we'd put
someone's brain under the control of windows 95>. There are some jpegs included
to help you understand just how we do it.
The HIC Detector
----------------
We have also included a HIC detector in the archive so that you can detect if
you already have a HIC. Now you're saying "But I thought you haven't released
it yet" well actually thats true, its just that before we could finish the
design of the HIC, Phorte stole the plans and starting manufacturing his own
chips. They work basically the same as our chip, except that he programmed into
them an algorythm that makes your hea d explode if you don't have a song by
Phorte on your hard drive. So that's where our detector comes in. When you load
it up it will quickly scan your brainwaves that you are giving off, and the
inbuilt doctor will recommend a course of action for you to take. The saying
"Prevention is the best cure" works well here, so get the HIC Detector running
and get some Phorte songs on your hard drive. Phorte has been known to hire
hitmen to kidnap people so he can do his evil experiments on them.
Where Can I Get The HIC
-----------------------
The HIC can be purchased from all Dick Smith, Tandy and Club X stores.
Or you can purchase one directly from :
MLiR Research Labs
PO BOX 34424837292
Campbelltown, SA 5076
Any queries concerning the HIC can be directed to DaN aBNoRMaL on the great bbs
Static Discharge - +618 83818454.
Credits
-------
Designer - DaN aBNoRMaL
Testers - JEz, BaRoN, GRiFFiN, Phiber Optik
Manufacturers - Telstra, AT&T, Optus and Dick Smith
Evil Scientist Traitor Guy - Phorte
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kid Called Jonas #5 By DaN aBNoRMaL
In the last instalment of Jonas, we left you with the vision of Jonas sitting
at his computer, about to choose his next option at the main menu...
...
Jonas pressed the "F" key to go to the file areas. When he arrived there, he
was greeted with a list of the different file areas that he could go to.
1 - Hacking
2 - Phreaking
3 - Cracks
4 - Warez
5 - Virus Texts & Utils
6 - HAM Radio
7 - Naked Chicks
His first reaction was to go to option 7, but Jonas thought to himself "If
I can phreak, then I'll be 31337 enough to get pussy without trying." So he
went for option 2. He then listed the files in the phreaking area and it
displayed about 200 or so files on phreaking. But Jonas only had 400K download
and there was at least 2.5 meg of files in the area. What was he to do? He
didn't have enough guts to use fake usernames again and again so he could get
them all. There was only one thing he could do - what he did best - suck up to
the sysop.
Jonas pressed the "p" key for paging the sysop. After a short wait, chat
was initiated and the fun began.
"w#47 j00 w4n7?" said the obviously elite sysop.
"I ..." Jonas paused, he backspaced.
"3y3 w0u1d 1!|<3 83773r 4cc3$" said Jonas, now talking in his native
language.
"w0w! u r truly 31337 parallelogram." said the impressed sysop. And with
that he gave Jonas 3meg per day and 100 mins.
Jonas then proceeded to download every phreaking file there was, and then
for the next month read every single text file and praticed some of the methods
described in the text file. He soon became a phreaker and his name was starting
to get well known around the area. This also meant that he was starting to get
a *bit* paranoid <i.e. he won't go outside without wearing sunglasses and
running>. He decided to change his handle, he now thought that it was "lame",
actually he thought everything was lame. Apart from him, his files and the bbs
of his choice.
Jonas rang up the bbs with the elite sysop once again, and then asked him
what he should change his alias to.
"3y3 7#!n|< !7 $#0u1d 83 $0m37#!ng 31337" said the elite sysop.
NO CARRIER
Jonas was sick of this elite sysop, he wanted to be the elitist in town,
not some old guy. Well this is it, thought Jonas as he looked in the dictionary
and picked out another word...
"HeXaGoN" said Jonas. "yessss!!!, now everyone will phear me, next I shall
start up a bbs - H/P/C/V no "A" because I'm too much of a mama's boy to do
that. And besides, my father is impotent said Jonas. He cried.
Over the space of 6 months Jonas began to setup his bbs and make it truly
elite. It was promising, he began to work out the user levels and because his
mum was always bothering him to get a job and make some money. He decided to
have people pay for the service of the bbs.
"But information is meant to be free, HeXaGoN." said one other user.
"Yeah but who listens to the stupid hackers ethic anyway, I'm a PHREAKER
remember?" said Jonas who was now obviously getting a bit of an ego.
After almost a year of setting up, his 100% HPCV bbs was ready for the err
elite public. The name of his bbs was "uNDerPaNtS".
He at first started off with the default ansi's, but they soon got boring
and Jonas was looking for some half/decent menusets. Then he came across
something called an "ANSI Pack". He contacted one of the artists featured and
sucked up to them and bam! he had menusets.
Then one day when a new user was answering the infoform ...
Where did you get this number : From the phone book
Are you part of any government department : Yes, FBI
Jonas was scared, he didn't know what to do. But he initiated chat and
decided to get to the bottom of this.
"Hello Jonas, we've been missing you for quite a while now" typed the man.
There was a knock at the door. Jonas was really scared. Jonas wet his pants.
Twice. He began to run but was stopped by 6 federal agents knocking down his
door and pointing mean looking guns at his face.
"I think you better come with us Jonas." said a voice from behind the men.
The man stepped forward to reveal himself as one of the doctors from the army
base.
To Be Continued ...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fun On Public BBS'S By DaN aBNoRMaL
The other night I was over a friends house and we decided to call some BBS
called "Shadow BBS" i've never heard of it before but I thought what the
heck, it could be fun, so we dialed. It soon got boring, but I then thought of
an idea; find the person with the funniest name or a famous name and have some
fun. So we looked at the user list and found Pete Smith :) heheh same name as
the guy who does the voice-overs for Sale Of The Century and Martin/Molloy.
Yeah anyway, here's what I wrote ...
From : DaN aBNoRMaL
To : Pete Smith
Verifying user ...
Subject: ssaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllleeeeeeeeeee
Change anything (y/N)? No
Private (y/N)? Yes
Upload a prepared message (y/N)? No
�����������������������������������������������������������������������������Ŀ
� TO: Pete Smith FROM: DaN aBNoRMaL �
� SUBJECT: Saaaaaaaalllllllleeeeeeeee TL: 8 INS �
��[#��532]�������������������������������������������������������������[#��1]Ĵ
saaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oooooooooffffffff the
ceeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnttttttttuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy!!!!
heard u on martin molloy before
h0h0h0h0h
31337
mlir
hi mr copperart
Owell, its not that funny but doesn't matter :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Irc Scripts By DaN aBNoRMaL
Just a quickie from when I went on irc the other night. This is a great example
of how irc has just been invaded lately by a bunch of idiots. They all have
these crappy scripts that have those bad, bad auto-greet texts.
Session Start: Fri Sep 20 20:40:58 1996