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                                productions


#088 - [ How To Tell Your Kids Santa Claus Doesn't Really Exist ]
       [ xod ]


The International Conspiracy of Santa Claus once again comes into the final
straight of its ploy to keep kids well behaved.

Thats essentially all it is.  A Method of control for parents to administer
on their kids.  Using threats and warnings such as:

"You'd better behave or santa claus won't bring you any presents!"

"Stop that or i'll tell santa not to visit this year"

"Don't lie to me.. Santa knows you're lying and he won't bring you presents"

Any one of the above, and a whole host more will promptly get a kid to shut up
with a slight sulk, but not daring to question you for fear of being left out
on santa's christmas present run.

However, there comes a time in every kids life where they find out the truth
about santa.  This is the day that parents dread.  No more control over their
kids behaviour in the months from the end of summer up until christmas day.
From this time foward new techniques for behaviour control need to be applied
by the parents.

Naturally, no parent wants to actually tell their kid the truth about santa.
It minimises their behaviourial control and also makes them look like a
liar when they turn round and tell them the opposite to what they've been
telling them their whole short life.

From the kids perspective, it's an issue of trust and faith in what their
parents say.  So its clear to see that if you tell them santa doesn't exist
after telling them he does they are going to be extremely mystified, confused
and may display a lack of faith towards you.

So. How can this be dealt with?

Below are 3 possible solutions to cover up or recorrect the parental lies.


1 ]-- #### The Never Mention Santa Claus Method ####
          **************************************

The easiest way would be to never mention santa claus.  But in our society
that's a pretty hard thing to do.  Santa Claus has basically saturated the
market during the winter months.  Pictures, Merchandise, Fat guys in red
costumes and fake beards round every corner, there is no escape.

The only realistic way of hiding your kids easily influenced eyes from santa
is by locking them away from the world for their whole childhood.  However 
i'm sure the government, child welfare agencies and child cruelty charties 
would show extreme objection to this if they found out.

NOTE: THE EASIEST WAY ISN'T NECESSARILY THE BEST.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
      
2 ]-- #### The Tact or Break their Heart Method ####
          **************************************

Kids know to listen out for santa.  If they hear bells, they know rudolph
and the rest are on their roof and santa will be coming down the chimney.
You could always encourage your kids to go downstairs and say hello to santa.

To not dissapoint them too much, your spose could be downstairs dressed in a
santa's outfit.  Once the kids come into the room and shout 'SANTA!@' you
could say 'h0h0h0!' quickly followed by your beard falling off of your face
and in turn exposing the true face of santa!

However, this method is likely to cause a look of a broken heart on your kids
face promptly followed by them storming upstairs followed by an 10 year period
of angst and unforgiveness until they leave home never to speak to you again.

NOTE: TACT IS NEEDED IN THIS METHOD.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

3 ]-- #### The Playground Method ####
          ***********************

The best way to do it would be to use a technique known as the 'playground
method'.

The playground method basically consists of the kid being told by an older or
more clued-up kid in the playground that santa doesn't really exist and is
simply made up to fool kids or to inject more fun into christmas.

Your kid will then come home telling you how he knows santa claus doesn't
really exist because 'this big kid told me...blahblahblah'.  Your kid might
look at you kinda dumbfounded and disillusioned with your lies.  However, you
can easily remedy this with yet another lie.  Something similar to:

"kids are told santa claus is real because santa claus is fun and kids like
 him.  However (NOTE - this is the KEY part!) now that you're a big boy/girl
 (*delete as appropriate) you don't have to believe or be told about santa
 anymore"

This is a great comeback/explaination.  It'll make your kid feel more mature
and that you are talking to them on a more 'adult' level.  They'll like that
and your relationship should be stronger than before.

As well as that they might feel a closer bond to friends because of them all
being involved in the santa claus conspiracy and all finding out the truth at
similar times in their life.

Overall, a classic and thouroughly recommended method.

NOTE: THE BEST KNOWN AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY APPROVED METHOD.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

So, there you have it.  Three possible methods to apply to your kids.
Whichever method you chose is up to you.

hohoho.  Merry Christmas.


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