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T-File_7______February_2_2005
The Capacitor Trick
By The HATS Crew
DLo was a black metal punk, an anarchist, and most importantly a
Dominican. He was proud of his latino heritage, and rebellious light
brown locks. He wore a Guess leather jacket and a slightly different
plaid shirt every day.
One day, while sticking it to the man with a Monty Python
t-shirt, he opened up a birthday card from his aunt that arrived earlier
that day in the mail. Inside the envelope that had been raped and
abused and forced through the beurocracy of the pony express, was a Best
Buy gift certificate.
"Oh no," he thought, "how the fuck am I going to remain a true
anarchist if I conform to the man by purchasing a fascist product from
the even more fascist store known as Best Buy?"
Finally a plan came to him after moments of not having a plan.
Later that week he was in Best Buy. He pulled a Type O Negative
album off the shelf, their fake live one, and proceeded to the cash
register. The clerk rang him up, and as he was about to hand over the
card and his soul, he rethought his decision.
"No," he said to the offensively caucasian voice in his head,
then ran to the back of the store and picked up a TV. He brought it to
the front and completed the transaction.
He went outside and ripped opened the nearest lamp post, and
spliced the wires with the power cord on the boob tube. Minutes later,
he ripped opened the monitor, and carried it into the store and
discharged the giant capacitor on the Nazi clerk, who had a fascist
pacemaker, and was killed instantly.
DLo then picked up the Type O Negative album, still sitting on
the counter and walked out.
It was cool, and now thats the capacitor trick.