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Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume V, Issue 15, AD MM
Thursday, December 28, 2000
ISSN 1482-0471
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"You should write a book, "Networking for People Who Have No
Business Knowing Anything About It In The First Place", then you can
start a series, like the Dummies or Complete Idiots guides, except
it'l be the series for People Who Have No Business Knowing Anything
About It In The First Place"
-- marXidad
-------------------------------------------
When a female coworker looks at you, narrows her eyes, and says,
"Eat shit," it doesn't mean, "I am trying to conceal the deep,
relentless longing I have for you, but which I am afraid to
acknowledge - even to myself.
It just means, "Eat shit."
http://www.mcarp.net/eat/essay_eat.html
-------------------------------------------
1. Editorial
2. Rants from the waiting room
3. CoN Goes to the Movies
4. Noodles
5. The war on drugs
-------------------------------------------
This week's Golden Testicle award:
http://www.fetusx.com/
http://www.divine-interventions.com/buddha.html
What I really wanted from Santa
-------------------------------------------
1. Editorial
Welcome to the last issue of CoN prior the end of this millennia and
the start of the next (I am already envisioning the flood of e-mails
that will be arriving shortly after I send this issue proving me
wrong).
We're about to mark Volume VI, and we wouldn't be here without the
help of our readership that seems to have fallen in a state of
paralysis. I'd like to thank all of those that haven't subscribed
but simply set up a filter in their mail program to redirect all CoN
to trash.
Yes, a lot of people have been complaining about our webpage. It
will be up, soon, I promise. I know I've been promising for oh, a
year now, but really. Our awesome master of programming Gard
(http://gard.scriba.org) is working on the dynamic code as we speak
and our Webmaster Colin is eager to get it up and running, while I
sit there and whine like a little girl.
Oh and if you're interested, we have IRC servers running. You can
find us on channel #scriba (usually never saying a word unless it's
like 4 in the morning and we've had one pint too many). There are
three servers you can pick from: irc.scriba.org, irc.capnasty.org
and egress.capnasty.org.
Ellen Kokoris wrote to us:
> OK, I give. Unsubscribe me.
Easy. If you scroll to the bottom of the issue, you'll see simple
and clear instructions on how to do it. You may notice that we did
it in such a way so that ignoramus like you don't have to check in
the dictionary how to write `unsubscribe', since anyone under the
sun should be capable of writing `leave'. At least, I like to think
that humanity is that capable.
> *The goat cartoon is stupid.
See, this gets to me. What did you expect? It's CoN we're talking
about. Not Time magazine. Or even National Geographic. Is someone
putting a gun to your head and forcing you to read the issues? If
so, would that person please stop, since it is apparent here that
we're causing much distress to the incredibly high IQ of a reader
with our silly drivel.
> *Story number 2 is stupid...can you say "Darwin
> Awards" or is the author such a dweeb as to have never
> heard of them? Or more likely, he stole the idea and
> thinks everyone is too stupid to notice which would be
> a direct insult to you. (He never credits the D.A.)
> I've had to endure hearing the same DA stories
> throughout Dec and Jan for several years now, through
> email chainletters, radio, and TV. It's not like an
> Internet secret. Geez.
I'll let the author of the story respond himself. His reply
follows.
> Besides the fact that youchose to print it.
You're right. I should always consider the presence of future
Darwin winners reading the issues of CoN and provide quality
material their low IQ can allow them to enjoy. How's your lobotomy
scar healing?
> See Ya-
> (and don't print this letter)
And I didn't, cuz I respect your requests. Instead I posted my
reply.
Graham Huber writes a response to Ellen Kokoris:
Ah, Ellen, Ellen. We would never print your letter, especially if
you asked us not to. However, we are not above mass emailing said
letter and a ridiculing response to thousands of CoN subscribers.
Sadly I have in fact heard of the Darwin Awards. I've read a few
myself. But had I not, it might actually serve as proof that I have
better things to do with my time than sit around masturbating to
email forwards. Sounds like you need a hobby, Ellen.
Ellen is upset because I didn't credit the Darwin Awards for my
piece. Uh, for what? Because two kids managed to get themselves
killed stupidly and I want to laugh at them? Apparently, the event
of 'stupid death' is now and forever a registered trademark and (c)
2000 Darwin Award, Inc. Well, damn, in that case we'd better call up
CNN and tell them to stop airing all that Election crap already,
since NBC *clearly* got there first. Shit, we should start mailing
these cheques out to David Letterman for every Top Ten list of
ANYTHING that's been produced in the last, um, decade.
You see, Ellen claims she's heard the same fictional DA stories
floating around for years. That's peachy. But the thing with the
kids really did happen, and only about a month ago. Obviously our
friend Ellen, so well versed in the latest email forwards, needs to
make a point of reading a newspaper once in a while.
Case in point:
> I've had to endure hearing the same DA stories
> throughout Dec and Jan for several years now
Man, you REALLY need to get out more. Might I suggest a ride in a
John Deere?
-------------------------------------------
2. Rants from the waiting room.
By IMPROV
With my recent bout of bronchitis out of the way, I thought I'd
share with you some of my feelings I have about the medical
profession... more specifically, the General Practitioner or Family
Doctor.
This is a man (or woman) who has worked hard all their life to get
where they are... I can't even imagine what it would be like
spending so much time in school... the dedication is
incredible...but not so incredible that I will ignore the many, many
annoying things that occur while at the doctor's office.
Take for instance the appointment time... you're guaranteed that if
your appointment is for 1:45pm, there is no way you're going to see
anyone until oooooooooh, I dunno Christmas! There is no other
profession on this Earth that can so regularly be late. If I make
an appointment with my lawyer (if I had a lawyer) for 1:45, he's
gonna be there by 1:35... and if he's not, he explains why. Just
once I'd like the doctor to say to me as he strolls into that little
exam room at like 3:30, "Sorry Bob, you wouldn't believe the traffic
in the hallway... this really obese patient of mine fell over and I
was stuck behind him for almost an hour!"
But to even get into that room is like trying to get into a busy
club...the receptionist behind that sliding glass is like a bouncer
at Club 54. I even tried to slip her a twenty and she looked at me
like I was offering her a nickel... it was like, "Ahh... sorry sir,
you'll have to sit over there!"
So there I am in the waiting room... looking around at all the other
sick people wondering what I am catching just sitting next to them.
I won't even get started on the magazine bit... but let me just say
this, you're a doctor... get some subscriptions!! Stop depending on
old Mrs. Young, who tries to cross out her address from the front
page to bring in magazines..." yeah like I'm gonna come to your
house lady and beat you senseless because you subscribe to
Chatelaine, good idea that crossing out where you live thing!"
So 1:45 comes and goes... of course there's the baby crying...the
kid pukking... the old person whose hacking so much you're convinced
they're gonna kick off right there... and then there's you. Reading
about the latest spring fashions for women, even though it's
November and you're a guy... then you flip through a great interview
with American Presidential Candidate: Bob Dole! Finally you settle
on a ratty copy of Green Eggs and Ham... much to the chagrin of the
kid who has finally stopped pukking.
Every time that window slides over or door opens up you perk your
ears up like a dog that just heard the can opener... hoping that
it'll be your name the receptionist will mispronounce. Finally at
2:30 you are allowed in...but that's not the end of the waiting...
oh no. There's so much more in store.
Depending on why you're there... a full check up or you have a...
will depend on what happens next. If it's the later then you just
go in and sit down. If it's the former, then most often you strip
and put on the over sized blue bib. Lucky for me my check up isn't
for a little while (look for part two of this portion of the rant
after that visit).
So now you're in this little room...with nothing to do. Now you
don't even have the crappy magazines to look at. Just you, the
doctor's chair and a wax paper covered bed. There is that counter
with all the shiny things on it, but ever since you were a kid, you
were told to not even look there. So there you are...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... what to do????... what to do????... what to
do????
After testing your own eyes three or four times each, which we all
do and is totally ridiculous...I don't know about you but when I
test them I have perfect vision.... but after that, you start to get
antsy... it's now like 3:10 and the only thing you know about your
heath for sure is that you've now got whatever that pukking kid has
and your eyesight is perfect.
Bored out of your skull you give into temptation... you start to
look at the shiny things on the counter... not touching, just
checking them out, when you notice there are cupboards above the
counter... you look to the left, then the right, "one little peak...
I mean what the hell I go through all my friends medicine cabinets!"
It's a scroungers dream! Boxes of rubber gloves? I could use a few
of those. Tongue depressors? There's gotta be something I could
use these for. And there's tons of this stuff!! And they say the
heath care industry is under funded...tell that to my doctor, he's
hoarding!
Just as you're pocketing some cotton swabs... the doctor FINALLY
walks in!!! Bastard.
---
You can send IMPROV get well e-mails to this address. We'll print
them and deliver them to him next time we empty his drool bucket.
-------------------------------------------
3. CoN Goes to the Movies
with Jeff Wright
Howdy do, y'all? I'm just gonna run down a list of movies
that I've seen recently that I think you should see.
ROSEMARY'S BABY
This is labeled as a HORROR/THRILLER in most video stores, but I
think it would sit just as well in the COMEDY section ("I didn't
want to miss baby night"). It took me a while to get around to
watching it, but it was a completely enjoyable, and fantasticaly
well made film that everyone should see. A near perfect film if you
ask me. I rented 3 other Polanski films tonight.
FUDOH: THE NEW GENERATION
This is a crazy little fuck of a movie, from Japan. It's about
Fudoh, the son of a Japanese crime boss, who as a child, witnesses
his brother's beheading. If that's not bad enough, it was his
father who did the slicing (with a samurai sword no less). Once the
credits roll, Fudoh, is grown up, and in high school. He's now also
involved in crime, and has his own gang. His gang consists of gun
wielding children, a couple of his female friends from school (one
of them is a sailor suit wearing stripper, who shoots a mean
blowdart gun with her "you know what"), and eventually a huge
motherfucker that you you certainly wouldn't want to mess with. So
Fudoh's got his gang, and he's finally got enough power to take on
his father, for the revenge of his brother's killing. It's a crazy
good time, that isn't perfect, but is super-fun.
GIMME SHELTER
A great DOCUMENTARY/CONCERT FILM on the concert at the Altamonte
Speedway in San Fransico back in the '60s, where 4 people were
killed, and many more were injured. The Rolling Stones are the main
musical focus of the film, and rock the fuck out! If you're a fan
of either The Stones, fine documentary filmmaking, or Hell's Angels,
then you should definitely check it out. Criterion, has just
released a beautifully remastered DVD of the film, with deleted
scenes, commentary, and about an hour of a San Fransico call in
radio show on the concert.
LOVE AND DEATH
A great Woody Allen comedy, set around the time Napoleon was
invading everyone. It stars Woody, and Diane Keaton in what I
believe was their first film together.
Diane Keaton: I guess you could say I'm half saint, half whore.
Woody Allen: Lets just hope I get the half that eats.
If you like Allen, you should like this. Rent it.
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
This is the old, black and white, and French version I'm talking
about. There's nothing wrong with the Disney version, but this
version is just a beautiful film that everyone should see. I almost
wish it weren't in French, because it would be a wonderful film to
show little kids as an introduction to cinema.
CHARLIE'S ANGELS
What can I say? This movie is fun, fun, fun. Lots of really good
action, good looking women, and some badass badguys. That's all I
need from a movie. It paid off in spades. Before you go, know that
it is a no-brainer. Every negative review I've read, complains
about how stupid it is. Oh well. There was more than enough eye-
candy to make up for it.
That's all for this issue. Come back next week, for another
bombastic installment!!!
---
Jeff currently hates musicians, but can't hate Aimee Mann. I'M WITH
STUPID has been in his CD player, for a long, long time now. Why
isn't it in yours?
-------------------------------------------
4. Noodles
By Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro
There are three things that quickly identify you as a bachelor.
First, the immense pile of dirty clothes that quickly piles up in
the laundry bin. You could literally practice climbing on it, all
in the comfort of your own lavatory. The problem is you don't
notice it until one day it collapses and you can't go through the
bathroom door anymore. If not that, when you open the drawer where
you keep your socks, and there are none. It's almost time for you
to get out of your house to go catch the bus, and you're
contemplating between going bare-feet or wearing some weird white
socks with a strange design that really don't fit with black shoes
and black pants at all.
Second, it's your sink. Or rather, where your sink used to be. By
now there are about six billion dishes stacked carefully, held
together with forks, knives, wooden spoons and several pots. The
sink is full of this brownish water that sort of resembles a
lukewarm chicken soup. And again, you only realise your sink is
full, because there are no more plates in the cupboard. Or because
all your pots are somewhere... in there. It's also one of those
moments where you stop and contemplate that indeed you do have more
dishes than you could humanly possibly use.
Lastly, the fridge. When you live by yourself, nothing seems to
last as long as it did when you lived back at home. I'm not sure
how that works exactly, but I think I could easily blame it on the
fact that I tend to put things in the fridge that once looked crisp
and eatable, and I forget them in there.
This of course causes me to arrive home, starving, opening the
fridge and sometimes trying to figure out what to make for dinner.
I must say, what I find in there is quite astonishing and if I was
more scientifically inclined, admirable. I say admirable because I
think it's impressive that mold is able to grab on that chunk of
what once was cheese and turn that once juicy piece of orange
cheddar into something that resembles fur at such low temperatures.
Fortunately, I have caught these evolutionary processes in time
before they figure out how to get out of the fridge by themselves.
There are other things, which have been sitting quietly in
containers, and still look good (those that have a transparent
cover, that is) but for some reason I wouldn't dare eat them.
Mostly because I can't tell what's in them and they have been in
there longer than I care to remember. I'm not sure why I don't get
rid of them. Maybe it's that part about wasting food. Either way,
I should label these containers with crossed bones and a skull, just
so my girlfriend doesn't accidentally eat any of them. It's a
difficult task to find a decent woman these days, and I don't want
to go through the process of finding another one already just
because of improperly labelled containers.
I think that when I'll move, I'll pack the fridge and ship it to the
Centre for Disease Control and see if they can find anything useful
in there.
So the other night after going through my fridge several times (as
if each time I hoped to miraculously spot some edible product in
there), I searched the cupboard and found some old packages of
Sapporo instant noodle -- real Japanese noodles made in the fine
state of California.
This is nothing more than a tiny little package, with some dried
noodles and a little pack of soup base (I have been trying to figure
out what the soup base is made of, but I can't). The scariest part
is reading the ingredients. These noodles have stuff I would
normally expect to find in your regular household cleaner. On top
of that, the noodles have "real simulated shrimp flavour". And I
guess I can understand that since the only thing that's Japanese is
the packaging written in rather decent Engrish.
Which brings me to an interesting point. Anytime I go to the store
and shop, I am amazed by the amount of food that's ready-made and
requires only 1 to 3 minutes to prepare. TV-Dinners, instant
noodles, soups that just require a quick nuke, that is, if you own a
microwave. I, for one, don't. But I can see how it has become as
essential as toilet paper in this world.
Take for example a look at my kitchen. It's not designed with the
concept of someone actually cooking in there. And I think this is a
North-American problem. We want apartments that come with a
beautiful kitchen so we can never make a real meal in it. Anytime I
cook something more impressive than a cup of tea, I find myself
running in all directions to shut off the fire alarms, and opening
windows to reduce the temperature to something below tropical
standards.
The average human being, after an exciting day at work, fulfilling
his 9 to 5 duties, doesn't want to cook. They want to open the
fridge, pick something, which resembles the picture on the box, and
three minutes later, eat it. I must be the only weird one here
since I enjoy cooking and getting a sauna at the same time.
But that night I was starving. I ended up cooking the noodles and
ate them. And they were the best noodles I had ever had in my
entire life. In fact, I ended up eating the other two crumbling
packages I found in the cupboard while watching some artsy-fartsy
French movie about some kid in Russia or something. It was a French
movie. You know the type, that try really hard to be all fancy with
fantastic camera angles, showing things at an angle, or filming
things for long periods of time between two jars on a shelf. I
dunno. I was too happy eating my noodles.
Although, I must say, I have been contemplating about getting a
microwave. That's because I've had, sitting under my sink, a box of
microwave popcorn, since about the day I moved in. I tried making
some popcorn using those packages with a regular pot, which ended up
setting off all my fire alarms and much time spent scraping all the
charcoal bits of kernels stuck at the bottom. After about four
packages, four pots that look like they've carried explosives, to
this day I find a piece of burnt popcorn somewhere and have yet to
eat even a little piece.
It's distressing.
Now if you'll excuse me, I discovered a can with no expiry date that
claims to contain what looks like pre-digested beans and lard.
Maybe I'll eat them directly off the pan, with a wooden spoon, while
surfing the channels for some good spaghetti western movie.
---
Jesus forgives. Mold doesn't.
-------------------------------------------
5. THE WAR ON DRUGS
Graham Huber
"Do you ever notice in this country that when we have a problem with
something, we always have to declare WAR on it? The War on
Illiteracy, the War on AIDS, the War on Homelessness, the War on
Drugs... We don't actually DO anything about it, but we've declared
war on it...."
- George Carlin
"If cocaine is the Drug of War, than marijuana is the Drug of
Peace."
-- Unknown
Drugs are bad. Anyone growing up since the Sixties has had this
message branded across every possible orifice they could think to
stick a needle up. Personally, I think my mother had the message
tattooed across her uterus lining, just so I'd have a little
something to keep me busy for about 9 months. Right, so drugs are
bad. Tell me the story again - but wait, lemmie get you another
Scotch there first. And if you have to smoke that thing, please do
it outside.
In the last few years, the War on Drugs has developed two separate
camps: the War on Drugs and the War on Marijuana. How marijuana got
the dubious honour of getting its very own War declared on it we
shall see in a minute. But first, I really have to question the
intelligence of a society that would ban a substance having yet
prove a single permanent physical effect, yet at the same time, sell
bundles of Valium to depressed wives and insecure actresses to binge
` cry for help' suicide attempts, or maybe supply another 40 oz.er
of Jack Daniels so Buddy Blue-Collar can go smack his wife around
again. Or better yet, a society with a government who thinks its ok
to slap a sticker on a product that basically says, "THIS IS A STICK
OF CANCER THAT WILL MAKE YOUR TEETH ROT, DEFORM YOUR KIDS, AND MAKE
YOUR LUNGS BLEED", and STILL sell it. What happened to the War on
Raving Idiocy?
The sad thing is, when you bother to verse yourself in the facts
before opening your mouth (like THAT has ever happened in American
history), you see that the War on Marijuana is really The Piss Poor
Excuse To Keep Money In Our Pockets.
First, let's look at `hemp', which usually comes from the `cannabis'
plant, where `marijuana' also comes from (the word is Mexican slang
for the leaves of cannabis you smoke to get high). Hemp has long
been known to be the Jack-of-all-trades of the plant world. It can
be used as food (hemp seeds are very easy to digest and used for
patients with stomach problems), as a high-protein, UV resistant
alternative to soy, as a fat-free vegetable oil, as a fiber for
clothes more durable than cotton, as an acid-free, non-yellowing
paper, as alcohol-based fuel for cars, as an alternative to tree
wood, as a new form of plastic and lastly, as medicine.
Suffice to say, hemp is useful.
So if it's so great, then why doesn't the world revolve around hemp
usage? I mentioned raving idiocy before, right? In addition to that
very large factor, hemp usage basically got screwed when all the
other drugs were made illegal.
This started with opium, which Chinese immigrants brought with them
to induce a trance-like state, helping them cope with the long
shifts of manual labour they were forced to do. White Americans got
pissed because these stoned Chinese workers were much better than
they were. So they banned opium.
Ditto cocaine, only this time it is Black Americans. Cocaine usage
among Blacks was blamed for violent crimes, and combined with the
US's usual tasty appetite for racist hatred, the drug got banned.
Now comes marijuana and the Mexicans (are we seeing a pattern here
yet?). Mexican soliders smoked marijauna chronically (see the lyrics
to `La Cucaracha', about a solider who won't march till he gets his
joint). When the Mexicans started moving to the States and the
Depression struck, the Whites bitched again about Mexican labour and
marijuana took the fall.
Next comes the Great Depression, during which Prohibition is
instated. Idiocy strikes again, and because of the increased mob
crime during this period, more cops are hired. Of course, once
Prohibition ended, you had a lot of unemployed cops around. In an
attempt to convince everyone they were still needed, these cops
spent their time scaring people about drug use.
What this all means is that in 1937, the Marijuana Tax Act was
passed, banning the possession of marijuana. You can't grow hemp
(the cannabis plant) without growing marijuana too (the leaves). It
gets worse. Because hemp was such a great alternative to seemingly
everything, it made a lot of enemies in the paper, cloth, and
plastic companies. Billions of dollars for these companies depended
on hemp not becoming popular, so when the political climate of the
1930's was all about being anti-drug, these companies pushed to get
hemp made illegal.
Seventy years later, people are still dumb enough to accept a bill
passed in a time of racism and greedy corporate interest. The
American Way.
What bothers me about all this is that today, simply holding a
little green leaf gets you four years, yet at the same time, it's
perfectly legal for me to raid the liquor cabinet, drink down a
fifth of Absolut, which destroys brain cells and my liver
simultaneously, while being violently ill and irritable to the point
that I beat down the neighbourhood kids, puke all over the sidewalk,
then pass out in the middle of the road, waking up three hours with
a pounding headache from dehydration and no idea where my pants are.
"All others considered, THC is the safest pharmaceutical drug in
existence."
Let's talk about over the counter drugs like Valium. I can't sleep
so I take a pill and sleep... but then the pill's effectiveness
wears off and I can't sleep again, so I take more pills... then the
effectiveness wears off again and I can't sleep so I take even more
pills... finally, I die of overdoes. Who didn't see that coming?
Despite the fact that the very USE of these drugs leads you hand-in-
hand to overdose doesn't prevent it from being the #2 drug sold in
America (a little blue pill is #1, popular with the old folks... you
figure that one out).
Those against marijuana use claim that `smoking one joint is equal
to 10 cigarettes'. False. The only reason the actual smoke is more
damaging is because generally users smoke marijuana in self-rolled
paper joints without filters or any other kind of health standard.
But cigerrettes contain nicotine, tar, arsenic, and thousands of
other chemicals which HAVE been proven to cause cancer. Not a single
chemical in marijuana has been proven to cause cancer. Also, take in
to account your typical user doesn't smoke a carton of joints
everyday, unlike the chain-smoking latte junkie artiste that never
seems to leave Starbucks.
And speaking of lattes, let's talk about coffee now. Caffeine is a
legal drug millions of people consume gallons of each month. So you
like your heart-rate, blood pressure and reflexes being strung out?
Maybe the luxury of having to pee every sixteen minutes? How many of
you `just can't get going in the morning' without your coffee?
Here's the kicker, kiddies: marijuana has NO lasting physical side-
effects. The only effects you experience are those from BREATHING
SMOKE, which you wouldn't have to do if a better, safer, healthier
alternative were available. But bongs are illegal too. You get an
extra fine for being caught toking up while being health conscious.
In fact, all of marijuana's "problems" are a direct cause of it
being illegal. It's the same stupid effects as Prohibition in the
1930's. People are going to do it whether it is illegal or not, and
whether its SAFE or not. Hundreds of people flat out DIED during
Prohibition because of a certain type of alcohol poisoning brought
on by bacteria in unsterilized keg barrels. This doesn't happen
today simply because making it LEGAL means there are laws governing
the quality of the substance.
Would you like to buy pot from some backalley crackhead drug dealer
toked up on acid who's probably laced your stuff with coke, crystal
meth, cat urine and god knows what else just to keep you coming back
for more? Or would you rather walk into a government sanctioned
`MCBO', and pick up an once of cleanly cut, FDA-approved,
commercially packaged and sterilized marijuana to take to your party
and enjoy using a well-manufactured, safe and healthy alternative to
smoking in the same way that thousands of people already do with
alcohol?
What about your kids? Do you want them sneaking off the schoolyard
with some gangsta wannabe to `score some dope, yo'? Or would you
rather be able to explain to your kids that marijuana is something
that they should respect and use responsibly, like alcohol? How many
kids do you know that phone up their parents Saturday night and say,
"Mom, I'm not driving home tonight because I'm stoned out of my
head." On the other side, how many parents tell their kids, "Now if
you are going to be toking up, I want you to take a cab home." Or
how about a "Don't Drink and Toke" poster? The awareness is simply
NOT there, because the marijuana is illegal and thus must be hidden,
and so as a result, kids get killed in car accidents while driving
high. Wow, good thing the War on Drugs is saving the lives of our
youth.
The problem with marijuana is for years it has been labeled `evil'
by the anti-drug pressure and pointless War on Drugs mentality. Tell
me, do you drink to escape your reality? Do you drink to purposely
run over small children in your car and beat your wife? No, you
drink for FUN. For recreation. For a good time. There's a reason why
there's over 400 drinks you can order at any given bar. Alcohol
isn't popular because it tastes good (anyone that tells you they
drink straight vodka for the taste is probably the same guy that
drinks gas so he can light his pee on fire). Yet we've got a holiday
affectionately referred to as May Two Four.
The very minor percentage of people that abuse marijuana (which is
not even physically addictive) do so for reasons other than the drug
itself: family life, emotional problems, depression, etc. `Marijuana
leads to harder drug use.' That's crap. Does coffee lead to
alcoholism? It's a chicken-or-the-egg problem: does marijuana lead
to harder drug use or the tendency to abuse drugs lead to marijuana
abuse?
Alcohol is popular because it is fun. Ditto marijuana. The vast
majority of people that use marijuana are simply having fun... the
only difference being marijuana doesn't destroy brain cells, you
don't need to do a lot of it to feel the effect, it's a hell of a
lot cheaper, it doesn't destroy your liver, it is not physically
addictive, it doesn't dehydrate you, you don't puke or get sick,
food tastes better than it ever has before, and best of all, there's
no hangover. Uh, definitely sounds like something only crackheads
would like.
So although I'm much too passive to ever become an activist of any
sort, I can still find the energy to raise my two favourite fingers
in a salute to anyone ignorant enough to buy into the lies and
misrepresentations the so-called `War on Marijuana' without reading
the facts themselves.
---
Graham does not support or condone the use of drugs, nor has he ever
experienced the effects of any in the sort, be it alcohol,
marijuana,
caffeine --- ah, who am I kidding?
Aforementioned facts are here:
http://www-unix.oit.umass.edu/~verdant/Marijuana_FAQ/Index.html
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