💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › ANGSTMONSTER › … captured on 2022-01-08 at 14:56:23.
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! a n g s t m o n s t e r ! r e t s n o m t s g n a !
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ANGSTMONSTER SPECIAL RELEASE #3
Writing Your Very First Tfile
______ "Hi, I'm a sp00ky gh0st angstmonster! (but you probably already knew
/ \ that.) And today, I am here to help you figure out what to write
| x x | about when you decide to start making your own tfiles! A time honored
| | tradition that started in the days of the BBS. (For more on the topic
| O | of BBS/tfile history, consult http://www.textfiles.com) So without
\/\/\/\/ making you wait any longer, some tips on making tfiles."
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!0ne: Tfiles do not require topics :en0!
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______ "That's right, when writing a tfile, it doesn't have to have a topic.
/ \ Even though most tfiles have a topic or name, they usually have
| x x | very little to do with the topic. Sometimes if it's an instructional
| | tfile the case will be different. But you can never be sure. While
| O | writing your own tfiles, don't let a lack of topic stop you!! Plenty
\/\/\/\/ of tfiles are pure nonsense. (much like this one!)"
______ "Sometimes writers of tfiles will come up with topics before they have
/ \ anything to say. (Don't ask me why it happens, but it seems to be
| x x | that way. Usually it'll be because they want to write something and
| | think of a cool title but have nothing to say. That's when the stuff
| 0 | just starts spewing out of their fingers and it ends up in ASCII."
\/\/\/\/
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!tw0: Find someone to write for :0wt!
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______ "Even though it's really cool to start your own tfile group. (See the
/ \ tfile from BLaH entitled "The Basics of Tfile Groups" for more info)
| x x | But there are plenty of people out there already who already do the
| | hard part in releasing tfiles and they are always looking for some
| O | one to write for them. Don't be afraid to send these people your
\/\/\/\/ tfiles!"
______ "The way it works is that most people who start up neat little tfile
/ \ groups will kick and scream a lot until all their friends decide to
| x x | write a few tfiles. But in rare instances, these people don't have
| | any friends and need people like you to write for them! So stop
| 0 | dicking around and write a tfile!"
\/\/\/\/
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!thr33: When in doubt, make it funny :33rht!
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______ "Sometimes tfiles can be really serious and really emotional and sound
/ \ like there's some really cool truth in whatever the person is saying.
| x x | But when you don't feel like that, go ahead and write about something
| | funny. If you know some dirty jokes, tell them or make up a new urban
| 0 | legend. Humor is one of our most neat gifts we have been given so why
\/\/\/\/ not use it while you still think you're funny?"
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!f0ur: Write it all in one sitting :ru0f!
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______ "A lot of tfiles have the feel of something that was written quickly
/ \ without hesitation and until the author was done with what he had to
| x x | say. This is the best method to writing tfiles. It's an immediate
| | deadline and a way to compact all of what you are saying into one txt
| 0 | file. Of course, it also gages what you had to say. Don't ramble on
\/\/\/\/ because it's not long enough. Ramble on cause it's hecka fun!"
______ "It's ok if you take 'long pauses*' during the one sitting because
/ \ there is always something more interesting than writing a tfile to be
| x x | done (the stuff distracting you may not be interesting, but at least
| | it's keeping you in front of the computer so you can finish the tfile
| 0 | you were writing. Writing it in one sitting also gives that really
\/\/\/\/ cool 'Kerouacian' feel of mad spontaneity in your tfile."
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!fiv3: Finish before you go to bed :3vif!
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______ "Along similar lines with the 'write it all in one sitting' tip. It
/ \ puts a good feeling in your tummy when you fall asleep after writing
| x x | what is probably the most random thing you've ever written. And it
| | doesn't matter how bad you think it is, because you are about to go to
| 0 | sleep and when you sleep you're a viking. (but don't let the simpsons
\/\/\/\/ reference get you down!) Just finish before bed!"
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!s1x: Cookies are cool :x1s!
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______ "I'm not sure what it is about cookies but there just really good. It
/ \ seems like everyone here at angstmonster really likes cookies. And as
| x x | far as our research shows, those who eat cookies write much better.
| | So, when you really hung up on a cool tfile with a kick ass title and
| 0 | no content, eating a cookie may be the only thing you can do to save
\/\/\/\/ yourself (and your tfile) from lacking."
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!s3v3n: Copy someone else :n3v3s!
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______ "There's a whole site dedicated to archiving tfiles! (I've mentioned
/ \ it once already so why not go there and copy someone else's idea.
| x x | When a new tfile group forms, it's usually because someone else saw
| | their tfiles, thought they were cool and then decided to write their
| 0 | own tfiles in hopes that they could be like said original tfile group.
\/\/\/\/ Hell, just copy one of these groups files and change the wording!"
______ "And even if you aren't knowingly copying someone else's tfiles, there
/ \ is probably a tfile that exists already that covers similar topics.
| x x | You can't avoid the fact that someone else has written the same thing.
| | Just make your tfile not suck as much as theirs did. That's all you
| 0 | can do, pray to the gods of tfiles not to suck."
\/\/\/\/
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!All d0ne!
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______ "Now that I've giving you some tips on writing tfiles, go out there
/ \ and write a couple. Just keep in mind that it's not hard as long as
| x x | you spend all of your sleepless nights focusing on tfiles. Tfiles
| | will get you through the night like the comfort of a warm kitty cat
| 0 | and the best chocolate chip cookies you've ever eaten."
\/\/\/\/
______ "But wait? That's it? No suggestions on what to write about? Were
/ \ you hoping that maybe I'd give you an idea of some of the coolest
| x x | tfiles in existence and tell you which ones everyone should read and
| | cool it'd be if more people wrote like that? Well, I didn't. It's
| 0 | not like that. It's not even about releasing tfiles (except that it
\/\/\/\/ gives us something to do and something to read)
______
/ \ "So what's it about? I don't really know yet. I'm just a sp00ky
| x x | gh0st who likes tfiles. And sometimes people act like it's a bad
| | things to like tfiles, to enjoy the fact that a sleepless night is
| 0 | spent on some ascii art and misguided rants. It's not like
\/\/\/\/ masturbation is a better option, especially in a gh0st's case."
______ "But you probably didn't even consider that a gh0st was into tfiles.
/ \ Shame on you! Shame on you indeed! In fact, shame on you for still
| x x | reading this! You should be writing a tfile by now or something
| | because I've just become another one of those late night misguided
| 0 | rants!!! Just remember, wondering around long enough means you'll
\/\/\/\/ find cohesion again."
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!THE END!
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