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' anada "Catnip Abuse--The Facts Are In" 28 jan '
' 271 by Ellen Gorman, aka Funnigerl5 2001 '
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Until just recently there has been a lack of conclusive facts about
catnip and its effects on felines. But in the past five years the use of
catnip among household pets has surged dramatically, and it is clear that we
must make a large-scale effort to understand the implications of catnip and
its effects on users.
Clinical studies of this substance have only recently been
documented. It is a strong-scented plant in the mint family which, when
used by cats, produces a quasi-psychedelic effect which can last up to eight
hours. Cats like to roll around in it, but its effect take hold even when
it is just sniffed or snorted (often called "tooting nip").
House cats can have good and bad "trips" with catnip. Its
pleasurable effects are immediately apparent--the "high" cat seems to
delight in the sensual; you'll find him rolling around on the floor in an
aroused manner and he enjoys his food immensely to the point of rubbing his
nose in it; and he'll dig into his scratching post like there's no tomorrow.
You'll note that the "stoned" cat under the influence will prefer lying
around listening to music over chasing after birds.
But a bad trip can be a harrowing experience. Catnip may produce
paranoid feelings such as visions of being chased by Rotweilers, as well as
causing the user to think he may have lost his whiskers. This usually
results in a major "freak out" which lasts until the terrified pet is
assured that his whiskers are indeed still attached to his face.
These immediate affects of catnip are only part of the picture. The
long-term effects of catnip on felines are just being studied; however,
research thus far has led us to some preliminary conclusions. Long term
users of catnip can expect a shortened attention span, decreased motivation,
memory lapses and a receding hairline (this, for cats, can be a serious
problem). Cats who indulge in this dangerous drug frequently become too
lazy to go out after birds and grow lax in their daily grooming habits.
They take to hanging out with other cats in the neighborhood and often form
vocal groups, to the displeasure of anyone within hearing range.
Consequently shoes and other items are thrown at them, resulting in many
injuries.
Why do cats allow themselves to wallow in the catnip culture? Sure
there are some kicks, some highs. But why would a cat slip into the
self-destructive pattern of doing catnip every day? Following, some cat
owners bitterly related how their felines first became hooked:
"...It was mostly out of boredom. Until he discovered catnip, all he
used to do was stare out the window and catch a few mice." Panna Ogale,
Brooklyn, New York
"...it was the superstar syndrome. After that first commercial,
Morris soon found that no other roles were opening up for him. He felt
betrayed as an actor. He'd had a taste of fame, but he felt it was all
fluff and no substance. Then his agent skipped town and Morris seemed to
drop out of sight. He started to get heavily into �nip' to ease the
pressure of being known as a one-commercial wonder" - J. Edgar Worthington
IIIrd, owner of the late, great "Morris" - Los Angeles, CA
"I think Binky got tired of eating the same kind of cat food every
day. She used catnip as an escape from reality. I tried some but it didn't
do a thing for me--I guess you got to have fur." Prunella Frigstone, New
Haven, CT
"After Tiger had kittens, she got into a funk--you know, the post-
natal depression thing. So I gave her a little catnip to get her out of it.
Then she wanted more and more... soon I had to steal to support her habit."
Mary Donnelly, Brooklyn, New York
"Sebastion was having a difficult time after his operation. He just
couldn't accept being neutered. I started giving him �nip to take his mind
off the operation. Soon he was addicted." Joyce Keller, Long Island, N.Y.
Most owners were ashamed to give their names. But Hilda Hanze owned
up to her part in getting her cat hooked on �nip. "My cat's always been on
the sensitive side. He was first traumatized when we named him Rover, which
traditionally had been a dog's name. We all thought it was cute at the
time, but I guess we didn't consider his feelings. Then when my daughter
Annie went off to college, he got so lonely. I gave him some catnip to
improve his mood. Before I knew what was going on, he was hooked. One day
my daughter came home for a visit and Rover was so out of it, he didn't even
recognize her."
And don't think only common alley cats are catnip abusers. This
wide-ranging epidemic has spread to the better neighborhoods, the finer
breeds. Boredom, depression, the search for a thrill. When a cat gets into
it, the world seems rosy for awhile...that first toot is a rush. After
that, then what? Is it worth the kicks to become an addict, a shell of a
cat? Loss of memory, motivation, and fur is a high price to pay for a
little diversion. Even the corner pet store has turned into a head shop,
with catnip readily available and catnip paraphanelia displayed openly on
shelves. Cats of all ages, even little kittens are getting wasted. We urge
pet owners to ban catnip. When your cat meows for a little fun, please,
JUST SAY NO.
- Ellen Marie Gorman Lichtmacher
Author, Humor Column - Queens Chronicle
Comedy Writer / Humor Consultant
(718) 595-6652
Ellen Marie Gorman Lichtmacher is President & Founder of FCAMB
(female comics against male bashing) and is proud to report we now have 3
members!
She also teaches a course at the Learning Annex in N.Y.C. "How to
Enter the Witness Protection Program, Even if you Haven't Seen Anything,
Just to Get Into a Better Neighborhood."
She is currently under clinical treatment for referring to herself in
the third person when submitting articles to e-zines.
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` anada271 by Ellen Gorman, aka Funnigerl5 (c) 2001 anada e'zine `