💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › ANADA › anada17… captured on 2022-01-08 at 14:51:23.
⬅️ Previous capture (2021-12-03)
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. . . . . . . . . . "Impotent"
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . by Infernal
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Sent on my way, locked in a box, kicked out off the curb and into
the street rush flying like some kind of dodo bird who tried harder. What?
Fuck you. I ain�t crazy, I tell you that, I ain�t crazy. I got the raw
end of the stick a couple of times, that's all, and it hurts, it stings
like a poke in the eye does, and it makes you feel raw all over after a
while, like ground beef on the outside, and everything that comes your
way feels like razor burn, when you�re stripped naked and chafed by the
shit that people do to you, and the way shit goes down when you�re young
and stupid and you don�t realize you�re digging yourself a grave because
forever is a word in a foreign tongue, something old people say when
they put you in jail, and it makes about as much sense to you as bink
bink bink. What was I saying?
I ain�t no sissy boy, bud, I ain�t one of them faggots, but I gotta
wonder once in a moon pie if you forget how to do, you know, do the do,
if you ain�t have had the chance to do it in a while. I mean, it ain�t
the same with your hand, you know what I mean, we�re all grownups here,
right? Am I right? Am I right or am I right? I tell you something,
and if you tell Doug this I swear on the grave of Lyle Alzado that I�ll
rip your spine out your asshole, but bucky, I tell you what, I got about
one chick friend left in this wadded-up world, and the last time I seen
her she gave me a hug, and I about panicked, I totally started to sweat
and get weird and wanna go hide someplace, I felt like I stunk and had
bugs and puke on my chin or something. I felt her boobies touch me
through her shirt and her breath on my neck and I thought I was gonna go
nuclear or something, I really did.
So what I�m tryin� to figure out here is, what the fuck am I supposed
to do if, God fucking forbid, I ever get naked with a chick again? I don�t
even wanna tell you how long it�s been, bucky, but I think my cherry done
regrew, you know what I mean? And I � shut up, I�m serious here � I mean,
it ain�t even really the sex part, you know? I mean, that shit�s like
fallin� off a bike, rabbits and stuff know how to do that. I�m sayin� � you
know I�m no good with this kinda shit � I�m sayin� it�s being intimate, and
how you wanna be all touchy and hugging and stuff when you�re with a girl.
Only I don�t know if I could do it, you know? I dunno if I forgot how or
something. Or did I ever even know, you know? Am I just makin� shit up in
my head that I thought I did and I thought I said and I didn�t really do any
of it, and all those other times I was just a scared little fucking bunny
humping?
That�s the kinda shit I worry about, bucky. You wanna know how come
I�m not sayin� nothing and why I�m in the goddamn bag every time I see ya,
well there ya go. I dunno, it�s like I feel like I�m growing away from
everybody else, you know? Like I used to know people, and care about
�em, and know what to say when I ran into �em and how to be their
friends and stuff, but now I can�t even handle getting a hug from
somebody. That�s too close for me, the fucking human freak, like I�m
mutating into some crippled ugly extinct thing right before my own eyes
and I can�t even stand my own stench any more, all sweat and booze and
fear. Am I making any sense to you here?
Yeah, yeah, fuck you too. Any more beer in the fridge?
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. anada 177 by Infernal (c)2000 anada e'zine .
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