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------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/ Issue# 77 : Smeg 28th June 2002 Author: Steak ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't know where this addendum is going...its just going. I think I better make that clear *before* is start writing it. It could be going down the road, it could be going up the hill or two the sky to fly with Lucy and all those diamonds. I just don't know so don't ask me, and don't send me emails explaining to me that you wish you know where this issue is going, because it is not really going anywhere, just there. There Coffee, I need coffee, before the tiredness gets too much to handle and I cannot write anymore. But is coffee really the answer? I may lose track of what I want to write about by the time I get back. TO leave and take the gamble, or not. I will What is the point of living, why do we live? what�s the point we only die one day. Maybe all this advanced knowledge and evolutionary shit is a hindering as much as it is a blessing. Maybe we have evolved too far. Maybe we were never meant to ponder about the universe, its beginnings and its endings and its nature. Maybe, maybe. Maybe now that we as a race are so intelligent we know that there is no point to thinking about this kind of thing. Maybe Maybe the universe is cyclic, maybe the universe goes through a thousand billion year cycle, expands then contracts and then does it all over again just for kicks over and over again for eternity, or until something else just as mind boggling useless comes along. Then will I be in the next universe, will time start again, will it be the same time, or another time? If I am in the next universe will I still be the same as I am today, how many times have I been born, have I lived and have I been destroyed? How many times have I written this? If I am in the next universe, presuming there is one, will I be asking as many questions? Probably. Maybe in the next universe I will be a football loving, mussel full, macho jock. Maybe I will be dead, maybe I would never have been born in the first place. Who can say. Bugger it all, what�s the point in asking so many thought provoking questions? Why bother, I am never going to find the answer to all of this. Phoenix thinks that thinking this way is the coward�s way out. Maybe it is, maybe I should just be content with the fact that I am here just to procreate and make more of me. Maybe, I should just go out now and fuck as many women as possible just to get my self into any possible gene pool. But this is wrong. I cannot do this, neither do I want to, because I have morals and concerns, how would Kim feel if I went and fucked everyone, she would hate me, how could I live with myself after this? Will these feelings jepodise my immortality on this earth? Who cares, not me. If I procreate, great, if I don't by the time I have any chance to think about it I'm not going to care about it anymore, or anything else for that matter really. So I try as best I can to fill in the time between now and the time that I die by doing as many different, unique and interesting things, like writing, socialising, learning, going to school and other things. Tonight I�ve been trying to achieve a higher state of consciousness by listening to pink floyd's album "dark side of the moon", over and over again, time after time. It hasn't worked very well but the music is good at least. I�ve always been mad, I know I�ve been mad....happens to be one of my favourite quotes from the album Among other things I have been looking back on my life tonight. Something that can be quite dangerous if not conducted in an adult and mature manner. To help with this I have been looking at my old postings from newsgroups, I�m not proud. I will never become thing I hate the most because I have already been it, a newbie. I have re-read these old posts from 1996 and I sound like an idiot. And I don't like it. I wish I hadn�t wrote anything. And my signature file sucked. All in all I am really not proud. The track changes on dark side of the moon are very subtle, I like them very much, yes I do. I can get very depressed thinking in spirals like this, at least I can sometimes. not tonight though for some reason, I�m just actually interested in my thoughts, for once. At least I'm not rambling, or maybe I am. What if everything is just a figment of my imagination? What if my computer is a figment of my imagination, what if I am not really writing this file at the moment, what if pink floyed is a figment of my imagination, it certainly sounds like one. What if everyone I have ever met and will ever meet in y entire life are just small figments of my imagination. What if every single question I ask myself about the universe and have never answered has been asked before, like it often has done. What if a happy-go-lucky-im-the-most-importnat-person-in-the-world- wittnessing-christian chirped in at this point and told me that if I just abandon all my reason and my knowledgeable thinking then I can understand the universe, with a IQ drop of only 700 points, that�s reasonable isn't it? Maybe it is. Maybe it would be noise to be so ignorant of the entire universe that I think it was made in six days, maybe it would be nice to have the feeling that the entire world was made by a all knowledgeable being and that everything in the universe has a purpose, to make some guy who is meant to be totality complete anyway, happy. Maybe I just can't sleep again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum (C) Steak June 2002 -------------------------------------------------------------------------