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------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum URL: http://www.adden.tr.cx/ Issue# 75 : Contradictions 27th June 2002 Author: Steak ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The moon is made of cheese" Now most people would look at this statement and tell me that I was an idiot, and tell me that it has been proven time and time again that the moon is in no way made of cheese. People who would initially believe that this stamen is false are terribly terribly wrong. For they don�t see that it is in fact true, for the hand of steak has written it so faith says that it is infallible. But of course the meaning of this phrase lies not in the literal translation but in the interpretation of the text. There is obviously an error in the translation; 'makes' was obviously misinterpreted as 'is made of' this is unfortunate, but quite, quite possible. Hence armed with this new information we can re-interpret the statement in the correct way. The phrase now reads: "The moon makes cheese" This is an obvious error that any armature translator could make By cheese the original interpreter obviously didn't actually mean cheese on it�s own, but all dairy products. And when you take milk and leave it out under the moon for a few days it turns to cheese. Which makes the new re-interpreted phrase one hundred percent correct correct. --- Carrots help you see in the dark The phrase �carrots help you see in the dark� has been long regarded as a old wives tale with little or no truth in it. This original true statement has been mocked and destroyed by bad publicity. It has, of course yet again fallen victim to bad interpretation, it is obvious that carrots don't help you see in the dark, this is ludicrous, but if you were to interpret it in my way then you would see that it makes sense. Carrots are orange, those photos that you get back from the optometrist, they show the back of your eye as orange and the surrounding area as black. The part of the phrase that talks about seeing is a metaphor for the eye, and the carrots are therefore definitely a metaphor for the orange of the eye, and the dark is a metaphor for the blackness around the eye. The original creators of the phrase obviously had received divine inspiration warning about the heresy of the optometrist photos. It is something that we were never meant to see. I ask you, if god wanted us to see the backs of our eyes he would have made them point outwards, instead of inwards as they do now. We are intruding on God�s realm and it was his intention to warn us through this message, why do you think the phrase has become so popular? God�s way, that�s why. And yet the unsaved kick this message around like it was some out of date hags tail, well I will be the one laughing in heaven when I die, while you, with your fancy optometrists photos will be burning in hell --- "I went down then up the road that was a runway, went into the store and picked up then put down the local news paper and a bar of chocolate, which I took home, ate then resold back to the original supplier, for a profit of minus 40 quid" This sentence, at first seems to make no sense what so ever. But this is wrong, it makes perfect sense as long as you interpreter it in the right way, for the author is not talking about going to the local store, the store is a metaphor for a bar, and the strange business with the news paper and the bar of chocolate is a metaphor for the enormous amount of alcohol consumed there, and the business with the forty quid loss was due to him loosing two twenty pound notes on the way home due to the excessive drunkenness. So the statement, when re-interpreted in the proper way actually reads "I went down the pub, got horribly drunk and lost 40 quid on the way home" --- What�s that you say? All bible contradictions are a matter of interpretation....right. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum (C) Steak June 2002 -------------------------------------------------------------------------