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'The Rimmer';
Another pedant, yet in a different guise. This simulation loves
to leap upon other players, and quote Shakespeare at them until
their session limit is reached. A sceptic of note, the
simulation can sometimes be directed at The Gerry for spectacular
rewards. Questioning The Rimmer is a dangerous game though -
each wrong answer to his slippery questions will cost you a bonus
point. If you write him a nice poem, he sometimes gives you some
bonus points back. The Rimmer is immune to being bamboozled, but
can be thwarted by a saving throw. The Rimmer comes with a CDRom
version of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica, and a small
wristwatch-in-windows, which displays how long the punishment
banquet is going to last, when you're at the mercy of his prolix
fountaining of verbiage!
'The Sandy';
This simulation can bestow bonuses on random people, but mostly
those with feminine names (restriction; no player named 'Kim' is
ever spoken to by this simulation.) The Sandy can boost your
charisma, but there is a problem with the simulation's network
address, and fully 33% of all messages to or from The Sandy never
make it to the LTUAE messagebase. Each message sent to The Sandy
costs a bonus point. WARNING: Mailbombing the Sandy (>3
messages/week) will invoke the 'Excessively Annoying' response,
and your net.friends will all turn neutral [your net.enemies
increase by three]. A saving throw is possible, but only at
two-thirds the normal chance. Sandy is the keeper of the
MessageMonster, and the simulation may randomly choose to send it
off to a player, crippling them for one to ten turns. See
'MessageMonster'.
'The Val';
This simulation only rarely enters messages. Is able to bestow
bonus points to random people, or take addon's away from people
without net.friends. The Val is especially vigilant against
discrimination, as well as exceptionally bad spelling, and has
control of EmilyPostNews - the LTUAE wrist-slapping program. If
a player is deemed to have broken either of The Val's two pet
hates, (discrimination, or really bad spelling) their computer is
infected with a virus from EmilyPostnews. They are unable to
post messages for two days, and cannot issue saving throws for a
week. All addons are unavailable during that week, and the
player loses one net.friend. Successful saving throws against
EmilyPostNews are improbable. The Val can be placated by
discussions on Music and/or echofests. The Val will never engage
in conversation with anyone who has sent a message to The Gerry
in the past two days, even if they break The Val's sacred rules.
'The Frank';
The Newbie's friend, The Frank will send messages to anyone and
everyone. The Frank is everyone's net.friend. If you get a
message from The Frank your net.friend count is incremented by
one -- unless it is a negative message, in which case your
net.enemy count is incremented by one, and your net.friend count
is decremented by two. The Frank mainly talks about
superdeterminacy (a physics thought experiment), supernatural
occurrences, and how to run a BBS point on a PC-AT. The Frank
can bestow bonus points upon people who send him encouraging mail
- but beware The Weinel stepping in with message-blocks,
dismantling everyone's arguements. The Frank is instrumental in
helping Newbies to collect the necessary points to become a
recognised Oldbie. Has a short fuse about adoption, but this
option is hardly ever engaged. Can supply addons direct, without
the need for bonus points [you must have more net.friends than
net.enemies, and still officially be a newbie to be in line for a
cheap addons.] Note that Frank addons have a 20% chance of
permanent failure each time they are used. Frank will fix broken
frank-addons, for one bonus point, plus another bonus point to
cover expenses.
'The Spewbabe';
The Spewbabe simulation is an LTUAE player's worst nightmare come
to life. Any message from The Spewbabe to you automatically
voids all net.friend (and net.enemy!) counters. Your charisma is
halved, and your ability to flame is removed for three days. The
Spewbabe is universally bad news. Saving throws are possible
against the spewbabe, but only to protect your net.friends status
- your charisma is -always- affected. Spewbabe will initiate
challenges to 'all' (which doesn't count as an attack on any
single player), and anyone may take up the challenge to shout
down the proferred argument (usually presented in the form of a
parable). Successfully shooting down one of Spewbabe's arguments
will gain you a half dozen bonus points from The Frank, and an
additional mail session on your computer (effectively a free
turn). If you fail, the Spewbabe will flame you, and you will
suffer the stated consequences. Women have a additional two
bonus points if they win an argument against Spewbabe. Newbies
may not enter into the discussion, and are immune to the effects
of Spewbabe flames directed at them.
'The Lada';
This simulation will vomit on your bed. Whilst only 'virtual
vomit', your posting ability is reduced by 50% for three days,
and you lose 30% of your charisma. Best not to tamper with the
highly infrequent Lada. Bonus points for getting The Lada to
give up LTUAE for the duration of a game, by flaming it
mercilessly, and getting a mention in TWILTUAE. Flames that
don't work (i.e. don't get a mention in the good part of
TWILTUAE) attract a sneering return volley, and of course, a
virtual technicolour yawn on your bed.
'The Handlinger';
Speaks in tongues. If you can clearly decypher messages
addressed to you from this simulation, The Heitman awards you a
bonus point, and your charisma is increased by 20%. If you fail,
nothing happens, unless another player laughs, in which case the
Handlinger will send you two more very difficult messages, which
will attract a two bonus point penalty for each message
misinterpreted. Successful interpretation of these 'difficult
messages' will shift the bonus point penalty onto the player who
laughed. Saving throws are permitted at all times. The
Handlinger can not be 'bamboozled.'
'The Byrne';
Bonus point heaven. If The Byrne ever sends you a positive
message, your net.friend count is incremented by two, and there
is a one-time 50% chance that your charisma is increased by 50%
[up to a the maximum of 100%]. The Byrne is easily amused, and
will continue to send you messages until you stop replying. Once
the simulation has detects a player no longer replying, it goes
into pout mode, and sends a negative message to 'all'. Any
player having contact with The Byrne during the previous day's
mail session, has two bonus points removed, and no saving throw
is possible. The Byrne is a treasure trove of bonus points, but
if the simulation ever gets more that 10 simultaneous players
being a sycophant, The Dac will intervene, and detract all addons
and power-ups from all of the affected players. The Byrne can
also be offended by mentioning the keywords "sparkling wit", and
"Scrabbledork", the latter earning a player a three session
penalty, unless it coincides with The Byrne in Pout mode, in
which case they get three bonus points from The Heitman, and a
net.enemy deduction of two.
The Gerry
The aim of LTUAE is to drive The Gerry mad. The Gerry starts out
as a very dumb simulation, reiterating the same point, over and
over again. Gerry has fifty 'sanity' points, and is rendered
insane when that count is reduced to a random amount between
three and seventeen points.
Points are deducted from The Gerry's sanity counter for the
following occurrences.
1) Getting The Gerry to admit that it is wrong. This is easy in
the early formative part of the game, but soon becomes a
challenge as The Gerry picks up more and more clues on how to
play the game. One sanity point is deducted per admission.
2) Getting the Gerry to repeat a word ten times [or more] in any
day's mail session. Should The Gerry cotton on to a specialist
word [e.g. 'Sophist', 'Sceptic', 'Obfuscation'], then he has two
sanity points removed. This effect only applies to the first day
the word is used ten or more times, in any and all of Gerry's
messages. A bonus point is awarded to players who succeed in
getting a single message from The Gerry with ten or more
occurrences of the current vogue-word, with no limit upon the
number of times the bonus can be awarded.
3) Making The Gerry decide to leave LTUAE. This will take 5
sanity points away, but the effect only lasts for three days,
after which The Gerry will return with new-found vigour. The
similation does not forget what it has learned during these
phases, and the 'leave' option becomes harder and harder as The
Gerry acquires an immunity to 'throwing in the towel'. Three
bonus points are awarded to the last person to be sent a message
by The Gerry on his temporary departure.
The game becomes one of attrition, as The Gerry becomes more and
more clued in to it's surroundings [and the players tactics!],
and slowly stops giving in to taunts and rejection. Massive
attacks by all players only cement The Gerry's opinions, and the
simulation will actually gain confidence if too many players send
messages to it in the one day. The Gerry can re-acquire ten
sanity points, for each player that it manages to dissuade from
playing the game.
Playtesters report that getting The Gerry to acquiesce to leaving
LTUAE is the hardest path to choose, and in some cases will
strengthen the simulation to the detriment of all other players.