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Human in Equestria

By shadowh511

Everyone ends up writing a "human in Equestria" style fanfiction at least once. This one is mine. I wrote it in late 2011 through early 2012.

A Beginning To The Beginning

Today is the day my life was changed.

Earlier yesterday, I was your average, normal human in ye olde dead end job. I had no hope for the future. The only thing that really kept me going (and away from suicide or other equally nasty things) were these:

1. The TV show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

2. The kindness of the Brony community

Every Saturday we would all pile into the livestream and watch the new episode together. We paid little attention to it, as most of what we were doing was chatting with one another. Those times were some of the most fun times I have ever had. We’d talk about anything, even long after the episode ended.

Oh, yeah, on to the exciting part! I can’t believe its taken this long to get to it (I am not verbose in blog entries like this), but I met someone today. I met Princess Celestia of Equestria.

Meeting Celestia

Yes, really, Princess Celestia. White wings, horn, and solar cutie mark, all you would expect. When I came home from work, she was just chilling on my sofa, as if that was, ya know, normal.

To be perfectly honest, I didn’t believe this one bit. I mean, she is supposed to just be a character in a TV show, right? No possible way she could exist. The patterns on her wing-feathers, would beg to differ however. I decided it would be best to try and talk to her; see if this is actually for real. “Hello…Princess?”

She looked over with one of her warm smiles. It made me feel safe, even though my heart was beating out of my chest in fear. “Hello there Anon, it’s good to finally meet you.”

“Meet me? You’ve been here for a while?”

“Oh, I’ve only been here about five minutes. I have, however, been keeping an eye on you.”

“I never thought I’d be worth surveillance,” I stated with a nervous laugh. I could not believe my eyes, or my ears. First, what the hell was I saying? I fail at small talk. Second, why the hell is there the living implementation of a cartoon character in my apartment? Wouldn’t my roommate see this? Wouldn’t SOMEBODY see this?

“Anon, chill, you’re freaking out, there’s nothing to be worried about.” She said and stood up, stretching her back and fluffing her wings. “Seriously. Calm. Down.”

I faint.

The Choice

I awoke to the feeling of the air surrounding me from all sides. Horizontally. I was floating.

“Oh Anon, don’t freak out again, you fainted from the stress. Just sit down, I have a proposal for you,” she stated softly. Her voice was soft yet authoritative.

“Can you put me down first?”

“Oh, yes, that, sorry.” She giggled softly and lowered me to the ground, feet first. I took this as her cue and walked over to the chair that was facing my couch, sitting in it. “ahem Now, Anon, I have an important choice for you. I have chosen you and a couple select others to have the option of living in Equestria.”

Its like she read my freaking mind.

My family had stopped caring about me as much after I flunked out of college, my girlfriend had broken up with me, and I was nearly friendless. Save Jake, I was practically friendless in meatspace. I had nothing major to lose.

Sure my family would probably care if they found out I skimped out on Earth to take easy street, but they broke off contact with me.

I…can’t find a compelling enough reason to say no. Wait a minute, I think to myself, there has to be a catch to this. This is too perfect.

Curiosity overwhelms, and I ask her “Is this for real?”

She starts to laugh slightly, and the smile on her face widens. “Anon, come over here and just feel me. I am just as real as you are.”

“No…No, that’s okay…” I stammer out, starting to slightly freak out again. I quickly catch myself and recover. “So, if I say yes, what happens next?”

“You come with me and you get to get yourself all set up for a nice, peaceful life in Ponyville. If you want me to, I can get you integrated with Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie Pie. You might meet the others who came over too.”

This sounds like nirvana. I have been dreaming for months of a chance like this. I need to take the plunge. To do the impossible, see the invisible, and go where no man (stallion) has gone before!

“Princess, I have nothing major left here. Let’s do this.”

Celestia’s eyes shot open and she stared right at me. “Are you sure? This is one-way.”

“I have nothing to lose here Princess.”

“Okay, I have to charge up the spell to teleport us to your new home. For now, please take the time to leave a note. For me.”

“Yes your Highness.” I exit stage left to go grab paper and a pen. I am going to miss having hands.

The Note I Left

Hello,

If you are reading this, then I am not here anymore. I have taken a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to move to a faraway land full of magic and wonder. Please let my brother know I’m safe and well taken care of.

Goodbye,

Anon

Changes

“Anon, I’m ready. Are you?”

Now is the final chance. Growing parts of me don’t want to go through with this. “Yes, we should do it now before I change my mind.”

“Okay, let’s go.” She muttered something to herself under her breath, then started to brance for impact. She flared her wings out imposingly, then her horn started glowing.

A ball of magical energy started to form around me. I felt the magic wash over me and bring me to a feeling of total relaxation and peace. Everything became a hexadecimal white.

I began to feel old memories arising. My memories of home as a child. How my mom would cook dinner every night. How my dad and I would watch Star Trek. How my brother and I would play together with Legos. Me and Jake meeting on the playground at school. I was at total peace with myself and the world, or whatever was left of it to me.

It started to sink in to me. There was no way back now. I was committed.

Then it really hit me. I don’t have any skills that could possibly be considered marketable in Equestria. I was a CS dropout barely making a living flipping burgers for McDonalds.

I thought I had made a terrible mistake, but really I was faced with a choice. What kind of pony did I want to become?

I had mentally compelling arguments for all 3 sides. Pegasi appealed to me because of their speed and ability to fly, Unicorns because of their ability to tap into magic, and Earth Ponies because of their connection to the ground and how they seemed to form the social backbone of the society.

I then thought back to the threads on Reddit. I remembered my desire to fly. My drawings of my OC pony, Hashbang, the pegasus hacker. I could live with that. I had created him to be a part of me, but that is the only part I really have left.

The magic started to fade, and the surroundings started to come into focus.

“Welcome to Equestria, Anon! Have you used your trip to choose what kind of pony you want to become?” Celestia said all of this as she was smiling over me.

“Yes, I have. I want to become a pegasus pony.” I said this all firmly, no regeret in my mind. I knew what I wanted to become.

“Okay, want me to transform you now?” She said this with slight hesitation, as if she was holding something back from me.

“I don’t see” gulp “why not, Princess.”

“Okay, just stay right there and think about every detail you can imagine about your pegasus self. The more you have in mind, the easier it will be for Luna and I to change you.”

“Okay, again, Princess, thank you for this gift.”

“It’s no problem, Anon, really!” She blushes and calls out to Luna.

The magic starts to surrround me again and I fall calmly asleep. I clutch my hands together one last time and inhale deeply.

It is a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

Waking Up

They have said this many times, but now it rings true more than ever. “You don’t know what you got ‘til its gone.” I now started to feel mixed feelings for abandoning Earth. I felt like I could have done something to make life better there for everyone.

Then again, this all might turn out to be for the better, because (as we know) the road to hell is paved in good intentions.

I’m still in this catatonic lucid state, so I must still be in the process of becoming a pegasus. This world is going to be a better fit for me. There is little strife here. I can live peacefully doing something I love. Okay, yeah, if I hadn’t have dropped out of college, I could be doing something that I love for a living to begin with, but then there wouldn’t be a reason for me to move to Equestria, and thus no story.

I feel my eyes start to flutter open and shut again. I think I am about to wake up. I stretch out my arms. Wait, they are not arms. I open my eyes and take a look at what feels like my arms. They are a pair of legs. Wat.

I also feel what I assume is a pair of wings sticking out on both sides. I am now a green pegasus pony. I take a look back and I see my cutie mark. It’s Hashbang’s shebang. It worked.

“Princess? You there?” I call out, trying to hear for a familiar voice.

“I’m sorry, but Princess Celestia has had to take a nap. That spell she and Luna cast on you was a doozy,” said Twilight Sparkle, standing right in front of me. “Oh yeah, your instincts have been adjusted to be used to walking with four legs, I made sure of that myself.” She blushes slightly, she is shy about admitting her talents.

“Okay, I’ll ask for help if I need it.” I start to stand up, all four legs at once. I feel myself moving up and gaining my balance.

I did it, I’m standing.

“Wow! You were way faster than we had predicted. You didn’t use your wings to help you up like we had feared either! Okay, so, I think we need to be properly introduced, I’m Twilight Sparkle. And you are?”

Now was the second big choice moment. I could either go with “Anon” or go with Hashbang. Screw it. What has passed is prologue. A new name for a new life.

“You can call me Hashbang, Hashie for short.”

“Hash…bang? Umm okay…Oh! Your Cutie Mark, it kinda looks like your name. What does a symbol like that mean anyways?”

I chuckle a bit, obviously they don’t have Linux in Equestria, so she’d miss the reference. “It’s an obscure refrence to something I was studying in college…before I flunked out. It’d have no useful meaning here.”

“Oh, I see. I’m sorry to hear you flunked out of school. Some of my classmates did too. Lyra was never the same after she flunked that music class…”

“So, what should I do next? Are your friends around?”

Her eyes lit up and multiple rotating stars shone through them. Cartoony, but something to get used to. “Yes! Yes they are! Lemme go get them!” She raced out of the room.

I guess now is as good of a time as ever to explore my new anatomy. I can bend each of my legs individually and my balance shifts to the other legs if I raise one. My front legs also seem to be a lot more manuverable than they should be. I can raise my right leg up to touch my face. My wings are interesting. I can feel them closed. I open them up and stretch them out. They also move up and down.

I am _flying_.

Mane Six

“Hashie, I’m back.” I land, no, land is a bad word. I crash into the ground, face first.

“Oh dear, are you all right?” softly spoke Fluttershy, flying over to help me up.

“Mighy sorry fer scarin’ ya there partner,” apologized Applejack, also helping me up.

“Thanks guys. It’s hard getting used to four legs.” They exchanged glances with eachother then shrugged and went in for an impromptu group hug. 6 full-grown mares are hard to stop when they have an idea like that.

“So, before I came here, Princess Celestia told me there would be others, are they here yet?” I asked it openly, but Twilight almost cut me off mid sent-

“Oh yeah, there was another one, his name is not coming to mind easily. The girls didn’t get here in time to meet him, but I’m sure you’ll see him around.”

“Yeah! I was sad because I didn’t get to meet him, and see what kind of pony he was. I mean, he coulda been an earth pony, a pegasus, or even a unicorn!” This truncated stream of chatter could have come from none other than Pinkie Pie. Memories come flushing back about her.

“Oh Pinkie, do let our guest talk. He’s come a long distance to get here,” said Rarity with a GLARE. Pinkie became visibly startled and backed down.

“Wow, it’s just like the-” I stop myself. I don’t know if they know that this whole world is the subject of a TV show. This could end badly if I told them.

“Yes, what is this like?” The cyan mare inquires. “What is this all like?”

“Rainbow Dash! Stop being so harsh to new people! You’re gonna end up scaring them off!” Twilight nearly barked this at Rainbow Dash.

I slowly back away from the mane six, “I think this is a little much for me right now…Wait, I don’t think I’ve eaten yet. Can you show me where somepony can grab a bite to eat?”

Twilight cut in before the others could. “Yeah, there’s a nice restaurant about 5 minutes away from the castle. Are you confident enough on your feet yet?”

“I think so, I’ve gotta get used to it anyways, why not start now?”

Walking with four legs is something to get used to. It’s not like standard bipedal motion where you have to balance yourself, you really have to learn how to abuse the fact that your body is balancing by default. I’d just hover and fly there, like Rainbow Dash is doing, but I need to power through this and walk.

Then again, everything alien to me is normal to them. This makes my brain hurt.

Social Graces

Today I learned Equestria is a vegetarian society. Also, cows are sentient here. Asking for a meal that is essentially cooked dead cow looks really bad to everypony here. TL;DR: Don’t ask for a medium rare T-bone steak. The waiters (and customers) tend to get offended. I’m honestly glad that Twilight’s relation to the princess kept us from getting thrown out.

I gave in and went with Twilight’s favorite, a daffodill sandwitch. Eating without hands is not fun. My Earthly social graces say I shouldn’t just dive in face first, but this anatomy seems to present that at the only choice. Twilight and Rarity just float the food above their plates and move it closer when they take a bite. Fluttershy seems to be taking little nibbles every so often. Applejack and Rainbow Dash are just diving in. I guess it’s socially acceptable to do it, so I just dig in headfirst.

A gasp falls over the crowd. There is an awkward silence in the restaurant. Everypony seems to be staring at me.

I cover my face with my front legs and cower a bit, quivering. Pinkie speaks up first, “Wow! That’s almost as good as Fluttershy’s cowering! I mean, oops.” She covers her mouth with her hooves. Rarity glares, Applejack and Rainbow Dash chuckle, Fluttershy just has this passive look of disapproval and Twilight facehoofs.

I turn over to Rainbow Dash, who is sitting next to me and whisper, “Okay, quick question, how do you eat here? I don’t have any idea how I’m supposed to eat this without any way to hold it. It’s just…odd to me.”

“Oh, umm, just try and do what Fluttershy is doing, but pick up the pace a little. I don’t know why everypony gasped at you back there, but that’s how the saddle strap frays!”

These equine references are going to be the death of me.

I head in for a bite and take it. Everything was fine. I sigh, then finish my meal.

Sendoff

After the meal, we all headed back to the castle, mainly to see if the princess had woken up. My wings had cost Celestia a lot of energy, I am still extremely grateful for it.

Suprisingly, Celestia had left the castle and was said to have left Equestria for a little bit. Everypony around was confused at this, but I knew exactly what she was doing. She was out to find another lucky brony.

Luna was sitting at the throne in Celestia’s absence. Although I was more of a night person back on Earth, I still found myself lining up with Celestia more than Luna. I bowed to her to show her respect and asked her “Princess Luna, what happens next? I don’t want to be a burden on you and your sister.”

Luna was a little shocked, “Such maturity for a stallion of only 18. I remember Celestia telling me to send you to Ponyville after you had adjusted, but are you sure you are ready?”

Smiling, I replied “The sooner I can get on my hooves in Equestria, the better. Besides, I’ve wanted to see Ponyville in pony for a long time.”

Luna seemed to warm up to me, walking down to me and resting one of her extended and majestic royal wings on my back. “Hashbang, is it?” I nodded. “Well then, Hashbang, I can only wish you luck in your new home. If you need it, get Spike to send me or my sister a letter. We are both quick to reply.”

I attempted to return her gesture with my wing. My wings are too short. She noticed this anyways and lowered herself down so it would work out. “Thank you and Celestia for this chance. I’ll be sure not to waste it.”

Using her horn, she pointed me towards the mane six. “Twilight Sparkle and her friends can help you find a place to stay for now. She is good at those logistics problems.”

Logistics problems? That sounds like a really primitive version of what I was studying in Computer Science before I failed. I might get to do something I remember from Earth after all. Another thing to think about.

I head out with Twilight, thanking Luna again and again. My wings are flapping and making it easier to walk. This must be close to what real flying feels like.

We hop on the hot air balloon that they took over and we headed off to Ponyville.

One In A Millerion

Atuhor’s Nose: This next section is a fork from the main plot, but is still significant to it. Please bear with me.

I feel like I have failed in this world. I had the chance to move away from home and get started in a new place. I missed it.

Living at home is a blast when you are a kid. After you have tasted the freedom adulthood has to offer though, it is not fun. All I really have to keep me together right now is my friends, but they are only available on the internet. There is Anon, who I consider to be closest to me right now, but he hasn’t come online for a few days. He is usally marked as online 24 hours a day. I haven’t checked the local news sites for his area yet, but if he stays missing for much longer, I might have to.

Like Anon, I am also a brony. I have wanted to give back to the community with the music I want to make, but none of my equipment would make it very good to listen to.

My name is Terry, and I also have had an encounter with Princess Celestia.

Back To Mane Story

As we continue to fly to Ponyville, I can see one major advantage of my new form. I am not going to be easily able to use a computer, if they exist in Equestria. From what I have seen, they do not. Personally, I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Machines like computers made life on Earth easier and simpler. But from what I’ve seen of Ponyville on TV, the lack of technology makes it feel much more in-tune with the environment.

If I keep focusing on what I have lost from Earth, I am going to drive myself insane. I need to just pop it all off and out of focus. “Hey, Pinkie, I haven’t heard you plan for a welcoming party yet.”

Pinkie looked over at me with her blank, yet intimidating stare of doom. “Oh Hashie, don’t you worry your pretty little head. I would tell you more, but I wouldn’t want your num- Er, You’ll see.”

Did she just make a Cupcakes reference? What did I get myself into? Is she just trolling me, even though she wouldn’t know about it? Mental note: volume 1337: keep an eye on Pinkie, fillies be kwazie.

After a while longer, the balloon lands and I trot my first steps into Ponyville, my new home. The town is alive and bustling with activity. There is the smell of commerce in the air as we pass Big Mac, Carrot Top, and others selling their food. The girls and I pass through town, heading to Twilight’s treehouse. I am not suprised to see a few vacant homes around, I knew Ponyville was small, but I somehow felt like there was always room for easy expansion. I guess I know where I can find a house easy.

As we were walking through town, Rainbow Dash “Hey, Hash, is it okay if I call you that?” I nod. “You wanna go out and stretch your wings out with me? It’s a really great way for us pegasi to relax after a long day.”

It’d be nice to know some hacks on my new physiology. She could mean flying, could she? “Uhh, sure, I guess. I don’t see why not!”

“Great!” Rainbow Dash beamed a smile over, totally ambiguously. Great. This probably means I’m in for a trip to painville.

We arrive there without any major incident. The library is a disaster. Spike walks out blushing, then runs like there’s no tomorrow. He is magically grabbed by Twilight. “We’ll talk later. For now, help us with this please.”

Ya know the library they show on the show? That’s only half of it. There are a lot of books.

By this point, all seven of us are exhausted. I remember that I need a place to stay for now. Fluttershy, anticipating this, offers to me to stay with her for the night.

“Rainbow Dash, could we do what you wanted to do tomorrow?” I gasp. Rainbow Dash is having trouble walking straight and just nods.

After saying our goodbyes, Fluttershy and I head towards her cottage. It always seemed ironic to me that Fluttershy was afraid of the Everfree forest, yet lived right next to it.

“Hey, Fluttershy.”

“Yes? What is it?”

“Thanks for offering me to stay with you for the night.”

“Oh, its no problem, Hashie, none at all.” She blushes.

Nightmare

When I was sleeping, I had a nightmare. I was at the internship I took over a summer, and stuff was going badly. The server room was on fire. Not with customers bitching, not with requests, but with real fire. Typical nerd, just got away from all the problems of technology, dreams about them anyways.

When I woke up, Fluttershy was standing over me looking more worried than normal. I was sweating bullets. No, that’s not correct. I was sweating baseballs. “Hashie, Hashie, are you okay?” She was fluttering about as she said this.

I groan and raise my head. “Yeah, why, what’s wrong, Fluttershy?”

She lands and grabs me a towel. I use my front hooves to wipe myself off. The towel is now soaked. “It’s just that you were sweating so much, and I was getting so worried.”

I put a hoof on her shoulder, “It’s okay Fluttershy, I just had a nightmare, that’s all. Thanks for caring though, I really appreciate it.” She nuzzles me with her mane.

“I’m gonna go finish making us a nice, yummy breakfast. Go take a rinse or something.” She sauntered out of the room, humming a happy rendition of the Heart Carol as she was nearly skipping out of the room.

I might have just made a grave error. I know nothing about Equestria’s gestural language. Did I just tell Fluttershy I wanted to marry her? No, I couldn’t have. I don’t want to marry her, I just want to be friends.

Well, it’s best to rinse off, like she suggested, and head down to get some food. It is easy enough to activate the showerhead. I wash myself off and dry off quickly. Having fur would make you think this is impossible, but its actually easier to shake off and walk on.

I head to the kitchen, following this wonderful smell to the table. She had set up a nice, simple pancake breakfast. “Oh, welcome down! Please, take a seat and start eating, you’ve got a lot of flying to do with Rainbow Dash today.”

Great, I was correct. I am going to be hurting. Ah well, good to know beforehand. “Just wondering, why did you make so much?”

“New fliers burn through a lot of energy really really quickly, and if you’re not careful, you can fall asleep mid-flight. That has ended…not very well for ponies in the past.” Again, good to know, Equestrian logic.

The rest of the meal passes without incident. As soon as I finish eating, I hear a knock at the door. It’s Rainbow Dash. “C'mon, Hashbang, are you ready?”

I head towards the door and give Fluttershy a look to see what she thinks. She blankly stares back. No help from her here.

Goodbye Melissa

Texas. The place where everything is bigger. Except paychecks. We are literally at the federal minimum wage here. Getting work about 30 hours a week doesn’t get me enough to do anything fun.

That’s a lie. I can do fun things, just not as often as I would like.

But this all changed once I met with Princess Celestia. She showed up to me in a dream. It was a beautiful dream, filled with all my friends and family. The fact that we were all ponies didn’t seem to bother me in the least. It just felt so natural.

The next day, I had decided to turn in for the night, but wanted to take a short walk before bed. I hear this voice behind me ask “Lovely weather out tonight, eh?” I look behind me and I see Princess Celestia. I turn back and keep on walking. Then it hits me and I turn back to run to her.

“Princess Celestia? Is that really you?”

“Terry, why yes, of course it is. Who else would it be?”

“Some troll trying to throw me for a loop?”

“Well, I am what you would call a bit of a troll, but it makes running canterlot fun! Listen, can we talk seriously for a bit?” I nod. “I have a chance for you to start over in a new land. One filled with magic and wonder. Terry, would you like to take the plunge into Equestria?”

No. Way.

This can’t possibly be real. It’s like she saw into my dreams and knows my secrets. For a while now, the idea of moving away from Texas has been appealing to me, but I need money to move, and I need to move to get money. Yay for catch-22’s.

If I accept this offer, I could finally leave home and make a name for myself. It is worth it to me. Someone else can get the job I have at that gas station. It pays, but it is not the best job in the world.

“Princess Celestia, yes. There are family and friends left here on Earth, but I don’t have a place here. I’ve been feeling down since Anon vanished. I think a fresh start would do me so many wonders.”

“Oh, Anon? Is he the one that was obsessed with computers? Yeah, I picked him up about a week ago.”

“WAT. Let’s go, Princess, I need to see this for myself. I’m ready, let’s go.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. Just remember that this is a one-way trip.”

“I understand.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

The light from her horn started to wrap around me in a blanket of warm light. I fell into a peaceful, dreamy sleep.

Flying in Freedome

The feeling of flying is really impossible to describe in any terms humans can understand. It’s like sticking your head out of the window of a car while driving it through the air. You can just feel the air move around you as you move through it. The wind becomes either the bane of your existence or a dream come true.

Rainbow Dash and I were flying for what seemed like hours. She asked me to follow her lead and just let my wings do the thinking. It felt good to let my newfound instincts take over. Very liberating. I started to let my mind wander.

Was it better overall for me to abandon Earth like I did? We were in terrible times as a species. Our basic human rights were in question because companies thought we should buy more of their products and services. They were shutting down places of free expression or limiting what we could post there. It was a sad day when the mighty 4chan fell to the demands of the copyright holders. The community never fully recovered from its loss.

As I was contemplating this, I suddenly felt myself being dragged away from my present course. In my thought, I had apparently steered towards a giant, menacing-looking cliff. “Thanks for that Rainbow Dash, I think I got lost in a thought I was having.”

“Oh really, let’s land on that cloud over there and take a break. You’ve outlasted what I thought you would.” I considered that a compliment and flew on ahead.

You would think that clouds, when landing on them would be soft and fluffy. Guess what? THEY ARE. Seriously, I gotta get myself a mattress made out of the things. They also offer a strange level feeling, even though there is nothing there to anchor it down.

Rainbow Dash sat down across from me. “So, what was it that you were thinking about?”

I sigh, this was going to be hard to explain. “I started thinking about my old home. I just started realizing how downhill everything there went. Some of the basic foundations of our free information society had fallen apart.”

She looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. “What do you mean by that?”

“Where I came from, some of the core values we had regarding information was that it was to be shared freely to anypony that wanted to get it. However, the creators of the information didn’t like this so much, and started to get our government to shut down all the ways we used to share it. Then they wanted the technology we used to share it to be monitored and limited. It was getting kind of bad.”

She looked at me in awe. “Wow, doesn’t seem like my kind of place. Tell ‘ya what, let’s head over to Sugarcube Corner to get a bite to eat. Flying takes a lot out of ya.” She was right, I was feeling hungry after flying for so long.

“Seems legit to me. Where is it from here?”

“Follow my lead!”

The cloud she chose just so happened to be above Sugarcube Corner. We land and head inside. A voice calls up from below, “Rainbow Dash, Hashbang? Head on down here! I need help with something.”

A red flag gets raised in my head, and I hold out my wing in front of Rainbow Dash to stop her. “What’s up Hashbang?”

“Something here doesn’t seem right Rainbow Dash. Are you sure that it’s safe to go down there?”

“Yeah, I’ve been down there hundreds of times. Don’t be such a blank flank.”

I reluctantly lower my wing and follow her lead downstairs.

It’s dark, except for a single, lone lightbulb hanging from the celing. It cast light on the floor in a conical pattern from the source. I walk under it and Rainbow Dash vanishes from sight. I defensively open my wings. The light then chooses to go out then. The darkness blankets the room with fear. I hear and feel the breath of many other creatures.

Then suddenly the lights come on and I hear the word “SURPRISE” shouted.

It spooks me and I subconsciously jump. It’s Pinkie’s suprise party welcoming me to Ponyville. I faint.

Post-party

As I came to, Fluttershy was totally bitching Pinkie Pie out for her suprise party freaking me out like that. “Pinkamina Diane Pie! I am shocked and outraged at you for freaking out poor Hashie like that. He hasn’t done anything to you and you nearly put him in the hospital.”

I get up and walk over to Fluttershy, resting my right wing on her back. “Hey, Fluttershy, I’m fine now, you can stand down.”

She looked towards me and started tearing up. I wiped the tears off her face and started talking to her “Everything’s fine, let’s just enjoy the party. Can we do that?” She nodded back at me. “Okay, now stop crying, you can’t enjoy a party if you are crying.” I look over to the quivering pink mass that is Pinkie Pie. “Let’s just move on as if that never happened. It’d be for the better.”

The party was great. There was much rejoicing.

I finally got to meet Lyra and Bon Bon. It turns out they are seen together so much because they share their house as roommates. Interesting to see that Ponyville has mortgages on houses much like Earth does.

Fluttershy invited me to her cottage again for the night. On the way back she was humming constantly. I don’t want to crush her, but I don’t want to maintan a facade with her either.

It’s as if everything is setting itself up for a transition.

Letter to the Princess

I was at the library. Spike stood right beside me, quill at the ready. “Ready when you are, Hashbang.”

“Okay, here goes.”

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am having an absolute blast here in Equestria. I thank you again and again every day. Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and even Rarity have all helped me significantly in my times here in Equestria.

However, I am feeling somewhat alone for some reason. I don’t understand it either. I just feel lonely.

I look around to make sure that none of the mane 6 are listening in. As far as I can tell, they are not.

It would be nice to have someone else from Earth that I can relate to here. You have made the world here perfect. Almost too perfect.

Your faithful student,

“Wait, no. I’m not her student, am I?”

Spike shrugged. “As far as I can tell you’re not.”

“I think I have it now.”

Your friend,

Hashbang

\#!

‘Spike, can you send that off now please? Also, please don’t tell the girls what I wrote, privacy and whatnot.“ I kinda stare at Spike to mark my point.

Spike rolls it up and fires (heh) it away.

"Twilight, Rainbow Dash? I’m done now. Where did you guys go?” I call out to them.

They don’t respond, probably out of earshot. I start to hear singing in the next room. It sounds like Fluttershy. She has always has a beautiful voice. I have always admired its vocal “shimmer”. She wasn’t singing any lyrics, only vocalizing her happiness. I walk over near her and listen in pure aural bliss.

I feel this suggen urge to join in song with her. I join her.

She notices me. She continues without hesitation.

Spike walks in and asks “Where is all this wonderful music coming from?” Fluttershy suddenly breaks from song and starts blushing. I look down at Spike. “It was coming from us.” Sigh.

Suddenly, Spike belches and spits out a letter from the Princess. I grab it quickly and ask for some privacy to read it.

Dear Hashbang,

I’m glad to hear you are having such a good time here in Equestria! I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see you off to Ponyville, but I think I can make up for that.

In two days, I’d like for you to come back to the castle. I will have a suprise waiting for you. I’m totally not trolling you.

I’d also like Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie to come with you. You’ll see why.

Please send Twilight and the rest my regards, I’d write directly to her, but I simply don’t have the time. Hectec royal schedule and all.

In Harmony,

Princess Celestia

“Hey, Fluttershy, come here! I’ve got news from the Princess!”

She rushes in, “What is it?”

“She wants us to meet her in two days at the castle!”

Fluttershy kinda backs away a half step, “Oh my, what is it about?”

“I don’t know, but she said it’s gonna be something good. She told us to bring Pinkie Pie along with us too.”

“Okay, I’ll go tell her right away!” She flies off.

Meetup

The dream-like feeling of floating stopped and I found myself in a bed. I see a lamp and a door to the north. No other obvious exits. This bed is the most comfortable thing I have ever slept on.

I feel really odd all over, like everything was re-arranged from what I remember. It might be best to get up and assess the situation.

I get up on all four legs and start talking around to work out the stiffness. Wait. Four legs. Wat.

I stretch out my wings and stumble across the room.

Wait, wings too?

At this time, Celestia decides that now would be the best time to come in and check up on me. I feel this overwheming desire to bow in her presence.

“Terry, get back up! You don’t need to bow!” She started snickering back. “Honestly! Get up!” She nearly fell over in laughter.

She collected herself and placed a wing on my back. “Welcome to Equestria, Terry! You are the second human to come here like that. Your soon to be friend, Hashbang should be here shortly with some friends from Ponyville. Oh, yeah, if you want to, please tell me what you want to call yourself.”

This choice. The power.

A name comes to mind, Lynx. I feel compelled to choose it. “Princess, call me Lynx.”

“Splendid. Hashbang and some of his friends are waiting for you. Come with me.” She opened the door magically and walked out. I followed.

Out there was a green pony nuzzling Fluttershy with Pinkie Pie laying down half-asleep. Probably the calmest I’ve ever seen Pinkie, she usually never stops moving.

“Hashbang, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Lynx has come here to live in Ponyville too. Please help him feel welcome.”

So there I was, idly nuzzling Fluttershy (hey, she started it and I’m not complaining) and waiting for the Princess to return, when I met a gray pegasus with a red and black mane and a musical cutie mark. She said his name was Lynx. Wait, is that Terry?

I look at the green pegasus’ cutie mark. It is a shebang. Anon’s OC pony looked like this. Is this him? No. This cannot be.

“Hey, um, Anon? Is that you?”

His eyes shoot open and he gets up. Fluttershy also gets up, slightly flustered. “Terry? No way.” He charges into a hug and we both fall over laughing. “Dude, Terr…I mean Lynx, I can’t believe it’s you! How’s it been?”

I look over at him. “It’s been okay, Aqua is in ruins though. No suprise there, eh?”

He starts a laugh, “I figured as much. I was like the only thing that held that sorry group together, wasn’t I? Say, anything major happen in the news?”

“No, nothing from the news. I was worried sick about you though. You just vanished on me there.”

“Yeah, I think we have the same story. Say, how about you introduce me to these friends of yours. Are they who I think they are?”

“Oh, yeah, here.” He raises a hoof and points to each of the ponies and introduces them. Fluttershy walks over to Hashbang and stands there beaming.

Pinkie springs up in joy and shouts “Hooray! Two new ponies in Ponyville! I never knew I’d get so many new friends in such a short time! Let’s get celebrating!”

I give Lynx the look of I can’t get you out of this. Celestia notices this and points towards the door. “I have a chariot all set up for you to get back to Ponyville before noon. Have fun and good luck My Little Ponies!”

We all head towards the door and thank the Princess.

Statistics

I always knew that Rainbow Dash was one of the less welcoming ponies, but I never would have guessed how much she took Lynx under her wing. It was as if they were communicating purely though their aerial movements, and their message one of friendship and happiness.

Fluttershy and I were all but living together now. I tried a few times to get my own house, but Fluttershy had somehow convinced me to just live with her. Most fillies here have their way with words, but Fluttershy’s musical ways had won me over.

Today I had decided to head over to the library and ask Twilight if she needed any help with some of her more complicated problems. It had been too long since I had done anything mentally taxing like that, and I needed release. Damned hacker blood.

After the short and pleasant flight over, I get to the library. I see Derpy doing her mail deliveries and call out “Hey there Derpy!”

She shouts back “Hey there Hashbang! Sorry, but there’s no mail for you today!”

“It’s okay! You best be off to work now, have fun!”

“I will, see ya Hashbang!”

“See ya, Derpy!”

She’s such a great mare. Does one of the hardest jobs in Ponyville even with an eyesight disorder. Model citizen she is, model citizen.

I knock on the door and Twilight answers. “Oh, hey there Hashbang. What brings you here?”

“I need something to do. I remember hearing you had to deal with some logistics problems? Can I try and tackle one?”

She looked kinda shocked. “You can try, but I’m the only one in town who can come close to solving them. They can get pretty complicated.”

“Over a summer I worked for a company that did data mining on hundreds of data entries per second.” Twilight’s pupils shrunk and she stared right at me.

“How many ponies did you work with to do that?”

“It was only about five of us on the team. Kinda big for such a simple part of the project.” She stared more. “Oh yeah, we had a machine run all the data analysis routines for us. You think we did all that by hoof?” She weakly nodded. “Yeah, no. We have a good set of machines and tools to help us do that stuff. All this being said, gimme your best shot.”

“Umm, okay. Here’s some paper, ink and a pen. The problem is this: You have detailed survey data for Ponyville from last year and this year. We need to find the differences between them so that Canterlot can send us more money if we break into the next tax bracket.”

Differences between two tables? Sounds like a good old fashioned data abstraction challenge to me. “I’ll take a stab at it, seems similar enough to a problem I had to solve before.”

Her eyes lit up. “Good, the new rows are on the bottom.” She places the bundle of stuff on a table. This should be simple. All I have to do is create a set of deltas and apply some trasnformations to them.

On a sheet of paper I outline the functions I need to solve this. You know how I said I was gonna miss having hands? Yeah. Now I really do. Good thing I was outlining the functions in shorthand python.

After a while, I got all the data Twilight wanted processed and delta’d, so I alerted her. She looked over quizically. “You’re done already? That usually takes me days.”

“It’s easier when you’ve taken classes on this stuff. This was one of my best classes back at the university. If you need me to do this some other time, let me know Twi.”

She was flabbergasted, apparently forgetting I wasn’t born in Equestria, again.

“Well, thanks for the work. I’m gonna go head back home. Say, do you know what’s gotten into Fluttershy? She seems so…attatched to me.”

Twilight Sparkle started displaying this smug expression. “Are you really that oblivious?”

“Seeing as I don’t know this culture very well, yes.”

“Well, let me put it this way. Everypony chooses their very special somepony, then can’t get away from them. It’s like an addiction.”

Well, my fears/dreams are now realized. I am living with probably one of the kindest, adorable, sweet ponies in Ponyville. And she was infatuated with me.

Totally legit.