💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ebooks › bofh › newbofh › bofh1oct97.txt captured on 2022-01-08 at 14:12:29.
⬅️ Previous capture (2021-12-03)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
TThhee BBaassttaarrdd OOppeerraattoorr FFrroomm HHeellll
TThhee bboossss ttrriieess ttoo oouusstt tthhee BBOOFFHH aanndd tthhee PPFFYY aaggaaiinn.. EEnntteerr GGeeoorrggee,, ssoommee
llaaggeerr,, aa sshhrreeddddeerr aanndd sseevveerraall PPFFYYss ttoo--bbee ......
========================================================================
I'm feeling a little seedy this morning after I put several hours (and
lagers) into finding out just what the hell's going on.
It appears that George from Cleaning and Maintenance has overheard some
startling conversations between the head of IT and the boss. They are
plotting on winning the CEO's favour with the result of getting shot of
the PFY and I.
A small amount of dosh later, George tells us how they intend to
accomplish their aim...
So it comes as no surprise when the CEO and IT brown-nose crew (the boss
and head of IT) enter the office.
"I'd like to ask you a little favour if I may," the CEO begins
benevolently.
"What can I do for you?" I ask, getting a little naso-trouser action in
myself.
"Well, it's my grandchild's computer applications class," he says.
"Surely you're too young to have grandchildren?" the head of IT blurts.
The CEO continues: "Well, apparently they'd like to see some of the
theory in action and I thought..."
"...that we could show them how a real computer centre works," the PFY
finishes.
"Exactly."
"No sooner said than done," I say, taking the lead in the brown-nose
hurdles.
"And I'll sort out some souvenirs, lunch and transport," the PFY adds,
winning by a length, closely followed by me, and the boss.
Two days later the group of Slightly-Pimply-Faced-Youths shows up at IT
Central. Half the department is on the alert as word's got around
there's some form of benefit to be had from this sort of activity.
"Before we start, I'd just like to quickly cover the topic of safety in
this building."
The CEO smiles gratefully, knowing I have the best interests of his kin
and class at heart.
Five minutes later our attentive students are preparing themselves to
enter the Comms room when a loud shriek is heard from outside Mission
Control.
"And lastly," I say, removing the cable between the step-up transformer
and the door handle, "a sincere thanks to our boss for his practical
demonstration of the dangers of electricity." I open the door to reveal
the boss, with a more vacant expression than usual, sitting on the floor
outside the office with a pile of IT ID-cards scattered about him. "You
can never be too careful."
The boss is ferried away to sick bay for a quick once-over (and a change
of undergarments if my nose does not deceive me) while the head of IT
spots an opportunity to join the class as we take them through to the
Comms room. He gazes on in awe as we identify the various bits and
pieces therein (half of which he signed for) and ask for questions as we
wander into the tape and document safe.
"What are they for?" the CEO's descendant asks pointing at some of our
equipment.
"Those are for document destruction. This is a bulk eraser and that's a
shredder. Would you like to try?"
A couple of students are keen to try their hand at it so we give them
some old tapes and a stack of paper and leave them to it.
"What's that TV set for?" asks one of the students, pointing at a 29in
monitor.
"That's not a TV set," the head chuckles. "That's a security camera
monitor."
"But it's got a stereo video attached to it."
"A security recorder with dual audio channels, isn't it?" the head asks
me.
"Well, it looks like a TV and video to me. I still don't know why you
ordered it."
"Ordered it?" the PFY pipes up. "He asked me to get stores to deliver it
to his home."
"You requested it." The head is losing his calm.
"What on earth for? Anyway, I keep copies of all requests. Until they've
been filled, at which time they get shredded..."
The head, in Superman mode, attempts to leap a high tape stack in a
single bound, faceplanting the shredding machine. A nasty sight for the
young and impressionable, but not as nasty as what follows when his tie
slips into the shredder blades... The PFY switches it off at the wall
saving the boss further injury, but also disabling the reverse switch.
"Once again we see the dangers of our workplace," I lecture as the boss
thrashes around trying to free himself. "Even a shredder can be
dangerous. Even this bulk eraser could cause problems especially if you
weren't wearing an anti-magnetic watch like our head here."
BZZZZZZZZZERT...
"Oh. Or if you were wearing one that said it was anti-magnetic, but
wasn't, like the boss here. Thank you very much for demonstrating sir."
The CEO smiles, happy in the knowledge that the class has learned
something. Situation restored to normal.
========================================================================
Previous : _T_h_e_ _b_o_s_s_ _t_r_i_e_s_ _t_o_ _o_u_t_-_b_a_s_t_a_r_d_ _t_h_e_ _B_a_s_t_a_r_d_ _._._.
Next : _T_h_e_ _P_F_Y_ _s_h_o_w_s_ _c_o_m_p_a_s_s_i_o_n_ _t_o_ _a_ _u_s_e_r_ _._._.
Back to _T_h_e_ _B_a_s_t_a_r_d_ _M_e_n_u.