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Gemini, day 11

Nope. One day is not enough to cope with a change to the routine. But I have to post _something_ to my gemlog or I'll break _two_ routines, and we can't have that now.

This will be a raw emotional post. If that's not your thing, hit your back button, and hopefully we'll be back to our regularly scheduled small Internet musings sooner than later.

With that disclaimer: It's one of those days, and now seeping into one those nights.

I will freely admit that my access to email and various forms of synchronous messaging was for all intents and purposes unbounded. I guess that's a regression of sorts. I did not dare open any B.S. and am committing to keeping that as a new habit, so overall, the Geminification is a bit of a 2 steps forward, 1 step back ordeal. I can live with that, I suppose.

I want to be mad at myself for "slipping", so to speak, but I am well aware that life goes in cycles. The first week of gemlogging caught me in an unusual peak. Now my routine is totally changed and that necessarily means a trough.

I will get through this. Eventually.

The least I can do is show kindness to myself while going through it, and not beat myself up over my want of high-quality stimuli. Instant messaging is not ideal, but I'll take it over loneliness any day of the week. I'd rather keep email to a minimum, but reading neutral email beats a spiral.

I think kindness is underrated. Sometimes being truly kind to others isn't possible until you learn to be truly kind to yourself. No, selfishness is not true kindness to yourself in the long run; there's nuance.

This entry is not meant to be inspirational.

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Hey, even if I can't find the mental bandwidth to do much with it this week, I am still quite captured by Gemini.

Maybe this isn't an up-week for me. That's ok. It's still an up-month.

...An up-month in a not-so-up-year.