💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ebooks › bofh › bofh › bofh5.txt captured on 2021-12-17 at 13:26:06.
⬅️ Previous capture (2021-12-03)
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TThhee BBaassttaarrdd OOppeerraattoorr FFrroomm HHeellll
BBaassttaarrdd OOppeerraattoorr FFrroomm HHeellll ##55
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I'm bored senseless, so I pass the time by reading users email. I must
admit that today's lot is PARTICULARLY boring, not one good message in
all of them. I was expecting at LEAST some veiled reference to a grope
in a storeroom, but nothing. So I'm bored senseless by the usual drivel
about some relative's surgery and how the weather is over the other side
of the world - that sort of crap.
To relieve the boredom, I remove a e-mail party invite from a user's
mail and post it under the senders username to
alt.singles.with.severe.social.dysfunctions on news, and make a note in
my diary to be there with my camcorder. Should be a blast!
Next in line is the online medical records database, in which the
company doctors store the current medical histories of the staff. I grep
it quickly for "herpes" and "syphillus" and send the results to the
local scum newspaper. I cover my tracks by adding an entry to one of the
doctor's online electronic diarys for yesterday saying "$500, Med Recs
To Paper" I think that's all it should take.. That'll be the last time
he doesn't shift appointments to make room for me..
I move some tapes from the racks to the trolley to make it look like we
really use them, then start looking thru archie listings for a hidden x-
gif site. I find one then start a batch job running under some user's
account to get them all back, charged to him. I make sure he's got
enough disk for the job by removing any files not related to the task at
hand. Like all those "Doctorate Final Report" papers that have got quite
large in the last couple of weeks.
I go back to the mail now, as something's bound to have happened. I do a
grep on all mail files for the words "pregnant" and "family way", and
post them anonymously to the local general interest newsgroup.
Then, before anything can happen, the power goes out! The next second,
the phone rings.
"Hello?" I say, annoyed - the coyote was just about to kill roadrunner
again!
"Has the comput.."
I hang up. This is a matter of life or death. Quick as I can I rip the
computer power cable out of the UPS and plug the TV in. Damn! Wylie
missed again!
Meantime, all the alarms are going off like crazy as the disks spin
down, but that's ok, because my Mac and Terminal are hardwired to the
UPS in any case; and I'm at the Beer Factory level in Dark Castle too!
The phone rings, so I pull the PABX breaker on the UPS switchboard and
it stops. Now to look like I'm working. I break out the puck and the
hockey stick and play a little one-on-wall. From the observation window
it'll look like I'm being blindingly efficient, as per usual.
10 Minutes later, the power is back and we're two HDA's down, but what
the hell, I haven't lost a man, I'm onto the final screen, and there's
more cartoons!
The phone rings, it's a luser. (What a surprise)
"Computer Room" I say, being efficient
"Hello, When will the compu..."
I hang up.
I'm doing well in the screen, all I need do is get past the wizard who
throws spells at you and I'm in!
The phone rings again. I put it on hands free
"Computer Room" I shout, still deep in the game.
"I've lost my files" a user whines over the loudspeaker
"You bet you have" I say, as my concentration lapses just long enough
for me to get zapped by the wizard.
"What was your username?" I say, all sweetness and smiles
He tells me, I look, and he's right. Shit, and I didn't even do it!
Not to be outdone, I change his login directory to the null device, set
his path to "." and redefine the command "news" to execute a script in
his old login directory to send a nasty message to the equal
opportunities officer, then delete itself.
Now that's trying!
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