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Some understanding

Sunday, November 28th, 2021AD

I can hardly believe that December is so close! Soon the year will be over.

I think I figured out why I was feeling so melancholy while reading YKK. It touches on some feelings I've kept bottled-up for some time, like loss of childhood, sad acceptance of what can't be changed, and growing up. I explained it to a friend something like this:

1. Mom had brain cancer twice (She's OK now, we were fortunate to avoid
	much loss of function. Sometimes her foot loses sensation, that's most 
	of it.)
2. As a kid, I moved around a lot and can say that I don't have friendships
	that stretch from kindergarten to now
3. I felt like I had to grow up fast and abandon childhood because of 1 & 2
4. ∴ the unspoken loss & melancholia in YKK is pulling my heartstrings with
 	300 horsepower because those landscapes and clipped sentences are how I 
 	felt (feel?) during and after

I think I'll finish reading the manga and delete it from my computer. I like it, it's a beautiful story and an interesting world. I just can't handle reading it again quite yet.

There's a scene where Alpha, the main character, gets an offer from Ojisan, the gas station owner from down the road, to let her open her coffeeshop at the station once the sea takes her shop. Alpha starts crying. Somehow I think I know that feeling.

I like the aesthetics of YKK, it's just too lonely.

i On ustavil nogy moje na skalě, i oporedčil pravilno kroky moje

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