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Re: December 2020 Five Questions

Alright, it's Five Questions time!

Courtesy of your friend and mine, christyotwisty

gemini://gemini.circumlunar.space/~christina/

Let's see what's in store for us this time.

In the two weeks prior to your undertaking in answering these questions, the kindest, sweetest thing someone had done for you.

My first mate cut my hair. It was really kind and brave of them. I think they kind of didn't want to do it. But I had been complaining about how bad my hair felt to me. So they watched some youtube videos about how to cut long hair, and they got some new scissors, and they did it! It turned out pretty good for a first time home cut! It looks fine, and even better, it feels so much better. I can run my fingers through my hair and it feels so soft.

Also, a friend I worked with this summer had a full time position open up at their company, and they thought of me and recommended me for the job. And, long story short, today was my first day at my job! That was also a great kindness.

I feel very lucky and fortunate.

In the two weeks prior to your undertaking in answering these questions, the sweetest or kindest thing you did for someone else?

The only person in my life really is my aforementioned first mate. I try to take good care of them. I do all the cooking and cleaning, and I bring them breakfast and coffee in bed when I can. They work really hard, long hours. And I rely on them for so much. So I try to make their downtime as simple and enjoyable as I can.

What self-care do you recommend to a recently bereaved person who lost her life partner during the pandemic, but not to the coronavirus?

Oh, I'm so sorry. Try to find a professional therapist you can talk to if you can. Find your outlet. It might be different from what you usually do. When I recently went through a trauma, it shut down my ability to enjoy or engage with any of my usual outlets and hobbies for quite a while. I had to find new ways to express myself and occupy my time.

I also didn't want to feel my feelings for a long time because they were too raw, strong, unpleasant. But once I did, recovery came much quicker.

But, self care? Naps. Sleep heals. Long walks. Give yourself permission to do nothing and be unproductive.

Within arm's reach, what is an object you are grateful for?

This dog. It's the one I love but don't like. He is a stressful dog, but I love him and I am grateful for him.

gopher://tilde.town/0/%7edozens/feels/20200802.txt

Also this wrench. This is an adjustable wrench and multi-tool I bought to work on my bike, and that was.. 4 bikes ago? I've had it a long time. I've taken bikes apart and put them together, added racks and baskets and removed them. This wrench has saved my hide out in the middle of nowhere when I've had to remove a tire to fix a flat. It is a handy, trusty tool that has served me well. I pulled it out this weekend to take the couch apart and put it back together in a different configuration.

I don't like it more than my dog. But I am grateful for it.

Did someone end their friendship with you because you not only knew something they didn't, but delivered citations, evidence, and references to prove your assertion? What % of people in your life count you as a friend as long as you massage their egos and not teach them anything?

Wow, no. But I was fearful of something like that this fall. There was a family wedding, and the couple refused to postpone. It was a whole thing. They ultimately went through with it anyway. It was very irresponsible and reckless, and I hated it. We made it through, relationships intact. Miraculously I don't think anybody got sick. Because they sure didn't take any precautions.

I did lose a friend though recently to their impenetrable ego. Nothing so dramatic as what you describe. I just bit by bit became more intolerant of their narcissism and lies. Luckily they were already kind of moving on in another direction in their life, and I allowed us to just drift apart.

I don't really mess with high maintenance friendships, which may be shallow and unfair of me.

In fact, I was recently ranting, raving, and rambling about how only persistent love can drive out ignorance and hate:

Re: Opinions (zero)

I don't know what the balance is between obligation to others and obligation to yourself. It feels like the world is more siloed and more divided than ever, and it feels more than ever to try to bridge those divides. But you can only do so much. And you mustn't try to help, fix, or improve people at the cost of your own well being.

Wrap up

Wow, tough of batch of questions this round. Hope everybody's doing okay out there.

✌️💚