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Annie McKee
March 23, 2015
Yes, we all hate meetings. Yes, they are usually a waste of time. And yes, they
re here to stay. So it s your responsibility as a leader to make them better.
This doesn t mean just make them shorter, more efficient, more organized.
People need to enjoy them and, dare I say it, have fun.
Happiness matters a lot at work how could it not, when many of us spend most
of our waking hours there. The alternatives chronic frustration, discontent,
and outright hatred of our jobs are simply not acceptable. Negative feelings
interfere with creativity and innovation, not to mention collaboration. And let
s face it meetings are, for the most part, still where lots of
collaboration, creativity, and innovation happen. If meetings aren t working,
then chances are we re not able to do what we need to do.
So how do we fix meetings so they are more enjoyable and produce more positive
feelings? Sure, invite the right people, create better agendas, and be better
prepared. Those are baseline fixes. But if you really want to improve how
people work together at meetings, you ll need to rely on and maybe develop a
couple of key emotional intelligence competencies: empathy and emotional
self-management.
Why empathy? Empathy is a competency that allows you to read people. Who is
supporting whom? Who is pissed off and who is coasting? Where is the
resistance? This isn t as easy as it seems. Sometimes, the smartest resisters
often look like supporters, but they re not supportive at all. They re smart,
sneaky idea-killers.
Carefully reading people will also help you understand the major, and often
hidden conflicts in the group. Hint: These conflicts probably have nothing to
do with the topics or decisions being made at the meeting. It is far more
likely to be linked to very human dynamics like who is allowed to influence
whom: headquarters vs. the field; expats vs. local nationals; and power
dynamics between men and women, and among people of various races.
Empathy lets you see and manage these power dynamics. Many of us would like
to think that these dynamics and office politics, in general are beneath
us, unimportant, or just for those Machiavellian folks we all dislike.
Realistically, though, power is hugely important in groups because it is the
real currency in most organizations. And it plays out in meetings. Learning to
read how the flow of power is moving and shifting can help you lead the meeting
and everything else.
Keep in mind that employing empathy will help you understand how people are
responding to you. As a leader you are, possibly, the most powerful person at
the meeting. Some people, the dependent types, will defer at every turn. That
feels good, for a minute. Carry on that way and you re likely to create a
dependent group or one that is polarized between those who will do anything
you want and those who will not.
This is where emotional self-management comes in, for a couple of reasons.
First, take the dependent folks in your meetings. Again, it can feel really
good to have people admire you and agree with your every word. In fact, this
can be a huge relief in our conflict-ridden organizations. But if you don t
manage your response, you will make group dynamics worse, as I mentioned above.
You will also look like a fool. Others are reading the group, too, and they
will rightly read that you like it when people go along with you. They will see
that you are falling prey to your own ego or those who want to please or
manipulate you.
Second, strong emotions set the tone for the entire group. We take our cue from
one another about how to feel about what s going on around us. Are we in
danger? Is there cause for celebration? Should we be fed up and cynical or
hopeful and committed? Here s why this matters in meetings: If you, as a
leader, manage your more positive emotions, such as hope and enthusiasm, others
will mirror these feelings and the general tone of the group will be marked
by optimism and a sense of we re in this together, and we can do it. And,
there is a strong neurological link between feelings and cognition. We think
more clearly and more creatively when our feelings are largely positive, and
when we are appropriately challenged.
The other side of the coin is obvious. Your negative emotions are also
contagious, and they are almost always destructive if unchecked and unmanaged.
Express anger, contempt, or disrespect and you will definitely push people into
fight mode individually and collectively. Express disdain, and you ll
alienate people far beyond the end of the meeting. And it doesn t matter who
you feel this way about. All it takes if for people to see it and they will
catch it and worry that next time your target will be them.
This is not to say that all positive emotions are good all the time or that you
should never express negative emotions. The point is that the leader s emotions
are highly infectious. Know this and manage your feelings accordingly to create
the kind of environment where people can work together to make decisions and
get things done.
It may go without saying, but you can t do any of this with your phone on. As
Dan Goleman shares in his book Focus, we are not nearly as good at multitasking
as we think we are. Actually we stink at it. So turn it off and pay attention
to the people you are with today.
In the end, it s your job to make sure people leave your meeting feeling pretty
good about what s happened, their contributions, and you as the leader. Empathy
allows you to read what s going on, and self-management helps you move the
group to a mood that supports getting things done and happiness.
Annie McKee is a senior fellow at the University of Pennsylvania, director of
the PennCLO Executive Doctoral Program and the founder of the Teleos Leadership
Institute. She is the author of Primal Leadership with Daniel Goleman and
Richard Boyatzis as well as Resonant Leadership and Becoming a Resonant Leader.