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Taming the toxic office grumbler

Chana R Schoenberger

Q. A mid-level professional at the company I run is constantly complaining

about her job. Her performance is acceptable, but she comes to me with an

unending stream of gripes about working conditions, and often involves her

colleagues by copying them on complaining emails to me. What can I do to get

her to stop poisoning the atmosphere?

A. There are two problems here. One is your complaining employee, and the other

could be you.

Every office has at least one squeaky wheel that makes noise about everything

from the quality of the coffee in the break room to the company s

expense-reimbursement policies. Typically, this person is never happy with

working conditions and will move on to a fresh grievance as soon as management

addresses an old one.

Such a person can create a toxic atmosphere in the office. For one, they rope

in colleagues who would never complain on their own. They can also create mass

dissatisfaction that destabilise your workforce. A drumbeat of negativity gets

in the way of everyone s performance.

The first step is to consider your role as the manager in this situation. Let s

assume that you are a decent and ethical boss who wants your people to work in

a friendly environment, at least comfortable enough so they will be content to

stay.

First, consider whether your complaining employee is the canary in the coal

mine, says Stevenson Carlebach, president of Eque LLC, a

communication-effectiveness consulting firm in Connecticut in the US. Since

employees tend to take a positive tack with the boss, managers usually think

everything is going well it also means they believe their staff likes them

more than they actually do. It s possible that the complainer is in fact the

only one who is telling it like it is.

Talk to employees you trust to tell you the truth, Carlebach says. Ask them

what is accurate about the complainer s comments. Then go back to the

complainer and ask her to help you address those specific problems.

Simultaneously ask her to acknowledge when you ve fixed something she flagged,

as well as existing good points about working in the office.

Another point to consider is whether you are successfully making your employee

feel that you are listening to her. When people don t feel heard, they tend to

repeat themselves, often increasingly loudly and stridently, Carlebach says.

If I were the boss here, I would assume that part of cause of the endless

complaints is my not having demonstrated sufficiently that I heard the speaker.

It s normal to address complaints by trying to get the other person to see the

situation your way. Since you don t see the same problems she sees you think

the coffee is just fine, you don t agree that the expense policy needs to be

changed she might feel that you are just trying to get her to shut up. Sit

down with the complainer and make sure that she hears that you take her

concerns seriously, Carlebach says.

Be careful to avoid making your employee feel as though you blame her. (Of

course you blame her. Just don t show it.) The key is to make her understand

how her constant complaints are impacting you and the rest of the office, while

simultaneously reassuring her that you believe she has good intentions.

Carlebach suggests phrasing it this way: When you send emails complaining

about working conditions and copy your colleagues, I feel undermined. I worry

that a negative perspective can become infectious and I don t want everyone to

be focused only on what s not working. At the same time, I m sure that you have

good intentions my guess is that you have real concerns and are trying to

address them.

Then request, politely, that she bring her concerns to you first without

copying others on emails, and that she try to recognise what s good about life

in your office. Surely not every aspect of her workplace is unpleasant.

What if your inquiries confirm that she is the only one on your team who sees

these problems? In that case, her efforts to spread unhappiness around your

workplace could be more detrimental to the team than having her is worth. If

you think her pot-stirring undermines office morale and productivity more than

her mediocre job performance raises it, you may want to consider easing her off

of your team. The rest of your team will thank you.