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Falling in love costs you friends

By Jonathan Amos Science correspondent, BBC News

Falling in love comes at the cost of losing two close friends, a study says.

We probably all know that a passionate new relationship can leave you little

time for others, but now science has put some numbers on the observation.

Oxford University researchers asked people about their inner core of

friendships and how this number changed when romance entered the equation.

They found the core, which numbers about five people, dropped by two as a new

lover came to dominate daily life.

"People who are in romantic relationships - instead of having the typical five

[individuals] on average, they only have four in that circle," explained Robin

Dunbar, a professor of evolutionary anthropology at Oxford.

"And bearing in mind that one of those is the new person that's come into your

life, it means you've had to give up two others."

The research, which has only recently been submitted for publication, was

presented to the British Science Festival at Aston University.

Professor Dunbar's group studies social networks and how we manage their size

and composition.

He has previously shown that the maximum number of friends it is realistically

possible to engage is about 150. On the social networking site Facebook, for

example, people will typically have 120-130 friends.

This number can be divided into progressively smaller groups, with an inner

clique numbering between four and six.

These are people who we see at least once a week; people we go to at moments of

crisis. The next layer out are the people we see about once a month - the

"sympathy group". They are all the people who, if they died tomorrow, we would

miss and be upset about.

In the latest study, the team questioned 540 participants, aged 18 and over,

about their relationships and the strain those relationships came under when a

new romantic engagement was started.

The results confirmed the widely held view that love can lead to a smaller

support network, with typically one family member and one friend being pushed

out to accommodate the new lover.

"The intimacy of a relationship - your emotional engagement with it -

correlates very tightly with the frequency of your interactions with those

individuals," observed Professor Dunbar.

"If you don't see people, the emotional engagement starts to drop off, and

quickly.

"What I suspect happens is that your attention is so wholly focussed on your

romantic partner that you just don't get to see the other folks you have a lot

to do with, and therefore some of those relationships just start to deteriorate

and drop down into the layer below."