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dsfadsfgafgf - Thu 22 Jul 2021 - The Variants I have known
Mainly concerning an irritating itch around the rectum. On the odd occasion it means someone is talking about your Arse especially the rusty Sheriffs badge area. Latterly attributed to a lack of Bog roll.
Needs no explanation. Can be highly off putting during after dinner speeches.
Just utterly utterly *untish. If in doubt take two Cunty-Mints per hour. Or chow down on one Ginger snatch. This variate was first identified amongst Tesco staff in the British isles.
Mainly concerning an irritating itch around the *Old Chap*. On the odd occasion it means someone is talking about your wedding tackle. Many old men where arrested before the variant was identified scratching was mistaken for lewd behaviour. (See Wanker variant)
Mainly causes fatigue and inexorable gibberish. Prevalent in Government pedantry's. A vocal issuance of Corporate terms of art is a sure sign.
Same as Arsehole Variant except also issues around foul odour. Could draw Mud but rare.
See all of the above and yesterdays scientific study posted at http://yourastupid.tit and http://youllbedeadintwoyears.rip
In rare cases where no Television or internet increased the sense of doom and gloom. Death shortly follows after a prolonged period of life upwards of eighty years.
See all of the above.
Highly contagious. Death by Vaccination soon follows.
Justified Ancients of Moo Moo. Mainly effecting club goers, there are no known effects.
See Arsehole Variant, Flatulent Variant turned up to 11.
See Gullible Idiot Variant, Jabbernowl Variant and idiot Variant. Thought to be caused by constant hand sanitising wearing a mask and shielding behind flimsy clear plastic whilst being *double Jabbed* at the same time.
You are here.
Obeying *authority* without question is a sure sign you have it. Also see *Moron Capitulation Variant*
Obeying an Obsequious fawning fool means you have it.
Most peculiar variant of them all. Reports of spontaneous Mincing and Cottaging without provocation can be quite alarming. First identified amongst the priest class.
Like the Arsehole Variant but with a smaller hole, a burning ring piece and Hot Hot Mud. Not to be used for a facial works wonders on wilting Roses allegedly.
Feeling rather stupid having being tricked into taking the *Jab* this variant can be quite embracing and even deadly.
Causes irritating memory for statistics and R number jibber-jabber.
Many find themselves amused by *The Greasy strangler* until the jollity runs out and a Butter like substance leaks uncontrollably from ever orifice. Death is assured.
Turns victim into a dribbling idiot, often seen following faded lines on the floor. Robbers drew chalk arrows on the floor and led these poor idiots to a jolly good mugging.
Constant urge to masturbate often confused with the *DickHead variant* Spunky smelling residue around the eye lids and little finger.
Or Variant X as it is know. Feeling like you have a target on your back is quite normal also a feeling of isolation and being Golden like buried treasure.
Your Variant also known as *the Blame variant*. It's always someone else fault you have it and it's always someone else's fault.
Speaks for it's self. The film *Variant Z* was a direct result. Flopped at the box office and panned for it's tasteless and unfunny depiction of Zebras.