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_____________________________ST JOHN KARP_____________________________
__________________Ramblings of an Ornamental Hermit___________________
2020-01-14
Is this the Troma movie with the penis monster? Is it the one with the penis monster?? No, alas, but "The Toxic Avenger" (1984) delivers all the Troma pencil-necks, meat-heads, sissies, bimbos, and crotch-punches that you've come to expect from this studio. And for a Troma movie it's surprisingly high budget, what with all the tanks and people on fire. They really made this one a classy production.
Melvin before he becomes the Toxic Avenger
Melvin, winner of the Most Realistic Teeth Competition.
The Toxic Avenger is Melvin, one of the pencil-necks who works mopping up bodily fluids at the horniest gym in the world. Some bullies trick him into kissing a sheep (you had to be there), so he jumps out the window into a vat of toxic waste (you had to be there) and transforms into a mutant superhero who goes around making burglars into ice-cream sundaes (you had to be there) and helping grannies across the street.
The toxic waste melted his eye and did $3,000 worth of orthodontic improvements.
The horniest gym in the world.
Finally, the answer we've all been waiting for: everywhere! Because it takes place in the horniest gym, there's basically hunx everywhere. Sure, they might be psychotic and wind up with a their hands in a chip fryer, but lookit we can't be picky. Even the Toxic Avenger himself has some nice buns. He's got a slight case of melty-face, but I'll put up with that for some decent pecs.
And if you like 'em femme, we got the guys for you! From thugs in drag to sissies oohing and ahhing over the boys in the National Guard, this movie's got 'em all. Even... this guy?
Seriously, what is this even. Sexy clown? Zardoz impression? I don't know why the men I date never wear anything like this.
"People can't go around doing things just because they're right."
Classic Troma from start to finish — never boring, completely grotesque, and loads of fun.
