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Low Self Esteem Issue 19
The Revival Issue
Written By: Parker Lewis
Sep. 28th, 1997
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� Issues of LSE can be found at: �
� �
� FTP: FTP.EText.Org/pub/Zines/LowSelfEsteem �
� WWW: WWW.GeoCities.Com/SouthBeach/3640/ �
� Usenet: Alt.Support.Depression Alt.Life.Sucks Alt.Zines Alt.Binary.Zines �
� Email: Parker_Lewis@HotMail.Com �
� �
� If your interested in writing something for LSE, send it in to the email �
� address listed above. �
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Disclaimer: LSE contains subject matter which may offend some people, LSE may
also cause depression, disorientation and suicidal tendencies, continue rea-
ding at your own will.
Section 1: Before I Begin
Section 2: Beginning of a new School Year
Section 3: Loser/Nerd/Reject Movies Part 1
Section 4: Hypericum after a Week
Section 5: Book Review
Section 6: Coping with What I Have
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Section 1: Before I Begin �
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As of this issue, you will notice a significant change in the articles I
write, future articles will be more 'positive', I won't be writing anything
that expresses anger or hatred, I'll also be cleaning up my language, no more
swearing, LSE will become more inspirational and positive, I've become tired
of reading and writing negativity, it's time to break away from that hell,
I have a choice, continue writing hateful articles and feeling like crap, or
try to write more hopeful, inspiring articles, and feel better, I choose to
feel better. This isn't going to change a lot of LSE, I'll still write about
feelings like sadeness, loneliness and self-esteem, I'm just not going to
write any more aggressive hateful articles, my articles will be more tame and
hopefully I can write some inspiring, hopeful articles, I can TRY, don't know
if I'll have a lot of success. Anyways I'm going to give this "positive"
change a chance, if it doesn't work out well, then I'll be returning to my
old style, I really hope that it works out though. In other news, I decided
to visited Alt.Life.Sucks & Alt.Support.Depression this weekend, it wasn't a
good idea, it got me really disoriented and depressed, of course, what was I
expecting? I don't really know if I should post this issue on Alt.Life.Sucks,
this issue is probably a bit "too happy" for all those glum folks at ALS,
yeah, I think I'm going to avoid ALS with this issue, I'm going to try post-
ing it in Alt.Zines, and see what happens, it probably won't be well received
there, but who knows...
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Section 2: Beginning of a new School Year �
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Another school year has started, the first few couple of days are always
scary, you never know who your classmates and teachers are going to be, you
always pray that there will be someone in your class that you know from the
previous year, so you won't be completely lost, eventually after a few days,
the routine sets in and you start to get used to it. A new class also means
that you have a chance to create a new 'image' of yourself, if you choose to.
When I started school this year, that feeling of dread, which I hadn't felt
for months, came back to haunt me, that feeling of being lost in the crowd of
hundreds of others students, standing out like an old 286 in a room full of
Pentiums. All through out the day, I look forward to the end of school, I
occupy myself with a good book in between classes and time seems to pass by
faster. I don't know most of my classmates this year, there are some people
that were in my class last year, but they're not really friends, anyways, it
doesn't really matter, I've been getting along fine as a loner.
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Section 3: Loser/Nerd/Reject Movies Pt.1 �
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The following is a list of nerd/loser/etc. movies, I haven't watched most of
these movies, those that I have seen, I'll be rating them on a scale of 1 to
3 starts, one star means the movie wasn't that good, two stars means it was
ok and three stars means it's excellent. The movies are from 1980 up.
Feature Films:
Title: Year: Rating:
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976-Evil 1988
Assault of the Party Nerds 1989
Amy and the Angel 1982
Baby Love 1983
Battle of the Bullies 1985
Boxing Helena 199? ***
Bride of Killer Nerd 1991
Can't Buy Me Love 1987
Cave Girl 1985 *
Clarence 1991
Class Reunion 198? * *
Doin' Time on Planet Earth 1988
Equinox 199? * *
Fraternity Vacation 1985
High School USA 1984
Killer Nerd 1991
Las Vegas Weekend 1985
Luther the Geek 1990
Meuriel's Wedding 1995 * *
Mutants in Paradise 1988
Pump up the Volume 199? ***
Revenge of the Nerds 1984
Revenge of the Nerds 2 1987
Revenge of the Nerds 3 1992
Slaughter High 1986
The Best Legs in the 8th Grade 1984
The Rapture 199? ***
Weird Science 1985 *
Documentaries:
Title: Year: Rating:
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Adolescent Depression & Suicide 1988
Depressed Patient 1980
Depression/Stress 1989
Depression: Beyond the Darkness 1990
Life Matters: Depression 1991
Pain of Shyness 1985
Taking Control of Depression 19??
Taking Control of Depression:
Mending the mind 19??
Too Shy to Try 1982
Victory over depression 1982
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Section 4: Hypericum after a Week �
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I've been taking hypericum for one week now, I've felt that my level of de-
pression has gone down a bit, it has had most of an impact on my sleep, be-
fore I started taking hypericum, I would always take from 2 to 4 hours to
fall asleep, I'm now about to fall asleep in half an hour, I can now also
take naps during the afternoon and still be able to sleep well at night, it
does make you sleep more, yesterday (Saturday) I slept for about 12 hours, it
enhances the experience when I'm meditating, I'm able to be more comfortable
around people, I also don't get that feeling of dread every morning. Usually
your supposed to give it 6 weeks before evaluating your progress, after a
week, I can tell you that it is working, I tend to see more of the positive
side of things then the negative, and I seem to have happier thoughts. Other
then the occasional drowsiness during the day, I haven't felt any other nega-
tive side effects.
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Section 5: Book Review �
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Title: Beyond the Light
Author: P.M.H. Atwater
Category: Non-Fiction - Inspirational
Back cover Description:
Author P.M.H Atwater knows what it's like to die. And the experience so
changed her life that she has devoted years to researching the phenomenon
of the Near-Death Experience. From her own encounter with life-after-death
and from interviews with hundreds of others, she presents this remarkable
and reassuring vision into a world beyond the one we know.
My Opinion:
This is a great book, I've read it 3 times, and every time I read it, it
always inspires me and makes me feel better, the author, who has had 3 near
death experiences, dedicates herself to the study of NDE (near-death exper-
ience), she interviews hundreds of near-death survivors, and writes about
some of their as well as her own experiences into the afterlife. The book
is divided into three sections: Aspects of Near-Death, Aftereffects and Im-
plications of Near-Death and Steps Beyond. The author offers us glimpses
of heaven as well as hell, both good and bad experiences, she also tells us
of the aftereffects of such an experience, how people make dramatic changes
to their life styles, the physical and mental effects on the person, and so
on. The author shows us results of her research and interviews with several
of the ND survivors, as well as the methods she uses in her research. In-
cluded is a chapter that tries to scientifically tackle the enigma of NDE
and a chapter offering information on where we could find more information
on this phenomena.
"Atwater is among this field's best researches. Her book reflects her hon-
esty and devotion to science. It provides a comprehensive overview of near-
death research, skillfully combining science, religion, metaphysics, and
her own research, synthesizing the entire field"
-- Melvin Morse, M.D
I couldn't have said it better Melvin, the final quote of this issue comes
from this book.
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Section 6: Coping with What I Have �
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I have come to realize that I can never be as happy as the normal person,
I'll probably never find someone who loves me, I probably will never be as
successful as others, but in my own special way I have found some happiness,
going outside at night, laying down on the grass and staring at the enormous
sky, or going for a walk in the dark, the streets silent, except for the
sound of crickets, walking in the rain, listening to a thunderstorm in the
comfort of your room, taking 2am showers with a candle offering the only
source of light, incense burning, listening to relaxing music, watching the
steam rise from your body, spending time playing with my dog, reading a good
book, or watching a good movie, and taking a nice relaxing nap after a ex-
hausting day, these are some of the things that bring me happiness. I've de-
cided that I'm going to live a silent, peaceful, humble and simple life, I'm
not going to stress myself out to try and become the richest, most popular,
or smartest man, I'll find a decent and honest job, and just be happy with
the littlest things in life which we take for granted.
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Before I wrap up this issue, I'd like to send out some greetings:
Sarah - Your always an inspiration, keep up the good work with the web page.
Moonhawk - Cool "Kramer" hairdoo :)
Quote of the Day: "I have no fear of death, actually looking forward to going
home when God calls, and yearn to be able to assure others
of the reality of the beauty and joy of heaven, for my ex-
perience remains as vivid and convincing today as when it
happened. I tell others simply: The best is yet to come!"
--P.M.H. Atwater "Beyond the Light"