💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › IR › ir124.txt captured on 2021-12-04 at 18:04:22.
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SWEET FUCKING CHRIST! THE HOODLUMS OF THE IMPULSE BRING UNTO YOU...
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____ ____ ____
_I_R_ | || |\ \
M E | || |/____/ When Hot Sauce Attacks
P A | || |\ \ ir file number 124
U L |____||____| |____| released 5.4.01
L I | || |\| | by Twisted Faith
S T |____||____| |____| we're just fucking with your mind.
E Y even_god_reads_it
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-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
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Note:I can't spell, deal with it
It was a cool April afternoon and I was just sitting
at home playing on B.net and my friend penicillin called.
He said that his mom just bought this killer ass hot
scause from some voodoo shop. He said that on the
back it said it could get the grease off the drive
way and get the rust spots off of your iron bathtub.
He went on and on and I said it was just a gag, nobody
would sell something like that
He said that he'll bring it to school the next day and
I could try it for myself and see if it was real or not,
I said sure.
The next day I got a ride to school and was hanging around
the vending machines and up pulls Penicillin. He throws me
this little bottle that says something like Hotter then hell hot sauce.
He says read the back, so I do, and it says
something like this.
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*********** |
**WARNING** |
*********** |
People with bad hearts|
or weak stomach lining|
and also pregent women|
shouldn�t take this |
in any form. |
|
Can Also be used to: |
1)Remove grease stains|
off of your drive way.|
2)Disinfect anything. |
3)Clean rust off of |
steel and iron tools. |
4)Remove paint from |
walls. |
5)Removes dead skin. |
And living skin with |
ease. |
|
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I said that he must of gotten' this form some gag shop,
and he said that if I was so sure that I should try it,
I said that maybe around lunch time I might take him up
on his offer.
Lunch time comes around and Dark Issues, Bob Dollon,
Penicillin and I are all sitting around our table and
penicillin takes out the little bottle. Dark Issues say
that he just sniffed it and it burnt his noise. Bob Dollon
and I where like we can handle anything, besides its fake.
Penicillin busts out with saying that his mother really
got it a some voodoo shop and that hes not going to take
any responsibility for us if we take it. Bob Dollon grabs
it and say its just a load of shit, this stuff wont even
effect me. So he opens the cap and sniffs it, and when he
pulls his head back up his eyes ate all watery. He says,
eh, doesn�t mean anything its just a little to much for
my eyes, watch this. As he says that he put some of the
hot sauces in the cap of a soda bottle, then drank it.
See, nothing a matter with me he says. Then I say, hay
let me try its stuff, so I dip my beef stick in the
bottle and and countue to eat the beef stick with the
hot sauce on it.
30 Secants later and Bob Dollon looks at me, he's eyes
watery and his face getting very red, he starts to try
to speak but all that comes out is screaming. I look
away and look at Penicillin�s face, he has this smile
on his face thatsay I told you so.
Both Bob and myself are screaming, and run to the front
of the lunch line throwing money at her to give us milk
and bread, this being the end of lunch she only has a
very small amount on hand and Bob and myself buy it all.
Him and I are gargling with milk and spitting it out,
we are grabbing for our throgs. Bob starts to cough and
then starts to cough blood, he then sneezes and blood
starts to drip out his noise. I scream "oh my god how
much did you take?" I then take a drink of my milk and
cough, I then notice that my milk has a red tint to it.
I notice the smell of blood coming from my noise and we
both freak out. He's poiting to his hand with blood on
it and I�m screaming looking at him think that I look
the same. Then the bell rings for us to go in, and trying
not to be babies we walking into our separate classes.
I don't know what happen to him, but I spent the rest of
that period drooling in te back of the class on my desk.
I couldn't speak, I could hardly breath. The lining to my
mouth was so raw and fleshy, my gums had all started to
bleed a little. When the period was over I stumbled out
and walked by the office, I looked in and noticed that
Bob was sitting in the chair with a bloody paper taoil
on his face. He had drank more then I did, allot more.
He went home that day. After that I went to the bath room to
clean myself up. I looked into the mirror and my eyes
were blood shot and my lower lip was blood stained.
I cracked a small smile and my gums were all bloody.
I left the bathroom and went home.
later that night I pealed some skin off my toung and
brushed my teeth, skin and blood came out of my mouth
and the mint feeling lit up my mouth and made it feel
so cold. I didn't eat or drink anything for 3 days.
And for Bob, well, Did you ever see the episode of
the Simpsons where Homer ate that Insane Isomlam Chill...
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OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! IT WAS ANOTHER FUCKING IR FILE MAN!
Copyright (c) 2001 IMPULSE REALITTY PRESS - http://ir.phonelosers.net
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