💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › IR › ir100.txt captured on 2021-12-04 at 18:04:22.
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SWEET FUCKING CHRIST! THE HOODLUMS OF THE IMPULSE BRING UNTO YOU...
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IMPULSE REALITY PRESS ONE HUNDREDED - RELEASED 1/17/2001 HOLY SHIT DUDES!@%
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-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
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HI BUDDY!@# As you are probably already aware, this is the uber-elite
IMPULSE REALITY ISSUE 100! What does this mean to some lame-ass nobody like
you? Well, let's ask our monk friend here...
_=_
q(-_-)p ESSENTIALLY, THE CENTENNIAL ISSUE OF THE REALATIVE IMPULSE
'_) (_` MEANS THAT YOU, THE BIG DUMB READER, HAS SUFFERED THROUGH ONE
/__/ \ HUNDRED TEXTFILES OF COMPLETELY RANDOM CRAP THAT PUSHES THE
_(<_ / )_ BOUNDARIES OF ABSOLUTE CRAP TO A WHOLE NEW (LOWER) LEVEL!
(__\_\_|_/__) HOLY SHIT DUDES!@$#%
Now that our monkish friend has broken his vowe of silence to explain
it to you, we can move on to the REAL purpose of this text file...
BIG AMERICAN PARTY TIME!!!!!111!!1!!11
That's right! It's time to GO CRAZY and let it all hang out. In the
textfile sense. REALLY! Because this is what IMPULSE REALITY is all about:
NOT REALLY MAKING SENSE!!!! GET IT?!?
See? I'm just typing STUFF in at RANDOM & not stringing any of these
ideas together at all!$# I DON'T EVEN THINK THAT SENTENCE MADE SENSE! See how
WACKY we are???? But YOU'RE still reading it because you are fucking STUPID
man!!!!!1111!!1!!11!1
ANYWAY, WE HERE AT IR FEEL YOU DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT US! (isnt using all
caps annoying kinda like when you dont use punctuation or anything and every
thing runs together making for a choppy read but its all RAW man RAW like our
mind so we keep on going because thats how we FEEL and we all want to FEEL
something even if all we can FEEL is PAIN right)
ANYWAY!!!!! We here at IR feel you don't know enough about us, so
here's the INSIDE SCOOP on us dudes, dude!!!!111!1!!1
-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
linear
-oOo-
1st IR issue: #001, "Conflagration, Jr. High"
Quote:
"Weak things have power.
Only the truly weak are free of
the temptation to dominate, to harm.
That is why democracy is about weakness,
why it is to the weak we turn for help
when we are beaten, condemned.
That is why poems continue
like the air."
(1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?
I grew up with a computer, I was always on it. It wasn't until about
6th grade though, that I discovered the internet... or rather, AOL. Yes, I
was an AOL WaReZ child! I'll admit it, but I'm not proud. Through AOL, I
found out all about this WaCkY underground culture. And I liked it. So I
decided to overstay my welcome, and here I am today.
(2) What do you like?
I like writing. I like being able to manipulate people without anyone
realizing it (oop! I've said to much). I like my girlfriend. And I like
ezines (like HOE!). I'm very into punk/indie/emo music. I like orgasms. I'm
quite fond of listing things I like. I like humor. I like phreaking and the
computer underground. I like criticizing movies. I like poetry. I like
philosophy. I like Buddhism! Most of all, I like YOU.
(3) Do you have any goals?
Eventually I want to become a teacher (I want to corrupt the minds of
the nation's youth). But mainly, I want to someday be able to say that I've
done something SO COOL that it's rendered me IMMORTAL. But in the meantime,
I want to inspire, or at least offend a lot of people.
(4) What does IR mean to you?
Impulse Reality is a handful of writers who have nothing better to do
(and no other place to do it now that HOE is dead). But for
me, it's also a very good way to vent. I usually write when I'm in a
particularly bad mood, because it's the only real means I have to express
emotion (even though half the time when I am mad, I write happy/humorous
stories with no point, but that's beside the point).
(5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including non-staff
writers)
I've heard nawleed is a fine piece of ass.
-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
nawleed
-oOo-
1st IR issue: #012, "a poem"
Quote: No. I refuse to put a quote here. Fuck you.
(1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?
I keep tellin' y'all, I don't really consider myself "involved" in the
"computer underground," whatever the hell that is. Uh, but as for
ezines, I was introduced to 'em through (WHAT ELSE?) cDc, and I forget
what happened after that.
(2) What do you like?
I like typical nerdy kid stuff like reading and music. I also like
movies, but I haven't seen very many good ones. Uh, I also like
sleeping. Maybe that's too obvious.
(3) Do you have any goals?
I have this strange feeling that I'll die pretty young, so I haven't
set many goals for myself. I will most likely go to college, after
which I will have a series of boring jobs, followed by retirement and
death.
(4) What does IR mean to you?
IR is a stupid god-damned ezine that doesn't really matter at all. It
also, taken in a different context, can mean other things, which I'm
not going to attempt to list, because it'd be pretty pointless.
(5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including
non-staff writers)
I suppose that by "SCORE WITH," you are referring to coitus, the
physical act of love. In that case, I would like to "SCORE WITH"
Ardillita, if for no other reason than that she is linear's
ex-girlfriend, and being with a girl who was with linear would turn me
on. Do you see the subtle joke there? That implies that I am gay! If
that isn't funny, I don't know what is.
-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
Xade
-oOo-
1st IR issue: #002, "Words Unheard 1.0"
Quote:
Life is but moments.. when you have lived a moment...
it is a moment passed; live each moment as if it were
your last.
(1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?
Well i dont know if any of the other kids had computers when i
was young.. but i always played games and messed around with
DOS commands on our 286/386/486's .. watched my dad mess with
computers and asked questions.. that's how it started and now
it's electronics, unix, linux... and i guess i just kinda
'became' a part of the 'underground and ezines' thing..
linear asked me to write for IR and i thought it might
be an interesting experience...
(2) What do you like?
writing, poetry, german, my pocketwatch, sea monkeys,
soldering, my scanner, computer, unix, linux, freebsd,
the colour orange, weightlifting, powerlifting, veggies,
scifi books, technical books, skating (love my skateboard!),
my guitar, bass, swing dancing, german music, bowling,
knee-high boots and knee-high socks (which i've had
forever.. all of a sudden someone famous starts wearing
them and it's trendy? wtf?! hehehe), being alive,
punk/hardcore/80s/swing/big band/classical or just
about anything i feel like listening too..
(3) Do you have any goals?
Planning to be a Comp Sci major.. want to go into unix/linux
system/network admin type stuff
(4) What does IR mean to you?
Outlet of expression.. finally i can direct my energy into
something and focus without limits or boundaries.. i have a
place to say whatever i want to say... whatever is on my mind
whatever it may be.. comedy/tragedy/drama/anything
(5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including
non-staff writers)
Well.. I dont know if linear or jaded are much for bowling...
but it would be pretty damn cool to play them.. then we'd
all score... or at least the winner could score with me...
hehehehe...
-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
Jaded
-oOo-
1st IR issue: #082, Gloomy Abyss
Quote:
I don't believe in America
Or the "American Dream"
I don't believe in nationalism
We're all the same
Until the rich old men who control the world find something
they can't have And they send us out there to kill each other,
let the rich fight their wars themselves
(1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines?
Ever since I was about 10 years old I have had a computer of
some kind in my posession. When I finally got internet access it was like
I opened a door to a different world. I was overwhelmed with the massive
amounts of information that I had at my fingertips. Since that day I have
been into the internet and all things connected to it, which would include
the computer underground and e'zines. linear took a large role in
introducing me to certain entities, such as the wonderful concept of zines.
(2) What do you like?
I really enjoy writing. It is a form of expression that has always
been my utmost favorite next to the internet. It's weird that just a few
scratches on a piece of paper (also known as words) can have any impact at
all. I like girls. And I especially like women with big breasts. I'm very
into my punk music. I like phreaking and mostly anything computer related.
More than anything else I like Xade in a shoebox of green jello wearing
nothing but her router.
(3) Do you have any goals?
I don't have many goals. More than anything I want to make my
impression on this society that is ours. Until then, I'll just do what I
can to "make my ancestors roll over in their graves".
(4) What does IR mean to you?
Impulse Reality is a way of life. The files that are submitted are
real in one way or another, whether it's an actual animate object or it just
dwells in the writer's mind. IR is a good way for me to express my feelings
in an indestructive way and maybe possibly give others some understanding to
how my twisted wacked out mind works, but I highly doubt it.
(5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including non-staff
writers)
Well, I think this question just kind of answers itself. Xade is by
far the hottest writer on the IR staff. So I think it goes without saying
that I'd mount /dev/Xade in a second.
-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
WASN'T THAT FUCKING ENTERTAINING?!?!?!?!?!?
IS THAT WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT WITH YOU? /ENTERTAINMENT/??
There's more to life than entertainment, folks. There's also love, !!
And we HOODLUMS of the IMPULSE really LOVE each and everyone of you. We don't
care that you're ugly, have no friends, probably fat, spend your life on a
computer, and masturbate chronically. We love you just the same. Why? Because
that's what the REALATIVE IMPUSLE is all about, folks. FEEL IT???
BUT HERE'S A MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION....
what is VIRTUE?
Are YOU virtuous? Do you LIVE A LIFE of virtue? Or have you already
condemned yourself????!?!?!
JUST KIDDING!@!$%$ We here at IR don't CARE about VIRTUE! We only
CARE about YOU, baby! So love us! Because hey, we LOVE you.
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OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! IT WAS ANOTHER FUCKING IR FILE MAN!
Copyright (c) 2001 IMPULSE REALITTY PRESS - http://ir.phonelosers.net
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