💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › IR › il-004.txt captured on 2021-12-04 at 18:04:22.
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$
s$ $
$ impulse lameality press no. 003 - at war with iR.
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$ $ "DON'T MESS WITH MY MONSTER!"
$ $ written by st0vbold
$ $ released 04/16/03
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We all know it. There's a monster under everybody's bed. In everybody's closet
along with the skeletons of a life hidden away from our beloved. But no matter
how hard we try, these monsters and skeletons will eventually come back to
haunt us. And that, my friends, is the reason why Impulse Reality's so-called
"war" will end as abruptly as it started.
I know I'm not the only one, who has had a huge furry monster underneath my
bed, since I was a little kid. We all have. Just look at the movie Monsters
Inc. That incredible piece of cinema showed us what we all have been afraid of
all of our lives. Monsters! Big hairy monsters. Small cuddly monsters. Every
kind of monster you could possibly imagine, and they made them look cute and
appealing to us all and not only the kids, whom the movie was aiming at. C'mon,
you've seen it too! And that brings me to my point. We all love huge furry
monsters now, don't we? Who would ever dream of killing the big green guy from
Monsters Inc? I know I couldn't make myself do such a horrible thing. And why
would I? The movies proved to us that monsters are needed in todays society.
Kids look up to them.
Admit it. There's a little monster hidden inside your pathetic organic shell
too. You're just afraid to let anybody know.
Deep down inside we are all monsters. We are all angstmonsters.
Hiding underneath children's beds.. Just waiting for the right time to jump out
and scream "BOO!"
So remember this, linear:
You are not only taking on a 'zine. You are taking on a belief. A religion. You
just started a holy war - Jihad.
A war you can never win.
Think about Frankenstein's monster. People practically declared him war as
well, trying to drive him off with torches and pointy sticks. They managed to
make him retreat into the castle and.. well, we all know this story. He just
sat there and wanked all day dreaming of a lovely wife, he could spend the rest
of his life with, and in the sequel; Bride of Frankenstein, well.. you guessed
it. He got laid - a thing you will NEVER try, because you're not a monster.
Face it, monsters rock, and monsters get all the chicks.
I could go on like this forever but I will end this little text now that I
believe I have made my point quite clear.
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the clever thing to do here would be to take it like a man.
(in the poop shoot, that is)
http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/il
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