💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › IR › il-002.txt captured on 2021-12-04 at 18:04:22.
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$
s$ $
$ impulse lameality press no. 002 - at war with iR.
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$ $ "Why I Take Up This Sword"
$ $ written by oregano
$ $ released 04/13/03
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You may be wondering why I have taken up sword in hand. No, you are
wondering more about my target. oregano, why are you taking up sword in hand
against linear? Isn't he your father?
I guess that is common knowledge that linear is my father, but let me tell
you about this father and ask yourself if you too would not take up sword
against him if you had the childhood that linear, my father, gave me.
Wait, before I do that, I should explain that "taking sword in hand" is a
metaphor for taking pen in hand and that "taking pen in hand" is a metaphor for
sitting at a keyboard and typing while I wait for a pizza and while I chat with
gir in another window.
Now that I mention gir, I should say he is not feeding me any lines, I come
to this war with clear heart and sound mind.
That is not quite true. I have been sick for about a week with the flu and
my head is a little foggy. In fact I should take some Tylenol soon to keep back
the pain that throbs and enrages me with hate.
Not really hate. Well, it is linear, how can you hate someone who
publishes one release a year, and 9 of the 12 files are written by him in
pre-masturbational zeal.
Anyway, here is the truth. When I was a child growing up in Anytown, USA,
linear use to make me fetch his cigarettes. But linear does not like normal
cigarettes, he likes cigarettes that were thrown into urinals and extinguished
with pee. He claims that the uric acid -- when the cigarettes are dried --
give them a twang that you cannot get anywhere else.
This is all too painful, why must I dredge up all these hateful memories
like how linear would not pay for a mattress and I used to have to live on a
couple of boards that he stole from a local demolition site, with rusty nails
protruding through. Or how linear would never play catch with me, and how when
once I asked too many times and he said "sure" and he got his pal Jeb and they
played catch using a 4 year old me, oregano, as the ball and over a lit
barbecue.
This is all too much to talk about, but this war is just and noble, linear
must be stopped, Impulse Reality needs to be taken down, even once a year is
too much. Linear has crossed over the line. United we can crush him and in
the same breath promote Impulse Lameality and its sister the mighty
Angstmonster, to new heights. Freedom for all. Down with the tyrant...
Oh, the pizza is here. Gotta go.
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the clever thing to do here would be to take it like a man.
(in the poop shoot, that is)
http://www.angstmonster.org/txt/il
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