💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ebooks › bofh › newbofh › bofh7may97.txt captured on 2021-12-04 at 18:04:22.
⬅️ Previous capture (2021-12-03)
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"I think it's time we looked at some of the newer technologies."
I can't believe my ears. The Boss buys new kit about as regularly as
Thatcher votes Labour. It was his idea to forget this Pentium nonsense
and get a job lot of XTs that he could acquire very cheaply. Fortunately
I'd got wind of it and managed to 'accidentally' let slip to the CEO
that the vendor was in fact the Boss's second cousin and the plan was
abandoned. Quite right too - I can't believe he didn't include my mark-
up in the equation.
However, since his spell on the hell-desk the Boss is a new man. His
mind is permanently alive to the possibility of a scam.
"There's a research lab having an open day," he said. "I think you
should go along and see what's new."
Actually, he may have said "steal what's new" - it's hard to tell since
his recent bastardisation.
A few days later, the PFY and I find ourselves on a train at an
unearthly hour of the morning chugging through the countryside with the
trusty false-bottomed suitcase at my feet.
We finally make it to the concrete research-park jungle and into the
show. As luck would have it, we're given a reconnaissance mission -
sorry, guided tour - before being let loose to find our own way around.
The tour is boring but at least the guide is too thick to see what we're
up to. Eventually we're left to our own devices (and some of theirs that
haven't been bolted down).
It's interesting to see the mass of toys scattered round, but my
attention is drawn to the myriad security staff lurking around the areas
where the smallest and most expensive gadgets live.
The first section seems to be about teleworking, something I relate to
since the Boss paid for SMDS to my living room.
"So, tell me about teleworking," I say enthusiastically to the young
suit on the ISDN gizmo stand.
"Well this unit enables you to connect invisibly to the office from
home. All the network protocols go down the line, looking just like
you're connected to the LAN," he gushes.
"Looks like an ISDN router to me."
"Er...yes it is. But it does have a nice blue box and extra flashing
lights."
I look at the box disdainfully - not even worth nicking.
"Anything else you'd like to try to convince me is new?"
"Well, we have a router on a PCMCIA card."
"Why?"
"So you can connect your laptop to the office network via a router
rather than a dial-in server."
"Why?"
"So that you don't have to install a dial-in server beside your
routers."
"Of course. Using an expensive router instead of a cheap dial-in server.
How economical."
My musings are interrupted by a nudge from the PFY. "They've got an
iris-reading authentication system like ours."
"Not quite - ours doesn't do semi-permanent damage to eye tissue and
isn't linked to the sprinkler system like theirs is."
There's still so much for him to learn.
The lunch is much better than expected, mainly because we skipped the
canteen and slipped into the VIP eating area instead. The card reader
takes mere moments to fine-tune so that it will accept our business
cards. Watching real VIPs attempt to gain access afterwards makes
interesting lunchtime entertainment, while ensuring that seconds are
available.
Suitably fortified by the chateaubriand and the rather decent claret we
are ready to tackle the rest of the exhibition. The false bottom of the
suitcase is only heavier by a bottle of excellent Cognac carelessly left
locked in a liquor cabinet.
Our progress is impeded by one of the security droids. While he's
telling me why we have to wait for access to the good stuff, the PFY
slopes off through the shadows.
Section six suddenly opens way ahead of schedule, allowing us to see
this power-free optical cell device.
"...so as you can see, there is no power cable to the base station,"
drones the techno-bore on the stand, obviously trying to figure the
intense interest in the video stream that's going down this seemingly
power-free network gizmo. "As you can see, we've put a gap here in the
fibre, so if I put this piece of card in the gap it'll cut the stream
off to prove that we're not cheating." He places the card in the gap and
turns to the screen for the first time to smugly point at the frozen
image. His expression turns into that of a man who has just encountered
a water buffalo in his jacuzzi.
"Debbie Does Dallas. Nice touch," I congratulate the PFY.
Time to make ourselves scarce...
Halfway to the corner pub, all hell breaks loose. Klaxons, fire engines,
people running from buildings, the whole caboodle.
The PFY's puzzlement is directly proportional to my smugness as I adopt
a leaning position at the bar.
"Five quid says the chairman of the US parent company has just been
required to iris-authenticate himself," I comment, noticing the water
pouring out of their office doorways...
"No bet," the PFY replies. "Pint?"
Funny business, this new technology...
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