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One thing that has been bugging me for some time is the continued
existence of the separate bean counter network.
The stripy shirt brigade took exception some time ago to the level of
support they were getting from us, and no matter how hard we try to make
them see the light, there's always some rebel faction which strives to
maintain at least some separate systems.
I can't understand it myself. We've put ourselves out for them over the
months, stress-testing their notebooks and all that. The anvil business
was a pure accident. And we still haven't figured how transactions with
the local bookie managed to get a paragraph all of their own in the
annual report, but I'm certain it wasn't Ops-induced.
Yet despite these tremendous efforts, the beancounters still insist that
they need their own technical department. What's worse is that they seem
to be making a decent fist of it. The guy they hired to run the network
does seem to have a strange attitude to users, though - he genuinely
believes that is duty to help them.
What's worse is his presence means that the accountants know the real
value of the all the kit we've been buying over the past few years. It
took some fancy footwork to ensure that the CEO didn't receive the
information that the multi-directional, electro-magnetic, mobile
communications devices that we'd billed at L1,200 were in fact cordless
phones that the PFY's mate was flogging off at knockdown prices down the
local market.
It's imperative that we bring the bean counters back into our domain for
good. Not only are we missing our 'bonuses' that comes as part of Cap.
Ex., but there are also rumblings around the building that other
departments are getting bright ideas about our support efforts.
Fortunately, our boss has a vicious streak in him since his brief spell
on the hell desk, so he's right behind us on this one. He's had it in
for the accounts department since his own expenses claim for the
'wherever you want' hostess service was rejected as a genuine business
expense.
It doesn't help that the bean counter's network manager is one of those
irritating individuals who walks around with a smug smile on his face
all the time. He looks like one of those alligators that you see when
you're cruising in the everglades, except with a slightly worse
complexion.
He guards his territory jealously, which presents something of a
challenge.
"I see your network's down again," he muses in passing.
The network accidentally crashed during an upgrade that we carrying out,
just before the big race was about to start. "It's amazing that people
are prevented from working on the network every time there's a race
meeting or big football match, isn't it?" He smiles knowingly.
"Yes, we're having a lot of trouble with bottlenecks," I find myself
saying, before politely slamming the door in his face and pouring
another Espresso.
A few days later I find myself 'broken down' in front of Smiley's car on
my way to my parking space. He leans on the horn, but my vehicle's
illness is looking terminal - or at least it is after I pocket one of
the spark plugs.
"I can't see what's wrong with it," I shout from under the bonnet.
"I'll go off and get help."
I know that the car park attendant is not likely to spring into action;
partly because he's about 90 and partly because I left him the tapes I
happened to have of the head of personnel talking to the deputy sales
manager about some new high performance techniques they wanted to try
out - in the hotel down the road.
"Quick," I shouted to the PFY. "We've only got a few minutes."
We know that the board meeting is about to start soon. A few minor
adjustments to the server and they're ready to roll.
Back in my own office, I switch on the audio-monitoring device - OK,
bug.
We hear the CEO's dulcet tones. "Now, I'd like to give you a
demonstration of our latest product. I'd like to thank the technical
whizz-kid in the financial department, Anthony, for his help in this
demo. I believe we have a live feed to our R&D labs."
Live feed, yes. R&D Labs, no. The 3.30 at Newbury, definitely. Gasps
from the board cause Smiley to be quickly summoned. His protests of
innocence are to no avail as security, having emerged happy (and in my
debt) from the car park attendant's hut, 'discover' the receipts for the
local racing service in his desk.
The CEO is soon announcing the disbanding of the finance network,
completely and for good. "I think I'd better bring network support back
under one roof - at least departments can't pursue their own activities
that way."
Networking - there are winners and there are losers. And I always seem
to get such good odds ...
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