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I discovered the MouSTer on Mastodon; It's a USB HID to DB9 adaptor that allows the use of USB mice and joypads on 8 & 16 bit computers. At the time of writing you can still get them on ebay:
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/324484015774?hash=item4b8cc1269e:g:GosAAOSwfhlgJYwo
I ordered one to test out:
By default they're setup for an Atari ST, so to use it on my Amiga I had to do a little bit of configuration, but the process is simple:
The MouSTer's firmware has been updated, but it's not yet been configured to work on the Amiga:
From here it's good to go.
Every mouse I've tried has worked with zero issues, even a cheapo wireless one with it's own wireless adaptor. I've tried a couple of USB joypads (XBox) and they work perfectly, as well! It's really quite remarkable.
So I guess that's the end of the road for my old tank mouse. I salute you, old mouse chum, and your fluffy mouse ball...