💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › Y0LK › y0lk-039… captured on 2021-12-05 at 23:47:19.
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y0lk number 39: creed is g0d, part one
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SETTING: it is 2046. creed, now ruler of the earth, is being interviewed by a
very old-looking connie chung. he is sitting in a director's chair,
looking cool, wearing a t-shirt that says "i phear m0gel."
chung: so... creed. you are the most affluent man alive, and you are loved by
all. the world regards you as a god. how do you feel about your
achievements?
creed: well connie, i kinda like it. being a living god is pretty cool. but
you would know that yourself, wouldn't you connie?
(laughs)
chung: how did you acquire the title "creed?" is it your given name?
creed: well, no. actually, i used to be a member of the late twentieth
century's "computer underground," now dead because of the
communications decency act, passed in 2014. when i heard the feds
were using lethal force to destroy the undergrounds, i dropped out
of that scene, like many others. but i lost a lot of friends in that
revolution.
chung: so you are actually an ex-criminal?
creed: well, not by my terms. i just published little computer magazines.
chung: hmm... and this is about when you started your music thing, correct?
creed: yeah, when i figured the computer thing was about over for me, i
decided that i needed a new hobby, i guess. so, i did what anyone
in my situation would have done. i started a rock band. y0lk.
chung: yes, y0lk. you released seven albums with them. how did you come up
with such an unusual name?
creed: uhm, y0lk was my little computer zine. and that was dead then, and
i liked the name, so i kept using it.
chung: and then came your famed "enlightenment." how did this come about?
creed: well, after the seventh album, the "rap" album, i became tired of
y0lk... and i was just disgusted at where it had taken me. so i
took out a hand-written compilation of my old computer zines, 400
of them, and started adding to them. i had this urge... i was
driven to continue releasing my old zines.
chung: how long did that last?
creed: well, i wrote 600 more issues by hand, and closed the book with
number 1000.
chung: the 1000 verses! you mean the modern world's bible is nothing
but a compilation of magazine articles... from the now-deceased
"computer underground?!"
creed: well, yeah... sorta. i mean, i didn't WANT it to be a bible... i just
published it as a stupid book-- i called it "creedisms" ...and after a
few years, "creedism" became a worldly religion... i didn't mean for
it to happen that way!
chung: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!@# get this moron out of my studio! you've made a
BIG MISTAKE, buster! revolution is at hand! prepare to be overthrown,
and die, by the hands of the people!
creed: huh?
<shouting and rioting is heard from outside>
creed: what the hell?! all i said was that--
<creed is carried away by a mob of people, chanting "y0lk sucks!" and waving
banners of all sorts>
T0 B3 C0N7!NU3D (if i really feel like it)
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.s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$${body}amp;s.
$ ## $ title $ author $
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$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
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