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                      |  |         |  |  __     |  |   <_  | Issue #:046
                     _|  |_       _|  |_|  |    |   \___/  | Date:04\26\96
                    |______|  () |_________| ()  \________/ ()               
                     _ / /                            \ \ _
                   / _ /     THE LONE GUNMEN Presents:  \ _ \                
                  | |                                      | |             
                  | |     Pinky and the Brain are REAL!    | |
                  | |           Written By: Abigwar        | |               
                  | |                                      | |
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                   \________________________________________/
                  



                 

   
   As most of you know, I have been away from the hacker scene for 
 quite some time. The reason is because I was deep in the heart of
 London, researching the evil, Pinky and the Brain. This mission 
 was the smallest covert operation ever, but the results, are
 so important the whole world could be lost if I don't write down 
 what I learned. Not that I am complaining or anything. I think
 we might actually benefit from this! Anyway, this is what I learned.

   Pinky and the Brain are REAL lab mice. They really breath, they
 really walk on two feet, they even really talk. In fact the only
 thing different from the cartoon, is that Brain actually has a english
 accent as well. 

   See, the people who made the cartoon, are not people. They are  
 Pinky and Brain. Oh, and of course their Gestapo of other rodents
 which is led by Dien Hargen, The insanely suicidal Mongoose. The 
 show is a cover of an actual elabrate scheme to rule the world. 
 Ironically enough because the cartoon is actually about the rodents 
 trying to control every thing.

   In many episodes, Brain often admits to the people unknowingly 
 involved in his plans, that he is a mouse hell-bent on one particular
 goal. When he does this, the people just laugh in disbelief. Just
 like so many people who laugh at the cartoon itself.

   His real plan, is to turn capitalism against the world, by making
 his cartoon so well liked that Pinky and the Brain merchandise is
 produced. Now do you remember when Chelsea Clinton (With such a wonder-
 full name might I add! [see footnote]) had her birthday, and people 
 actually sent her cars? Well Pinky and the Brain will be so big next 
 year, that on her birthday, she will unsuspectingly receive a pair of 
 life-like rodent dolls.

   And hidden in side these dolls, guess who? Thats right Brain and 
 Pink. The scientists at Acme Labs, test out a formula on the mice 
 which happens to be closely related to LSD which on humans has the 
 same effects. (Not that I stole a whole gallon of it and tested it
 before writing this or anything!) But oddly enough makes lab mice go
 into a conscious state of coma so to speak. Using this chemical Pinky
 and Brain render themselves temporarily paralyzed.

   Then Dien Hargen will place them into the special dolls and mail them
 direct to the White House. Chelsea, that night, will go to bed with
 her dolls not far away. After a short while the potion will where off
 and the diabolical two will release them selves from the dolls, and 
 start phase three of the plan.

   Using the skills they learned in the Highlands of Scotland, and shores
 of Scandinavia during their odd 'trips' caused by Acme's experiments,
 Brain and Pinky will kill all the secret service, and other guards in
 the large White Hole, err, House. Then they will decapitate President
 Clinton AND HIS WIFE (yes, _HIS_ _WIFE_ not HUSBAND, but WIFE) and hog
 tie Chelsea with an American flag.

   How in the world could two MICE do this? Your asking... Well, The 
 Vikings and highlanders where the best, and guess who they learned from
 in their altered states of consciousness. Now, Brain will send a message
 to all other nations, saying if they did not empower the Rodent Gestapo
 leader of that country, Brain would give the command to use the United
 Spades, err, States vast nuclear arsenal against that country.

   And that my friends is how it will be done! Below is a list of some
 of the rodent operatives in different countries. Oh and indecently, Brain
 intends to give North Ireland back to the Irish! HAIL BRAIN!

    Scotland  -  Mouse MacNugget the HighOne 
    England   -  James Vermin Smithe the Dirty
    Ireland   -  Pat McDrunk the Tipsy
    Germany   -  Dien Hargen the Suicidal
    Brazil    -  Zaubinka Gonako the almost unpronounceable
    South Afr.-  John White the Rodent ANC spy
    Denmark   -  Gerbil Rodent the Horrible
    Sweden    -  Hamster Rodent the Brutal
    Wales     -  Googlemyr Myraan the Truly Unpronounceable
    Poland    -  A. Koolandski the Incompetent
    Russia    -  Furry White Mouse the Un-named
    Zimbabwe -  Abi Gwaran the Rude

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FOOTNOTE- Chelsea is a great name. Skinhead girl hair cuts are called fringes
or chelseas. Many skinheads who have children or plan to have children name
their daughters 'CHELSIA'. To bad shes a Clinton.
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   (Dramatization)
 -In todays world news:
"The IRA is being charged with blowing up english garbage cans! What will 
 they think of next?"
   
 -Back at the pub:
"Aye, When I told ya to blow up the english trash, I didn't quite mean it like
 that lad!"
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                  (C)opyright 1996 04/09 ABIGWAR[TlG]