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TCAHR - Better Living Through Memetics
Issue 3
The Greatest Goth Game Ever 09/12/00
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Card games are hot. Goth is cool. If properly put together
they can be pure trendy gold. So in the vein of Vampire the
Masquerade, Magic the Gathering, and Bahamas the Snorkling I
present...
Gothic the Marketing!
This two player game starts off with each player getting 40
Goth Points. These Goth Points are divided into 4 Goth
Categories:
10 Goth Points in DIY
10 Goth Points in Knowledge
10 Goth Points in Dignity
10 Goth Points in Independence
Now the object of the game is to raise any of the Goth
Categories to 20. The other complication is to avoid losing
all your Goth Points in any Goth Category. At the score of
zero, your "character" is proven to be a broke, mindless,
trend-following sheep. See! It's just like real Goth Life!
Each player creates a deck with a minimum of 50 cards. These
cards reflect the nuances of the Goth Scene and may add or
subtract Goth Points from the Goth Categories. Everyone
deals 5 cards to themselves from the top of their own deck.
Only one card may be played per turn. At the beginning of
turn, take one card from deck. You may decide to skip a turn.
All cards are played or discarded right-side-up onto a pile in
between themselves which shall be known as the Goth Guano Pile.
Sample cards:
Ask the DJ:
(play on self on own turn) You don't know the name
of a club favorite and decide to ask the obnoxious
DJ. Lose 2 Goth Points in Knowledge, but gain 1
Goth Point in Independence for having the cojones
to ask.
Pssst!:
(play on self on opponent's turn) Counter all Goth
Points received by opponent this turn by spreading
filthy rumors. Lose 3 Goth Points in Dignity for
being such a bitch.
Custom-made Fangs:
(play on self on own turn) You actually paid for
these!?!? Lose 5 Goth Points in DIY. You gain 5
Goth Points in Independence, but only by skipping
your next turn. After all, who's going to take you
seriously while you're wearing those things?
Skip the Cover:
(play on self on own turn) Get into the club without
paying and impress the newbies. Gain 2 Goth Points
in any Goth Category. You may also gain one
additional Goth Point in DIY or Knowledge for every
Goth Point in Dignity sacrificed. That's what you
get for depriving the small club owners from their
profits! Only 3 extra Goth Points may be gained in
this way.
Embrace of the Spookykids:
(play on self on own turn) Instead of following the
crowd, you take the kid in the cape and badly applied
make-up under your wing. Add 3 Goth Points to
Independence, but lose 3 Goth Points in Dignity for
your temporary faux pax. Gain 1 Goth Point in Dignity
every turn till the number of Dignity Goth Points
equals or surpasses Independence Goth Points.
Old School Rep:
(play on self any turn) Your knowledge of everything
*gawth* inspires others. Gain 3 Goth Points in any
Goth Category other than Knowlegde. Opponent gains
2 points in Knowledge.
Safety Pins:
(play on self on own turn) The ultimate DIY device!
For every card in your hand that you choose to
discard this turn, gain 1 Goth Point in DIY. For
every Goth Point gained this way after 4, lose 1
Goth Point in Dignity. There is such a thing as
going overboard...even with safety pins.
DIY Business:
(play on self on own turn) Sell your wares! Your
self-made products are the hottest thing in the
Goth Scene. For the rest of the game take any
number of DIY Goth Points and divide them in any
way you choose between the other Goth Categories.
Your opponent loses 1 Goth Point in Independence.
TMVI:
(play on opponent on own turn) Too Much Vampire
Imagery. You've gone too far with the whole
vampire shitck. Just like your beloved vampires,
you suck. Lose all but 1 Goth Point in Dignity.
Screw You and Your Scene!:
(play on self on any turn) Had enough of the crap
and your temper is out of control? Tell them
bastards off. For the rest of the game you can
cancel the effects of any card played by
sacrificing 1 Goth Point in Dignity.
Of course, the previous card is the best one of all!
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tcahr@hotmail.com Copyright 2000