💾 Archived View for clemat.is › saccophore › library › ezines › textfiles › ezines › PSIKOTIK › psik… captured on 2021-12-04 at 18:04:22.
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| _ || ____||___| writer(s): haliphax
| | ||____ | ___ editor: haliphax
__| ____|| | || |__ publisher: haliphax (get it yet?)
%%| |%%%%| | || |%% packager: haliphax
~~|___|~~~~|_______||___|~~ courier: haliphax
psikotik issue number 4
%--- -- - a little info
fuck contributions. i'm doing this shit on my own. you see, unless
you've been writing for stuff like cDc or y0lk for a year, everyone could
care less about anything you do. fuck contributions, fuck the system. i could
really care less about when i release, so there. nyah. thbbbth.
yes, my board went down. but i put it back up. yeah, i'm crazy. piss
off. this time, there's an nup, and it's all hpavc/zines. no pd shit, no pd
users. yadda yadda yadda. oh, and a new name. i dub thee, "constipation of
the mind". catchy, huh.
i have also changed my alias in tune with the dying of the only group
i have ever been a part of, being punc. will i ever join another? i seriously
doubt it. wait, i just contradicted myself.. i'm in grape. shit. at least, i
think i am.. they haven't released on time either. bah.
well, i hope you like the 'zine. you probably won't, but, like i
stated before, i don't give a rat's patootie. it's my 'zine. haha...
%--- -- - the debt clock
ok.. i was piddling around on the internet (gasp! you can use the
internet? you must be a HACKER! .. [don't you just hate magazines like wired
that say everyone who can do this or that is 'cool' or whatever? me too.]) and
i found a site named "the debt clock". well, damn, let's fire that sucker up!
can you guess what it was? our national debt. cute.
yes, it's 'bout 5 trillion something now, and all the government gives
a shit about is smothering electronic freedom. teehee. smart. anyhoo, it was
actually a very informative site.. it had links as to why our debt is so big,
and stuff like that. i checked canada's debt.. 'bout 500 million. so, we're
smaller than canada, but our debt is 10 times as big. ok, NOW i'm an anar-
chist. heh..
our country is really sad. you know that? yes. we're always rushing
off to stop two countries from fighting, and when we kick the bad guy's ass,
what do we do? we give him financial fucking support for the next 50 years.
it's a crock, i tell you. we need to restructure everything, and stay out
of other countries' business. what the fuck is the u.n. for?!
well, let reverend haliphax lay it all out for you. america sucks.
all the foreigners come over here with their visions of gold streets and free
cable, but when they get here, they're mugged and beaten three fourths to
death. they don't even speak english.
"look, gook, gimme all your money!"
<blank face> "how dee doo-dee!"
((crunch smack crash)) "gimme your fuckin' wallet!"
<bruised face, shaky voice> "how dee doo-dee!"
((punch crush BANG!)) "hah.. that oughtta teach you."
i hate it. i'm moving to canada. heh.
%--- -- - a little something personal
ok.. so, like, i have a big-time crush on a girl, right? i try calling
her a lot this summer, but she only picks up once, and that's right before i
leave for michigan for two weeks. she thinks it's "cute".
i try calling her a few weeks after i get back, no answer. i try the
next day, and her brother answers.
"jeah?"
"um.. is <girl's name> there?"
"who is this?"
"<my name>"
"a'ight. look, <my name>. you don't need to be callin'
<girl's name> any more, 'cuz she can't get any phone calls
fo' the rest o' her life."
"'k. bye."
(in background) "who the fuck is <my name>?"
[CLICK!]
yowza. see what you get for trying to be nice? i'll probably grow up
and rape some old lady. <shudder>
you see, i've never been "popular", or the epitome of my peers, but
i've never really been a "nerd" or a "geek", either. but that phone call really
pissed me off. her brother's always an asshole, but that time, it just totally
fucked my entire "relationship" with her. i'll prolly never talk to her again,
and avoid her in school. why? i don't know. i'll probably never know.
oh well. se la vi. life sucks dick.
%--- -- - galaga rules!
yes, galaga. galaga rules. it just does. i love all the nostalgic shit.
i guess you could say i'm "old school". i like galaga, space invaders, and just
about everything from the 80s. sure, i wasn't that old in the 80s, considering
i'm only 14 now, but fuck it. i love the 80s. sure, the hair sucked, but the
rest was pretty darn k�hl.
i never really realized i loved galaga so much until i was at the mall
with polygon breasts (my cosysop), and we waltzed into the arcade. he went for
some newfangled game, "time crisis", and i just really craved something old
and clunky. he revealed he loved galaga too once he finished time crisis by
beating me to the game, but it still made me think. 'course, he almost HAD to
love it, because that's the kind of game there was in the 80s, and he's 3
years older than i am. eh.
i DO hope i'm not alone (besides polygon breasts.. but i mean.. what
the fuck is up with his alias?) about the galaga stuff. because i'd feel
extremely akward being the only person in the arcade who ever plays the thing.
tip: let your first ship get captured, and win it back.. you'll have two ships
shooting then. (polygon taught me that one)
%--- -- - acid sux, and why
uh oh. i'll probably get sued for saying this, since acid is a big
"company" or some such garbage, but i think it's about time i did. i need to
stand up for all the little groups out there. no one will ever read this, but
i've got to do it for myself.
when punc died, it just hit me. all the small, good groups are dying,
while all the big, monopolistic-bastard-type groups are staying on top. the
reason is obvious, but it still makes one mad, such as myself. i LOVED punc.
sure, it was my first group, but still.. a lot of people in it had some great
old-school flair. there was no new-school in punc. i loved it.
you see, new school just looks so sloppy and ran-through to me. maybe
not to you, but i don't like it. oldschool will live forever as long as i'm
concerned. thanks for reading.
%--- -- - it's only been reincarnated a million times
is it just me, or do mogel, black francis, or dead cheese, every once
in a while, just drop the zine they're working on, declare it dead, and start
a new one? i mean.. it's crazy! i LOVED pEz, damnit! now there's rice. argh.
before THAT, even, there was "rEd". it's just totally insane.
you see, if i ever declared psikotik "dead", if i ever started up
another zine, i'd call it.. well.. psikotik! it's just the name of my zine,
and that's the way it's gonna stay. and yeah, it's pronounced "psychotic",
and i spelled it wrong on purpose. don't ask why.
and also, what is this "eye phear mogel" shit? why? why do you phear
mogel? what, has he driven by your house with a shot gun and peppered the
aluminum siding with slugs or something? just had to get it off my chest.
%--- -- - phun with electric toothbrushes
something in an old hootie sparked an idea. it was about vibrating
pagers. yes, you remember the issue. funnier'n hell. anyhoo, here's my version.
you know those electric toothbrushes? they swivel back and forth, etc..
yeah, you already know what i'm getting at. i might as well throw in a dis-
claimer right here and now.
&#&#&#& WARNING! THIS ARTICLE IS EXTREMELY PROVOCATIVE AND DISGUSTING! &#&#&#&
ok. now, down to business. no, you can't stick a toothbrush in your
pants and call yourself on it, but, it's the perfect utility for little per-
verts like chelsea clinton and that "dexter" kid they talk about all the time
on talk soup.
"dexter? what are you doing?!"
<buzz buzz, grunt, moan> "i'm.. brushing.. my.. teeth.. MOM!"
heh.. ok, enough of that. bye.
%--- -- - dickhead
this article will be even shorter than all the others. it's about a
young fuckboy whose perverted messages forced me to change the title of "Local
Chat" to "The Weenie Wars". apparently, him and his ex-cosysop weren't exactly
on the best of terms, but he had to go and start something. he calls himself
"cannabis sativis", after the marijuana leaf. his ex-co is "goober".
cannabis: hey goober, i'm back from california. you know the position.
it's time to break out the whips and chains again!
goober: shut up, you fucking pervert.
cannabis: aww, that isn't the way you talk back to your old butt-buddy
happy chronic, is it?
me: look, stop that paddles and whips shit before i'm forced to
lower your access even FURTHER.
yeah, he'd been doing the same shit for quite a while. i turned on
my screen one day to find him cussing me out and suggesting i do illegal acts
on farm animals, so i just nuked him and put him on ye ole black list.
apparently, he's gay.
%--- -- - end note
no, this issue wasn't terribly long, and it was jam-packed with my
gripes and problems. well, that's just the way it is. roll of the dice, if you
will. hopefully, next issue, i'll be in a better mood, and all of this junk
will be out of the way.
this issue isn't very long, because i'll be releasing more often now.
not this once-every-two-months shit like before. one reason is, i won't be
waiting on articles. i'll just write them myself. when they come, they'll be
put in the next issue, if the one they were hoping for was already sent out.
until then, chickadees, i bid thee farewell.
haliphax0rz
%--- -- - eof(4)