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     .      .. m i s f i t ' s    p O r k  .. i s s u e    # 4 ..          .


� ---(oh wow)----------------------------------------------------------------- �
  pOrk numbah four, in the house. uhm, yeah. w0rd. hmm... that always confuses
  me.  why do people (white, black, yellow,  monkey vomit green, whatever) say
  shit like that? 'w0rd'.. what the hell is that?  okay, here's your basic odd
  little homey g conversation :

         homey 1 : what up niggah? (even if they're white).
         homey 2 : i's just illin' yo. sup wit j00?
         homey 1 : same wit me yo. yo, what up wit y0 bitch yo?
         homey 2 : whaz up wit dat shit? you frontin?
         homey 1 : wha, you wanna go a round?
         homey 2 : nah, nah, man. i aint throwin down.
         homey 1 : damn straight. i'da bust some caps yo.
         homey 2 : w0rd.

  and now the translation, for the homey-impaired :

         homey 1 : how's it going man?
         homey 2 : pretty good, and you?
         homey 1 : same here. say, how's your bitch?
         homey 2 : bitch!? just what exactly are you insinuating?
         homey 1 : do you want to fight or something?
         homey 2 : not at all. i have no wish to instigate a violent conflict.
         homey 1 : good, because i could have beaten you rather badly.
         homey 2 : golly.

  ahem. well.. that was pointless. anyway, welcome to pOrk four.

� ---(w0rd)------------------------------------------------------------------- �
  hey, do you remember  when you were younger,  and you and your older brother
  would perch over the family throne and play lightsabers with your urine?

  me neither.

� ---(w00h00)----------------------------------------------------------------- �
  damn,  this is shaping up to be the most pointless issue of pOrk yet. welp..
  lets talk about the whole 'zine scene.  i don't know  much about it (besides
  what i pick up on y0lknet :)  but it seems pretty cool. i think probably the
  best mag out  there right now is  doomed to obscurity. it just rocks... some
  other ones out there now that are pretty good are y0lk, pOrk (girlish laugh)
  jonas, and klunk.  they're all fairly well written (most of the time :), and
  i actually enjoy reading them.. anyway.. this paragraph is pretty boring.

� ---(yessiriebob)------------------------------------------------------------ �
  don't you hate  when you're sitting on the can,  and you finish voiding your
  bowels, except there's a little  piece of crap hanging from one of your butt
  hairs? you usually have to kinda bounce up and down, swing your ass back and
  forth, and finally resort to  yanking the offending foulage off with a piece
  of toilet paper. damn that's annoying.

� ---(happens to me all the time)--------------------------------------------- �
  things that scare me : death, clowns, ansi artists, necropheliacs, diarrhea,
  men with breasts,  shaved eyebrows, the word 'sherbert', fat chicks, siamese
  twins, michael jackson, vanilla ice, people wierder than me, being drugless,
  locker rooms,  jocks,  rap music,  that channel on tv that always broadcasts
  old people dancin to polka music, racists, facists, elephantitus, girls with
  penis envy, the smell of my grandmothers house, the smell of my grandmother,
  and people who put so much hairspray in their hair you could bend it.

� ---(yikes)------------------------------------------------------------------ �
  hey, let's be trend-copiers and  list all the cd's that i listen to while im
  writing pOrk :
                  L7 "hungry for stink"
                  violent femmes "add it up"
                  sonic youth "daydream nation"
                  hole "live through this"
                  beck "loser"
                  tori amos "under the pink"
                  they might be giants "flood"
                  dead milkmen "eat your paisley"
                  the crow soundtrack
                  mudhoney "piece of cake"
                  nine inch nails "broken"
                  my new barney singalong

  am i boring you yet? :)

� ---(poetry time)------------------------------------------------------------ �
  "ode to masturbation"
             - by misfit

  sometimes
  when i'm alone in my room
  and baywatch just ended
  and there's nothing else on
  and i'm feeling winded

  i lay on the bed
  and imagine the show
  there's pamela lee
  and i start to go

  jennie mccarthy
  and maybe my teacher
  that chick from e.r.
  and sometimes my preacher

  i know what you're thinking
  that i'm really zany
  but remember this poem
  when you can't get any

� ---(just kidding children)-------------------------------------------------- �
  w00h00.. that was a barrel of monkeys. anyway, on that note,  i believe i'll
  start winding this issue up.

� ---(da pOrk member list thingie)-------------------------------------------- �
  people who have done shit for pOrk :

                   misfit                      head pOrk guy
                   cypher hex         contributing pOrk dork
                   scribble           contributing pOrk dork
                   trip               contributing pOrk dork

  wanna write/draw for pOrk? good.  feel the urge to  express your  most inner
  angst ridden feelings?  not good. you're only in your mid teens (most of you
  anyway), how angst ridden can you be?  i don't want any of that shit here. i
  do want any articles, poems, stories, whatever, that are funny (key word).

  you can find me on alderaan or evil intentions,  or mucking around in one of
  the art channel on irc as either <misfit_> or <fUCKbUNNY>. or, call my voice
  mail box at 800-256-6269 box 7543 and tell me how much you love me :).

� ---(okeedokee)-------------------------------------------------------------- �
  anyway, thas about it. trip tells me he's gonna write next issue, so fear it
  a lot. also, the next couple issues should have more contributers (i.e., you
  won't have to read so much of my crap :) so keep an eye out for it.

  shouts out to trip, ellisdee, belial, nootropic, creed, hooch (!), and all u
  weird fuckers who actually look forward to each and every issue of pOrk :).

� ---(l8a)-------------------------------------------------------------------- �
  buh-bye.

(eof)                                                                      (eof)SAUCE00pOrk fOur whOre!                   pOrk hombres        19951117I
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