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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 7 5
We Are the New International
October 29th, 2001
Editor: BMC
Writers:
Reuban O'Neill
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ The Reuban O'Neill Process - Reuban O'Neill $
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EDITOR'S NOTE
(please do not read the following)
The following article is transcribed from a small book that was
discovered in my Grandmother's attic. The book had no publisher name or
publishing date on it, but I am very interested in learning more about it.
The Reuban O'Neill Process does not seem to be mentioned anyplace on the
Internet, in any critical journals, or in any microfilm directories. If
anyone knows anything further about this book, please let me know - I am
very interested in doing further research on O'Neill and his extremely
bizarre notions.
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;P THE REUBAN O'NEILL PROCESS .b
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Author's Solicitation
By Reuban O'Neill
Human Beings are socialized to conceptualize The World as being
stratified in one way or another, with Themselves and Their Group on One
Side (1) and The Others on the Opposing Side (2). With Situation severe
and distance between Factions growing rapidly, the ideal of Global
Community appears to be a Lost Cause. In a Last Ditch attempt to save
The World, a Young Brave steps forth with a Pamphlet aptly entitled The
Reuban O'Neill Process. This Tract explicitly states that, if The World
cannot abide to be Moral, The World should follow the current Trend of
Immorality until a Circular Path is traveled and Humankind ends up in an
Original Moral Position as existed in Eden. Can the Solution be
Implemented?
Foreword
Upon reading the scriptures of Reuban O'Neill, I must say I was
completely and totally fascinated with the concepts detailed within.
This was quickly followed by a feeling of intense nausea. Nausea is
caused when parts of your body, both exterior and interior, are exposed
to something vile and poisonous. The said body part sends a little
impulse of a message to the cranium, where the brain resides and hangs
out. The brain processes this message and then commands other areas of
the body to react in a just and appropriate manner. For me, this was
vomiting continuously for no less than three hours. One kidney and two
livers later, I had expelled all that had been infected. Knowing full
well that reading past the second paragraph would spell certain doom for
me, I took it upon myself to let others read it parts of it and give me
feedback on it. Here are some of the things they had to say:
"Yeah, right." - Robert Pizzanio
"It's just the stupidest thing ever." - Morley Hoek
"You've stolen my soul." - Jonathon Caine
I could not glean any more useful information from them, but I knew what
I had was something terrible and quite possibly the bringer of
Armageddon. I can only hope that it is never released in a small,
easy-to-read booklet of some type, for surely it will mean the end of
civilization as we know it.
-Sir Charles Monteray
Dedication
By Reuban O'Neill
This manual is humbly dedicated to the critics, whom I beg not to flay
me alive for not being as talented a writer as themselves. My most
sincere hope is that they will share their divine wisdom with me to
provide proper guidance for my work.
Secondarily, I would like to dedicate this manual to all human beings and
their collective cause.
The Reuban O'Neill Process:
It has oft been said that there is a distance between certain types of
human beings - a lack of understanding, if you will. Due to this
ignorance, the human cause becomes susceptible to certain stratifications
including (but not limited to) warring political factions, antagonism
between families, religious persecution, segregation of ethnicities, high
school football rivalries, the economic and social class system, sexual
and sexuality-based descrimination, the predetermination of caste as
determined by birthline, &C. Now far be me from one who proffers to
support either side of any of these aforementioned disputes, so I beg, if
you belong to any specific culture, social or economic class, school,
club, job, religion, gender, or any other form of organization that
partakes in any sort of socialization (and therefore biasing of a latent
or manifest type, but let us not bicker on the topic of which), that you
should not read the following message, for in the wrong hands it could be
used for the purposes of effecting a greater sort of brainwashing rather
than I have intended: for it to be read and implemented by the pure of
heart in order to achieve a higher understanding of our fellow animals
and the bizarre situations that condition us to understate,
misunderstand, distrust, and tease one another.
Far be it for me to moralize, but I am speaking unselfishly and of a
matter that will benefit humankind (in fact, all wonderful animals and
not specifically or preferentially the human animals). So listen
carefully to my instructions, follow my words, and I promise you a
solution to all of the problems of the world's animals (and, in fact,
plants as well).
The significance of this message's effect on all animals and plants (and
within the group of "animals and plants" I intend to include creatures
composed of prokaryotic OR eukaryotic cells (yes, even molds and
bacterium)), as I have stated previously, is that we will gain a full
understanding of the world through this process that I, with all due
humbleness, feel must be entitled The Reuban O'Neill Process.
Now, like The Pretenders, don't get me wrong about this, but I think The
Reuban O'Neill Process is an aptly suited name. Wonder, for a moment,
how irresponsible it would be for me to create a process with no name!
It would be impossible for the masses to differentiate it from other
processes. On top of that, if you learned and loved this process it
would be impossible for you to discuss it with others because it would be
a generic process and it would be impossible to call it by name!
Imagine what it would be like if an apple had no name! If you hungered
for an apple you would be unable to request one, rather you would turn
to the grocer and ask them (it could be a female grocer or a male one)
whether they had any fruit. They would respond by telling you that they
had three hundred kinds of fruit and ask you to be more specific. You
would say that it is a fruit with seeds, and although this would narrow
it down considerably, you would be left with three hundreds of kinds to
choose from and your grocer would still have no clue as to what you
wanted. Then you would say that it has a peel and this would help the
grocer no more. Then you would tell the grocer that the fruit has a skin
and this would also help no more. You would say that it crunches when
you bite it and, although this would help narrow it down a little bit,
you would still have three hundred fruits to choose from. After several
hours of doing this, your grocer would become extremely angry with you
and lead you down every aisle until you spotted the apple of your eye.
Then the grocer would say, "This is called an apple, you stupid fool,"
and you would feel silly for not having known such a simple thing in the
first place. I believe that the world will feel the same way upon the
realization of the simplicity of, and the potential to execute, The
Reuban O'Neill Process!
Now, for the thoughtful reader, I must fer back to the previous
argument, or, in other words, I shall refer to the prior description of
the circumstances of the difficulty of having things exist without names.
Firstly, if there were no names for factions, people of certain groups
would have no way to define themselves. Males would no longer imagine
themselves Men, children would no longer be Kids, religious people would
lack the ability to name their Gods, and countries at war would have no
idea whom to Attack. It is clear to me that such names are useful tools
and must exist for all time for the betterment of all living (and
possibly certain non-living) things, and this rational reasonability
brings us to the core of my argument, for the limited use of names in
society is what I feel is the core of all problems in all countries,
uncharted territories, and bodies of water of the Earth and other planets
with living and non-living creatures.
The problem with various stratificationism is that we, the stratified,
lack an in-depth understanding about the lives of other commons of
opposing factions. So here and now, in my hour of lust and sorrow, I
plan to give to you the seed to sew in others to create a forest of peace
and understanding. Brace thyself.
[hiatus in manuscript, two pages]
..and as such, I have begun our
collective uphill climb to enlightenment. I have initiated this process
by boldly writing the first story of the series, the which shall be
published upon a time in the near future. Story one, as all stories in
this collection, will consist of a first person, in-depth description of
a typical day (in this case, of mine), written in exquisite detail,
naming all sights captured by the eye, all sounds heard by the ear, all
scents, sensations, &C. Although this may seem a simple task, I assure
you that it is no simple matter. Observe here an excerpt from my story
that details a brief moment at the dinner table.
* * *
My mind was elsewhere as I masticated the salad, and to my regret I cannot
consciously conceptualize what it was that I was thinking at that time.
I stared into space, somewhere between awake and asleep, conscious, but
unthinking. Suddenly - the thought leapt into my head that it was time
for me to take another forkload of salad from the plate into my mouth and
eat it, for this is how human beings acquire energy and I must continue
to eat to live, although I admit that sometimes eating seems to be more
of a habit, what with the junk foods and the unnecessary snacking. I
pushed that thought from my mind, it is a concept that may be better
left in the subconscious, or know-how knowledge. The motor-skills area
of my brain kicked in as the muscles in my shoulder, bicep, tricep, and
forearm all contracted and expanded in the way in which muscles need to
bend in order to scoop food from the plate. The muscles in my hand and
specifically in my fingers continued their grip on the fork as this
happened. Again, note my apology at lack of understanding of the way
muscles work. I was not thinking about this at the time, mind you, but I
am at present pressed with an uncertainty of which muscles contract and
which expand in order to lower a fork to a plate. As this fork-lowering
happened, my heart continued to beat and blood circulated through my
body at the same rate as usual [note to self: detail is not fine enough.
Research muscle contraction and blood circulation and heart rate for next
revision] and I felt as I normally do when eating supper with few
differences but that I was sitting in a monastery with Judy and the iced
tea that I had poured myself a glass of was particularly interesting, not
quite like any iced tea I had drank prior or since - not particularly
tasting poorer or more well, simply interesting. I scooped up a forkful
of salad with my metal fork, never quite conscious of what that
particular forkful consisted of, but I believe that it was a just
combination of cabbage, sliced almonds, ramen noodles, sunflower seeds,
and all of the other ingredients that I had previously noted [Note to
reader: although the previous notation of the consistency of the salad is
in much greater detail in the full edition of this story that details an
entire day of mine from waking to sleeping, for brevity's sake this
excerpt does not contain any information additional to what is required
to convey a complete sense of understanding of the detail of this story
to the regular reader.] Then my neural impulses functioned to shift my
eyes down at the fork and its load to see that it was satisfactory. As
the light reflected off of the food, my optic nerves signaled the word to
my brain, and before you know it, the train of sensory input had run its
course and my brain was delighted with the amount of food on the fork.
Shortly thereafter, my arm was signaled to lift the fork, and this
occurred in much the same way as I had lowered the fork, using shoulder,
bicep, tricep and forearm, still clutching the fork with hand,
specifically thumb, index, and middle fingers, except this time, all of
the muscles operated in the opposite way they previously had, some
relaxing and some contracting, but nothing like lowering the arm had
been. As I prepared to chew the food I began to salivate wildly. I
turned the fork toward myself and released the food into my mouth. Upon
its entry into the mouth, I found the food to be tangy and different
tastebud groups in my mouth appreciated that in different ways. I closed
my mouth, thereby biting the food. There was an interesting sensation.
I had bit something crisp - the cabbage. I opened my mouth. I closed
my mouth again, a repeated process of opening and closing that we refer
to as chewing, and this time I detected something that was crunchy! - the
noodles. I was in the process of opening my mouth once again when I
suddenly decided that I wanted another glass of iced tea because I had
finished my previous glass of iced tea twelve forkfuls of salad prior
[Note to reader: this, of course, is explicitly detailed in the full
story], so I decided that I would go into the other room to get some.
[Note to reader: for the sake of brevity I will omit several hundred more
words detailing the chewing process that led up to the swallowing of the
food and progress forthwith to the events following that particular stage
of digestion] I swallowed the food, feeling it expand my esophagus and
go into my stomach. Since I have detailed my digestive process
sixty-seven times so far through the course of this story I will, again
for the sake of brevity, forego explicit detail of the digestive process
in this single instance, as surely we all know well that, as the wise
gentleman said, "Brevity is the sole of wit," so I wish no further to
distract your honourable readership from examining the... Umm, Ahem. I
looked down at the glass on the cafeteria-style oaken table. The glass
was made of transparent glass - sand heated at a high temperature - and
was able to contain approximately 300ml of liquid. The glass was
cylindrical in shape and appeared clean except for the small amount of
iced tea I had allowed to settle at the bottom of it. I prepared to
stand up, looking around the 20m by 7m room. Suddenly I had the urge to
look at all of the art in the room, the which I will now describe in fine
detail.
* * *
As you see, there is a great amount of detail involved in describing the
events of five seconds spent at the dinner table. [Note to reader: Please
bear in mind that this excerpt is still in its draft stages and will
eventually bear more detail such as the ticking of each second, the
dimensions of every room, the mass of each object and the spectrum of
light that refracted off of every object that was shown unto me. Also,
the point where I noted my observance of Judy will be appended with a
brief physical and psychological description as well as a detailed
biography of that individual.] For the reader's information, I will
allow it to be known that the story of this entire day in its full form
is approximately fifteen hundred pages long and, as a side note, it is
currently being prepared by me for release as a chapbook that will be
sent to publishers around the world as a sample of the upcoming
collection of stories that I propose be published.
Now let me speak at some length about the multi-volumed set of books.
The first story details one complete daily account of the life of one
person, and this story opens the minds of readers, removing prejudices
about this person, &C., and gives the reading audience the feeling of
sympathetic realization of the existence of this other passionate,
individualistic person.
The next step is creating one such story for every human being that
lives. If everybody, for instance, writes about what they did on March
28th, 2001, then we will have a full sociological understanding about
how our society functions in every way. Sociologists will be obsolete -
this will be of benefit to everyone, including the sociologists, who will
all retire with full pensions. On top of this, we human beings will
attain a higher consciousness by pooling all of the knowledge we can
think of in one day. Shortly, one publishing house will pick up on my
idea and we can produce the sizeable collection that contains all six
billion tales.
The next step is for us humans to take up some of the slack we've let go
for all of these years since Adam named the animals and write a "day in
the life" of every animal, every plant, in fact every rock on Earth.
Indeed, it is crucial that every and only every thing containing
molecules should be written about, and I see no reason to stop there.
Why not write about every molecule too? It may seem a daunting task at
current, but if we gear society toward it we will come to a greater sense
of the world we live in. But since we'll then have the cornerstone on
knowledge, why should we stop there?
The simple answer is, "For no reason imaginable."
After we have written about a day in the life of every human, animal,
mineral, plant, and molecule, we will have knowledge of a day from
morning to night of the entire planet and then we can begin to expand to
other planets, each of which will require a separate anthology for its
own promotion and understanding through communication. It's the perfect,
yet strangely hereto unrealized solution! This set of stories could
easily replace the current canon of literature, as well as all other
subjects, since all of that information must certainly be included in the
daily thoughts of someone or something. We will know more about blades
of grass and pebbles of sand and molecules of air than we ever thought we
could! And where would this bring us to? No less than omniscience, my
very good friend!
Can you imagine a world without misunderstanding, distrust, or
ignorance? This is my vision of a world where We write the books, print
the books, and read the books. Through classification we will continue
to divide, separate, segregate, and discriminate, but we will do it to
such an extent that every person (nay, every molecule) will be
discriminated against equally, thereby putting all persons, places, and
non-sequitor things on an equal level with each other. And thus, having
solved all of the world's problems (and perhaps the problems of other
unrecognized worlds), I bid a fond Adieu.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 |
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Questions? Comments? Submissions? |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2001 by The Neo-Comintern #175-10/29/01
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.