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E-MAG
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The Neo-Comintern Installment 9
We are The 5th International
March 30th, 1998
Editor: The BoSS MC
Assistant Editor: Komrade B
Writers:
BMC
Komrade B
MK Willard
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SPECIAL GOLD ISSUE
Props to the OG Com. This is a compilation of the Original
Comintern's gold cuts. Read it and weep, Dre.
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Featured in this installment:
Back To The Feudal Times- Komrade B
The Solution To Everyone In The World's Problems- BMC
Modern Technology At It's Best- Komrade B
Dem Bitches- MK Willard
Closing Message- Komrade B
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BACK TO THE FEUDAL TIMES
By Komrade B
(Originally presented in The Comintern #8)
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As my first writing in The Comintern Newsletter, I would like to
tackle the topic of education. First off, education costs our people
thousands just to go through yet another four to seven years of school. For
what? Now I am 30 years old with a crappy diploma and a 75 000 dollar debt.
And I don't own anything, and my parents hate me, and I have no friends
because I spent my loser wretched life studying for nothing!
So, I say nobody go to university. What are they gonna do, make us
go and pay? No, My Komrades, They can do nothing. We would all be happy and
I would then have friends.
So, if society eliminates the proposterous ideal of university, the
Fascist governments of the world would have to submit to the citizens. We
could return to the Middle Ages, to when things were more innocent. And I
didn't have to go to school, because my dad would teach me how to make swords
or cast foul sorcery. There, our wars at least would not have to be fought
for quality of education, beacuse the battles would not be on economical
battle fields, with an underlying goal of world trade superiority, which no
working man can understand, but still suffers from.
So now that we did away with university, I can learn anything I wish
to learn about, and I won't have to worry about the upper class stealing all
the good stuff.{END}
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THE SOLUTION TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS
By The Boss MC
(Originally presented in The Comintern #15)
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Canada is plagued with problems. Problems which affect us all. It
is necessary to discuss these problems, as well as their possible solutions,
for the benefit of all. I know the problems. I've experienced the problems.
I now tell the world; please listen to me, for I have the single solution to
these problems. I am getting ahead of myself now, for I realize I must first
mention the problems before I try to solve them. I will now begin telling
you what dire problems we have as a nation.
THE PROBLEMS
We have a cancered sense of nationalism. Look at us. I mean, we're
trying to seperate from ourselves. We're one nation, and we are strong.
why can't we realize this? We have a proud heritage. We have strong men and
beautiful women. We are a glorious nation! We must realize this before it
is too late! Sorry, I got carried away.
We, as a nation are prejudiced and injust. Why do we condemn other
people? Are our beliefs, religions, heritage and skin colour better than
theirs? No. We must not only respect, but revere, all cultures. Canada is
a wonderful place. People of foriegn backgrounds come here. Canada is not
a melting pot, for melting is blending. Our cultures should not be blended,
they should all stand out individually and prominantly. There shall be all
forms of art. We are all brothers and sisters. We just need a stronger bond
between strangers. Some day, perhaps, there will be no strangers.
We are unemployed. No citizen should be deprived of toil. All
citizens that are capable should have an opportunity for employment. What
else can be said about that? I suppose it speaks for itself.
We are in debt. Our country is a rubby bum, leaching off of all
other countries. We owe money to the millionaires and the banks. We need to
have a greater collective income in order to destroy our debts.
We are an unsafe and accident prone bunch. Where else, but in
British Columbia is there such a great mass of accidents relating to people
driving off of cliffs, then plunging thousands of feet down a mountain into
their blazing inferno? Perhaps part of the reason for this is because a
large percentage of the land mass of B.C. is mountainous. Another problem
caused by mountains is skiing accidents. Nobody would ski into a tree or a
goat if there were no more mountains.
Lastly, but most importantly, I must mention that a Canadian citizen
has very few options when choosing to go for a scenic drive. We can drive
through Canada, The U.S.A., Central America and South America. We can't
drive to Great Britain, or even Russia for that matter. If I were to go on
a vacation some day, I would choose to DRIVE to Europe and Asia, wouldn't
you? Of course you would, my friend. In present day, we can not drive to
Europe or Asia. This is a very emotional subject for me. We must correct
the problems.
Those are the problems Canadians are faced with on a daily basis.
We have a cancered nationalism, we are prejudiced and injust, we are
unemployed, we are in debt, we are an unsafe and accident prone bunch, and
we have very few options when choosing to go for a scenic drive. Is there no
way to solve these problems? Yes, there is a way to fix our world.
THE LAND BRIDGE
The Bering Strait divides Cape Prince Of Wales (the American coast of
the state of Alaska) from Cape Dezhneva (on the Russian coast). It is 50
miles across at its narrowest point, and is 13,422 feet deep.
Alaska was first explored by Russian employed Danish navigator Vitus
Bering in 1741. In 1867, The United States purchased Alaska for 7.2 million
dollars. In 1959 Alaska was approved as America's 49th state. The first
order Canada must take in solving the problems of the world is to buy Alaska
from the United States. We must purchase Alaska from them in the same way
they did from the Russians. Considering that the original purchase price
was seven million, that there was about 1 billion dollars worth of
development done to the state, and that in 1964 there was an earthquake that
damaged the state for about 1 billion dollars, the price should still be
quite low. The United States will accept our offer for 1 billion dollars for
the purchase of Alaska. Then it will be ours, and the world will be perfect.
...but not yet...
When we are ready, we will begin construction of The Land Bridge.
It will take 200 years, we will need 10 million workers, and we will need
5 million bulldozers. We will level the mountains of Canada and push them
into the Bering Strait. The progress will seem very slow at first, for all
of the mountain rock will first fill from the bottom. The Land Bridge will
be about 25 miles wide, forming a rectangular bridge. There will be no
houses on The Land Bridge, only a 20 lane highway. What will this solve?
This will solve all of the previously mentioned problems.
WE HAVE SOLVED....
There will be no workers without work. There will be enough jobs
for all unemployed to become employed. During the building of The Land
Bridge, there will be millions of jobs. Upon its completion, there will be
hundreds of thousands of maintainance jobs.
There will be no more mountain accidents, because all of the
mountains will be in the Bering Strait. Some people will miss the mountains,
but at any given time, they could go for a drive to the Ural Mountains. It
is better to lose some scenery than it is to lose hundreds of lives per year.
The Canadian citizen will always be able to go for the scenic drive
to all foreign countries. A global unity will be felt through this, as well
as a close feeling between all cultures. All people will respect all other
people, and all will be respected.
We will be the proudest, most nationalistic country in the world!
No other country could ever boast a Land Bridge. England went insane with
their London-Paris subway. Imagine the pride of our citizens! For the
province that wants to seperate, there would be 10 countries that would
beg us to join our confederation.
We will no longer be in debt to other countries. Can you guess why?
It's because we will charge 100 bucks a head for everyone going through our
land bridge TOLL BOOTH! (Canadian citizens are exempt, of course) Because
of this move, all of the countries of the world will join our confederation,
just because all of their citizens are trillions of dollars in debt to us,
and joining our country would clear their debt.
When the entire world is one nation, we will instate a socialistic
society. All citizens of the world will be equal and live in a state of
toil, peace and love. We will gather around to sing songs of love for one
another, and there will be no more sorrow or lonliness. Everyone will be
in a total state of blissful utopia, thanks to The Land Bridge.
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WHEN WE ACHEIVE SPACE FLIGHT
By Komrade B
(Originally presented in The Comintern #8)
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Now, I like to think of myself as an intellectual or philosiphist,
if you will. It has recently come to my attention that kids use computers
for not only work and school, but for something called "video games". These
"video games" are one of the greatest things in the world. I have never seen
this cutting edge of technology, so it must be new. What'll they think of
next, space flight?
I was so impressed by this new wave of stuff that I rushed out and
bought my grandson's old system which he calls the "Atari". He says it sucks
and the graphics blow. I could not see why he could possibly say that, so I
caned him thrice times. Thank you.
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DEM BITCHES
By MK Willard
(Originally presented in The Comintern #12)
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Hello, fellow Komrades. In this article, I would like to speak about
feminists. What are males to do about them? I mean, if I open a door for
a feminist, she gives me shit for thinking she can't do it, so I'm an
asshole. If I don't do it, I'm an asshole anyway. If I were to physically
or verbally defend a feminist, I would be implying to her that she was weak.
She'd then tell me I was an asshole. If I didn't do it, in her mind this
would mean I didn't care about her well being, therefore, I would be an
asshole. I am by no means attempting humor with this article. I just don't
understand the likes of men-bashing women. What drives women into disgust
for all men? If you buy a car, and it breaks down, does that mean that every
car in the world will be exactly the same? In closing, this is just a cry
for help. How does one handle the wrath of the feminist? For tips, E-mail
me through The Boss MC.
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CLOSING MESSAGE
Let's just hope that if you download this and decide to reply that
The BoSS MC doean't force you to write countless articles and be real mean.
I want to stop. Please help me. He keeps me locked in his cellar and feeds
me watermelon and makes me write and then takes credit for it. HELP!
by The BoSS MC
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
|Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 |
|Email The BoSS MC at manta1@hotmail.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright (c) 1998 Comintern Publications and The Boss MC
All Rights Reserved. #9-30/9/98